"How are you?" with the required response usually being "fine"
I attended a seminar a while back about this very thing - he suggested rating your day on a scale like school grades. . . How's your day? Oh, about a B+. You should see the responses then!
When someone complains of aches or pains, my husband will lean over and whisper to me, "Maybe it's a tumor." Then he'll say, in an Arnold Schwartzeneger accent, "It's naht a tumuh!" (From "Kindergarten Cop")
Good morning...good morning
My brother the jokester says he wants to reply "You have no right telling me what type of morning to have."
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