So very frustrated and i will survive but just want to get it out....
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  1. #1
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    Default So very frustrated and i will survive but just want to get it out....

    Hubby and i talking about money.....went camping this past week and everyone got a few things...so he is saying we need to pay this bill and this bill and this bill blah blah blah blah...I understand they need to be paid but he has to understand that these next few months the bills are more than what i am going to bring in...i have less hours due to it be extended school year so our hours are cut...some people did not get any....so i am thankful for that....so he goes on and on and on and i politely tell him well remember its going to be a month before we see any of this income because of a two week vacation and i need to have money for gas to get back and forth...I work very far from home so i spend oodles of money....he then goes on and on and on...i am like ummm......remember those fireworks you bought yesterday....he says yes....u could have used that money to pay a bill.....its not all his fault really because i tend to just give in becaquse i dont want to hear the wining but....i cant win...he gets what he wants and then wines about the bill not getting paid....i am like dah...it doesnt take a rocket scientist to figure this one out....again not completely all his fault...i just needed to vent......i need to grow a backbone with him and the kids.....

  2. #2
    Registered User Spirit Deer's Avatar
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    Um, yes, it is his fault if he's spending money on frivolous things when he knows there are bills to pay and not enough money coming in to cover them. You're his wife, not his mother. It's not your job to ride herd on him. He needs to man up and get control of his spending.

    Good luck. It's hard when you're not on the same page.
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    My DH is like that. Might as well, is his budget damning phrase.
    I handle the money
    Write it all to a zero budget
    And ask him what goes
    It is like math only works sometimes when he wants something.
    I just scan the budget,give him a copy and refer him back.
    Can't have everything is my phrase to him.

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    Moderator mauimagic's Avatar
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    How totally frustrating. Totally agree with what has been shared so far. Love the idea of writing everything down - doing the budget. It seems as if he is going to whine no matter what happens - so if it's all in b&w - what can he do. Will be so glad when you are all through this. Keep in touch - together we all create a good sounding board and support system!!
    No spend days: J 9/16
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    Thank you all for your support however i am not blameless in the whole situation...it is now 1:55 am and i am sitting here thinking...I cannot sleep....my body is telling me that i need to get up and go for a jog...however it is completely dark here no street lights so that is not going to happen, haha....there's more to the story here which i wont share but i believe causes me to have a little resentment however i do love him and we have been married for 23 years and our oldest just got married last week so i will suck it up and try to get us on track financially but when the bills are higher than what is coming in its pretty much impossible...I think what i am going to do is give him complete control over the finances and when i ask for gas money to get back and forth to work with and he says there isnt any....he might figure it out! Thanks again!

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    I totally agree with spiritdeer's post. Especially when he is telling you this, this, and this need to be paid and he knew that full well when he purchased a want and not a need. When you say you need to grow a backbone; YOU really are not his mother to police his spending. IMHO in this circumstance even though we don't know everything IT IS NOT your fault!!!!!!

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    ok,no. Do not give him the budget. You need to make one together, My DH was clueless until we took the Dave Ramsey course. He still could use a tuneup. And yes he did act resentful of me from keeping from his "toys" after all I always had money to garage sale. Except that the luxuries were garage sale dishes,clothes,cookbooks,well you get the point.
    Its not ok for him to put it all on you. If he wants more then he will have to get a second job. I made a deal w/ DH that toys come from side jobs.

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    Registered User VanVivCam's Avatar
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    Oh gosh. Unfortunately, my hubby is the one with the greatest money restraint in our home. I am the one thinking about buying stuff Hubby and I sit down every week and go over the budget...I am the one that usually breaks it buying too many groceries or spending it at big lots on crap. UGH.

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    Registered User Spirit Deer's Avatar
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    So stay out of Big Lots.
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    Master Dollar Stretcher madhen's Avatar
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    I agree with FW. It is money that you both need/use to live on, so you should both have a hand in both figuring out the best way to spend it and also in figuring out how much you have to set aside for bills. Since you handle the finances, he might just assume that you will tell him no, if there REALLY isn't any money for it. If he says he wants to buy something, and you give in, as the money person, you are tacitly saying that there is money to be found to cover the hole he just created.
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    (http://mad-hen-creations.blogspot.com/)

    Every time you spend money, you're casting a vote for the kind of world you want. Anna Lappe

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    If u let him have the money he will blow it tried several times and it never worked..I write down the bills when they are due put on a calander for everyone to see so he can see were the money is going.. I also make sure he gets money to blow every week even if somebody does with out it is less stress that way. good luck

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    Registered User momof42003's Avatar
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    My DH will do something similar.. He will go and buy some new clothes or what not for himself because he needed it. Bills get behind a little, my hours go down, etc.... I tell him I need to get the boys new shoes and it is the end of the world, because all of a sudden those bills are the only thing on his radar. I haven't bought myself any new clothes for years, and when I do I cringe knowing I will be "lectured" on what the money "really" needed to be spent on. Today he asked why I didn't go get the kids fireworks-and I told him because if they over spend with me I would never hear the end of it. He then went out and got each of the boys a 20 dollar bill and said that's it! Thank goodness..... Hugs to ya darlin!

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    thanks again all...like i said its partly my fault because i to am not that good with money however i dont lecture him when something is not paid either so......anyhow life goes on....and we can only go forward...

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    Registered User Paquita's Avatar
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    ..I think what i am going to do is give him complete control over the finances and when i ask for gas money to get back and forth to work with and he says there isnt any....he might figure it out! Thanks again!
    Not a good idea IMO. What happens if there is NO gas money and you can't get to work? That would only make things worse, right?

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    Registered User khaski's Avatar
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    You guys need to work on your communication. He needs to stop spending frivolously, and you need to put your foot down on things when $ shouldn't be spent. Why were you guys camping when you weren't sure where bill $ would come from? It's easy to blame eachother, many couples get caught in that trap, you need to each tke responsibilty in your actions.

    The good news is once you relize this is going on, it can be fixed! Have you guys ever taken a look at Dave Ramsey's financial plan/ You could find a Financial Peace Univeristy class near you and attend together. Not only will it help with your $ issues, it will help you two get back on track to work together, as a team.


    Kill the mortgage! Goal: 12/2023 Left to go: $141,279.52 Extra paid: 2012- $4408.03 2013-$5396.21+ $400 extra towards escrow
    2014-$2548.29

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