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Do you not share your financial or frugal successes because of peoples reactions???

3K views 64 replies 30 participants last post by  frugalfranny 
#1 ·
I'm just curious if others don't share their financial or frugal successes because of the way others react.

Examples for us
~ we don't share our debt free status because people act like we are aliens, lying or it was all luck

~ I no longer share any of my stretch the budget tips unless very specifically asked because of hearing " I could/ would never do that because. Well then why did you ask me?

~ I wont share my buying resale with but a few select people. I have to laugh that they think a used shirt is gross. Ummm the one you bought in the store and just wore without washing was likely tried on by someone else.

Thank heavens for the Village!
 
#31 ·
I am SO excited! I am going to have coffee at a new friend's house tomorrow morning. From some of the info we have traded in our talks I believe we are "like minded" in our frugality. We are in the same age group - soon to be retirement age.

She and her husband and my husband and I belong to our local Harley Owner's Group (HOG) chapter. We live less than 10 miles apart. We have met up for some local motorcycle meet and greets and all four of us get along!

I will also be meeting her cats and I start petsitting for her this weekend. WOO HOO - a new client in my fledgling petsitting business!
 
#32 ·
I don't talk with two of my friends about frugal habits. They would be disgusted if they knew I bought a lot of my clothes at thrift stores. However I did talk about the new home loan I refinanced for a fixed 15yr loan. The one friend switched houses with her parents about a year ago. I know her husband told me at one point it appraised at 210, 000. We make roughly 30000-32000 and I tried to get out of her what they paid, interest rate etc. I am sure her parents helped her out quite a bit. She wouldn't say and acted really weird about it. I didn't have a problem telling her what we paid for ours or what the interest rate was. We have one car with a loan on it and we did that car purchase with the cash for clunkers deal. I have some student loans I am still paying on, should start to drop off in five years or so. Those friends won't buy their daughter a nice swing set, but have this newer house, brand new leased vehicles and just bought my friends dream car. It only cost about 3000. The thing is when I did talk about refinancing she said we just don't have a few thousand dollars laying around to throw away on a home refinance so I am sure that car was financed. I am like really think about your future and what you want to be doing. Whatever I have made my mistakes like taking out way to much student loans, buying frivolously when I was younger etc. Just not getting any younger I guess.
 
#33 ·
Congrats on your refi! I know nothing about you or your friend but is it possible she beat around the bush because she paid cash or it was a gift??? Just wondering. I personally don't like to divulge details of what we paid for big items and certainly don't divulge they were cash purchases because of the reactions.

Leased vehicles ~ I've always heard that is huge no no. Now, wouldnt it be nice if we could get younger but still have the knowledge we have now?
 
#35 ·
Nodmicks thank you! and you too Russ. That is why I come here and share.
I am just an open person about that. Probably because i grew up in a house where Ddad controlled all the money and gave us an allowance (mom incl.).
I still have a sm. 2nd mortgage but that should DIE this coming year also.

I havent met DD's Bf's parents but they dont like D.R. and thats not a good start!lol. It's so funny because I know they think we are poor because we dont own any "toys" . People are so funny about appearances and debt.
 
#39 ·
I share very little. Part of the reason is that I was brought up to NOT talk about money.........the other part is that it is just no one's business what I have.......or what is paid for or not........or what I am planning on buying.

My close friends KNOW how I live and what I like, dislike, and how I spend........or don't spend.

I will answer most questions, if asked directly, and don't hesitate to say that something was bought at a thrift store.....but other info is just not needed.

I figure if 'those other people' wanted to know "how" I had done something.........they would ask......then I would "probably" answer........and yes, often I have gotten the "oh, I could never do that".........my comment is just "well, if you wanted to do.....blah.blah, blah,... bad enough you would."
 
#40 ·
I am very proud of my savings and good deals - I don't hesitate a bit to tell people how much I have saved with coupon, good deal, etc.
However, have found lots of people that think buying used clothes is odd.
Or spending much time on saving money is odd..."I don't have time to do that stuff" Ok that's fine, but I can't afford NOT to.
I don't shout it out as much anymore...but got my mother focusing on knocking out her debt/saving...yes I talked her into WRITING DOWN A BUDGET~!!!! :):) I share everything with her. My mother-in-law started using COUPONS, and actually has YARD SALED...UNHEARD of a few years ago as she didn't have time to coupon and would NEVER buy used. Now she calls me up JUST to brag about the $30 she saved in coupons at the grocery store, what she snagged at a yard sale! So I'm pretty tickled about that. Now if I could just get a hold of my sister-in-laws finances...lol! Just kidding!!!!!
None of my friends are really on board with frugality, but that's ok. They enjoy doing things I don't have money for anymore, getting their nails done, shopping sprees, etc. But I hope that because I've been FORCED to be frugal that I will ALWAYS continue to be frugal and a better steward of my money.
 
#41 ·
None of my friends are really on board with frugality, but that's ok. They enjoy doing things I don't have money for anymore, getting their nails done,.
That is probably another reason I say so very little............my friends are on board with a small amt. of frugality......but not to my extent. So many things are just left "unsaid" BUT they also know not to bitch to me about money or being broke too...........

IE: one has stated that she is "envious" that I am retired........BUT.....she continues to get her nails done professionally, hair dyed professionally, dogs (2) to parlor once a month - professionally trimmed and bathed, won't travel 'frugally',..........her choice...not mine. We still do "things" together.......just don't talk about money!
 
#42 ·
When I still had my dog complete strangers would come up and ask what kind of dog he was. Then they would ask how much I paid for him. He was a pure bred that I had rescued. I always found it odd that people wanted to know how much the dog was worth. Luckily I could just say I got him at an animal shelter.
 
#43 ·
Then they would ask how much I paid for him. He was a pure bred that I had rescued.
This would have 'floored' me..........but not surprised me.............as if it is any of their business??? People can be soooooooo GUTSY......

I guess my first thought would have been to say "why, do you want to buy him?"........

Have had similar things said about my 'spotted' poodle............black and white........purebred........always interesting!!
 
#44 ·
I don't share with anyone because I don't know any like minded people around me :-( I just spent 4 days with a friend who is constantly borrowing from her family and barely gets by, yet spent $10-$30 every single place we went and runs to town two or more times a day to pick up snacks??? My head was about to explode!
 
#46 ·
I don't say much about my finances. DH and I are snowbirds and spent 5 months in the south each winter. Get a lot of comments, "Oh, I wish I could get away like that..." ..... mmmm, well they don't know the sacrifices we make to be able to pay for what WE want. I doubt they would make the same sacrifices.
 
#52 ·
I agree with this........and have experienced it numerous times.........not over snow birding, but travel. Many comments were made by co-workers when I lived in Sacramento......that is about the time I started to just 'clam up' and live my life and enjoy it.

Hope to do the snow birding---if not this year, then next ----and will be interesting to see what comments I get.......
 
#47 ·
I don't say much about our finances and such to people we know. I have two or three frugal friends that I'll share my finds with, but I don't say much if anything to anyone else. If a person knows me enough I'm sure they can pick up that I'm frugal.

I used to talk to my SIL about paying down our mortgage and debt. Then they sold their tiny house and bought a huge house...with a huge mortgage. Then I started getting the sense of bitterness towards me when I talked about frugal-living. She'd pretend she was interested and wanted to learn, but I started sensing jealousy. Probably because they have four kids and a huge mortgage to pay off. Well, that's what it's like to compete with the Jones family. I quit talking about anything in regards to sales or money. She sometimes brings it up...probably prying for information...but I try not to talk about that anymore to her.
 
#49 ·
josantoro: I hear you about the snowbirding thing...we don't do that...yet. But we do sacrifice a lot in certain areas to give us money to do other things we place a higher priority on.

People, for example, look at our big house in a nice neighborhood and assume we are a) rich, or b) in hock up to our ears for it. Well we've lived here 16 years and we've been frugal enough we were able to pay out our mortgage early.

What I resent is the people who think we're rich taking me places and encouraging me to spend money that is slated for other priorities. I avoid them for the most part. And to me that's largely the 'lunch' crowd. You know "Let's do lunch sometime!" Ahuh. Not my style at all. I can't eat out anyways, due to my allergies. I'd MUCH rather stay home and eat a home cooked meal...by me! Why can't people get together for tea and a talk? Or out for a walk? :shake:
 
#50 ·
I don't tell ANYONE because in the past I have gotten such negative feedback from friends, coworkers and family. I just live my frugalness. I continue driving my 10 year old car ,wearing comfortable thrifty clothes, living in a cheap part of town and practicing daily frugal behavior. I have learned to ignore and refuse to comment regarding people who are spendthrifts and complain about lack of money.
 
#51 ·
I share. I focus on not having a plan, finding DR and getting on a plan. I will sometimes share the amount we managed to pay off in the first year and that it took some "No, we can't have that yet" moments.

Some are interested, some are not, some can't fathom self regulation of their purchases. lol
 
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#53 ·
FF-let them judge. To me its funny.
When I worked for the boy scouts I bought sweaters at the resale shops for $4. and brought in my HM broccoli soup and sale 2L cokes and ate in. I know they thought I was some minimum wage midlife loser. I just smiled. None of their business that my DH made the same as the head of B.Scouts-their boss.
Buncha wannabees. They always gave me leftovers from the party w/ great charity. 1/2 of which doggie ate. They saved me boxes. And gave me sympathetic looks as I bought a case of B.Scout popcorn after sales at cost. Poor me. That was much appreciated xmas gifts. It's all about perception.
I finally confessed to a coworker what DH made and she was dumbfounded. She said she would see if i could get back in after layoff. So I told her.

I will never learn though. I have been nice to a cashier at my store for sometime now. Her DH is in a nursing home. I have been very sympathetic. She rang me up today for $114. and i had intended to only spend $65 or so but found some deals. She said thats not bad compared to some. I said yeah but i just paid off the 1st mortgage and I was trying to knock out the other so i am trying to keep it tight. She stared at me like i said I was going to go take a dump on her car roof. I'm thinking wow. I have shared your stuff but you dont want to hear my good news.
I have noticed a lacking to be happy for others successes. I have been raised to be happy for others. It is not a reflection on me one way or another-my success or failure. Is empathy dead? I guess I just dont get it.
 
#54 ·
FW I think you may have nailed it with "I have noticed a lacking to be happy for others successes." I don't get it either as I am happy when good things happen to people.

I guess it is a the fence is always greener on the other side thing for some people too. We have not always had it easy. We had some real struggles over the years.I'm glad we did because it made us stronger, more savvy and grateful when things improved. No we are not rich that I have always worked part time. We gave up a lot to do that in years past. All the past decisions bring us to where we are today. Not luck. I guess it really bugs me when people say we are so lucky. No planning and work did it not luck. It seems and really luck falls into play once you ALREADY did the necessary stuff so is it really luck?
 
#55 ·
Nodmicks-too true. I try to be satisfied w/ what i have and know what went into getting it. I see what others have as unrelated to me. Sometimes I have to admit to being curious as to how some people are managing like my Dneighbors w/ 5 cars and 3 college tuitions but its just an idle though. Everyone makes decisions about what to do and has to live w/ them. I dont drink,smoke,go to lots of parties or bars but I dont enjoy those things. I like quiet things,being in nature,my pets,home,resaling. To me thats fun. Having peace that good. If people say they dont get me thats ok. Thats literally what I say. Thats ok you dont need to.

I guess I just like it when people succeed in transformations. I love the weightloss shows and when people beat addiction or win the lottery.
It doesnt take away from me IMHO. Same w? helping people who turn around and burn you. I'm no sucker but I will take a chance when I feel I can. And I certainly don't feel like a fool. Thats on them.

I wanted to comment on the luck thing. I feel that is them trying to save face in their own mind. Because they see an accusation. not that you meant one. Like they could have done it just as easily. So it must be luck. If they could have they would have? training early and self confidence play a lg. part as well as self control and expectations.
 
#56 ·
I so agree with you FW! I have those thoughts here and there also. We know what dh's coworkers make. They are all in the same union and the scale is set. I do on occasion wonder how they can own Navigator and a Lexus and go to to the bars every weekend plus Europe. Like you said it is an idol thought without much concern or feeling to it.

I wonder why some see the good happening to others with Joy and others as taking away from them. I would enjoy understanding that just to see how the psyche works for them. I admit i feel a bit a fool with those who burn me but I do learn my lesson :)
 
#57 ·
Well i always try to put it in the frame of my religion. I am not doing it as an exchange for reward. Or buying a path to heaven. We are keepers of the gifts of God who owns everything that why he requires a 10% tithe. So if it isnt really your in the first place it is easier to let go. I dont know what someone w/o out that foundational belief does except strive for a high moral road.
And not to be saying the words
ignorant ungrateful "beach!" isnt muttered under my breath sometimes but i mentally give myself a time out. Because you can only come from your own head per se. And if your a house built w/o a foundation (good morals,love,empathy,trust,etc) what can be expected.
But thats just what i believe. Never stand around trying to shove it down anyone elses throat.
 
#58 ·
FW I think you're right...empathy IS dead. Its been replaced with instant gratification and jealousy. People only see and hear what they want. They think they're similar to you yet have a different work ethic and expect the same results. Less people are willing to WORK for anything.

Nowdays kids are graduating from university with a degree that they paid for, not earned (experience wise). Not trying to discredit them but when they apply for a job, they *expect* to get it simply b/c they have a $40k+ piece of paper. They get all heart broken, depressed and whiny b/c someone else got the job due to the fact that they had 10 yrs experience. This next generation seems to feel 'entitled' to a job immediately after graduating, without wanting to work for a job. "I did try. I posted my resume on monster 4 months ago. I don't know why I'm not getting any offers." :ugh:

A gf and I received the same $1 off coupon for tissues. She was so proud to have a high dollar coupon that she rushed out to use it immediately. Not knowing prices nor looking at flyers etc. We talked again later that week. She told me she paid $10.99 for the 6pk with the coupon. (OMG can you imagine $11.99/6pk tissues?! :thud:) I told her I paid $2.88 w/coupon for the exact same brand's 6pk. I found a sale in the flyers, price matched then used my coupon. Boy did she ever FLIP OUT. She thought I was lying. She understands the concept of coupons but not how to make them work for her. I think she's watched too many episodes of Extreme Couponing thinking that confetti and balloons were going to fall from the sky when she presented her coupon to the cashier.
 
#60 ·
I agree w/ you libby.
I grew up w/ the expectation of nothing. So I worked hard hoping for something. Thrilled at anything.
Thing generation shows up and looks for a ticker tape parade. My kids too.
They just sit around and wait for things to fall in their lap?? Why?

It really hard for me to interface w/ them.
 
#61 ·
we need a lol button...I have talked about money in the past I changed that policy fast..u either have more or less and someone is always envious of it...

yes I have debt it is getting paid off a little at a time... I live in a 3200 square foot house it is a very nice house compared to my friends who live in run down houses and drive 50,000 dollar cars and buy all name brand clothes at the mall....
I have a decent home, a beater car, nice furniture. shops sales, thrift and yard sale....

the biggest thing is that I hang my clothes they look at me like it is taboo.....but their electric bills have always been higher than mine,,hang meat in the summer and run around in shorts in the winter..

some just don't want to be frugal it is work u know hunting the best deals, unplugging stuff, 1x a month cooking, scratch cooking, mending things, hanging to dry... and the mall is fun lol

by the way I love hearing the success stories..I agree with the rotted nomad I have a few tricks but don't know enough....when I first came on board I said I was frugal 101... but now frugal 300's would like a phd like some of the ladies and gents here
 
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