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Do you not share your financial or frugal successes because of peoples reactions???

3K views 64 replies 30 participants last post by  frugalfranny 
#1 ·
I'm just curious if others don't share their financial or frugal successes because of the way others react.

Examples for us
~ we don't share our debt free status because people act like we are aliens, lying or it was all luck

~ I no longer share any of my stretch the budget tips unless very specifically asked because of hearing " I could/ would never do that because. Well then why did you ask me?

~ I wont share my buying resale with but a few select people. I have to laugh that they think a used shirt is gross. Ummm the one you bought in the store and just wore without washing was likely tried on by someone else.

Thank heavens for the Village!
 
#2 ·
I think I know what you mean. I don't have any great financial success to share with anyone, but tips I've learned here and elsewhere are not always well received. For example, a neighbor complains constantly about high electric bills (and they really are for all of us!), but when I told him about unplugging items, etc., he scoffed at the idea. Entirely too busy for that. Oh, well.

And as for thrift store shopping, I share that with a select few but not in general. Many people I know would take a dim view of anything from the GW store. Right now. However, we'll wait and see what they're doing next year. :)
 
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#3 ·
I must be in good company. Either that, or I just don't notice.

We've gotten remarks like "I'm surprised to see you at a garage sale. I thought you lived on the lake." Hellllloooooo, how do you think we can afford to live on the lake? The look on that person's face when I asked her that was priceless!

That old song lyric is going through my head again right now:

"It's all right now.
I've learned my lessons well.
You see you can't please everyone,
So you've got to please yourself."

:D
 
G
#4 ·
I have no problems sharing my successes in real life. I don't brag about it, but I have no problem. I find most people are in the same situation.

For example, a new woman started in our office this Jan. I had a B1G1F meal at Boston Market and asked her if she wanted to go to lunch. Now we go out together once a month whenever either of us has a coupon.
 
#5 ·
I stopped giving savings tips when asked since the response always seemed to be "I'm not going to do that" in a very childlike manner. I do not mind telling people I bought something at the thriftstore. There are some people I know that think buying something at macy's or lord and taylor is just outrageous and expensive. The whole concept of sale and coupon seems to evade them. One of these people does not understand paying a little more for something that will last longer. A shirt for 99 cents is what she will pay. And yes the shirt looks like it is worth 99 cents or maybe 1 cent.

Have found to many items at the thriftstore that still have the tags on them or look brand new.

Some of my friends like going out to starbucks. I would rather spend the money on clothing on clearance or at a thriftstore. People seem to have their own idea on how they want to spend their money. If they start complaining about not saving any money I just sit there and listen now.
 
#6 ·
I have a nice collection of friends and relatives(hubby and all the kids) who 'get' the joy of finding a good deal. Or to put it more pointedly, they understand the joys of letting others pay retail. The few friends and family members who don't understand, don't need to hear about my finds. They certainly don't need to hear about our God-designed wardrobes, made of items we've thrifted or had given to us from various sources. They wouldn't get it anyway. OTH, how do 'muggles' catch on unless somebody tells them and lights a fire?
 
#7 ·
I only share when I have to defend myself for driving a cheap model car. My coworkers all drive luxury cars....high end luxury cars at that. They were razzing a guy for driving a BMW 325 series the other day before they started in on me. I drive a Toyota Corolla. Im surprised they let me through the gate in the mornings. I retorted that my three homes are paid off. My goals are not to drive Porsches, but one goal is to be a millionaire before Im 45. I have 7 more years to go and Im right on track.
 
#8 ·
Yeah...once friends and family found out we had 2 years until our mortgage is PIF...we got the "oh, it must be nice, we have 20+ years left on ours". Does anyone else get the 'once over'...you know...someone looks you up and down...it's weird. Anyway I take it as...'well, she doesn't look rich' lol.
 
#9 ·
I don't share much because I was taught it was impolite to talk about money. I'm especially careful because I'm also a prepper which sort of shouts "Kooky!" in some people's minds. So when I meet people or are getting to know them, I just watch what they do. I'll explore frugal topics with them and if they seem receptive, the friendship continues to develop.

When hubby got laid off, DD was in the middle of softball season. We waited to tell people and eventually revealed the news to a couple who are good friends and also happened to have a daughter on DD's team. Their reaction was, at first, sympathetic but after that first say they acted like we were about to ask to borrow money from them! I was pretty put off by the reaction. Another couple we know who we're very close to, simply asked if we were going to be okay. I assured the friend that we were fine without giving too many details. I continued life as normal (give or take). I could tell that there were times when this friend completely forgot that hubby was unemployed - not that she was encouraging me to spend money - she'd just be in the middle of telling me something then realize that it might be a sensitive subject. I laugh because she almost seemed more upset about it than I was (privately I was pretty upset!) Other than those people very few people knew my husband was unemployed. The one family member who did know (my brother - I'm sure he told the rest of the fam) never even inquired how we were doing!
 
#10 ·
People that are my friends know im frugal. i shop at garage sales and thrifts. I don't take fancy trips 2 times a year. We have a van and thats it. I cook frugal meals and not steak every night.. I have been asked to teach a class at church on how to be frugal. Most is just common sense stuff. Yea i put plastic on my windows every winter. The people a few doors down hates it. But i save money on my gas and electric bills. We have a home that is 150 years old there house is only around 50 years old. Same size but during the winter they pay around a $100 more a month then we do.
 
#12 ·
You know, when word first got out that I was the frugal type, I got all kinds of weird looks and some condescending comments, BUT over time, I find a lot of people have been won over by my generosity at community functions, and my style (I call it "Thrift Store" style ;) ).

I think I opened a lot of eyes last year when I hired a personal shopper to help me revamp my entire wardrobe for $800. The women in town twittered a bit about me doing that I hear. To them that was an expense. So I was open with a couple of local gossips about how much it was costing me. They thought that a cheap wardrobe. For me it was my annual expenditure...in an expensive year. And I had to get rid of everything and start from scratch, so it wasn't that bad. AND it included no thrift store shopping.

I have no idea what those people were spending on clothes, but it must have been more than $800/year. Because suddenly everyone was talking garage sales and thrift stores. And complimenting me on my outfits. I just smiled and told them the jewelry was inherited and the clothes were off the clearance rack at such and such a store. That's how the personal shopper picked out all my clothes...off the clearance rack.

That $800 included having my colours done, a wardrobe de-clutter, alteration of all clothes to fit, and a style sheet given to me telling me all the styles that look good on me. And of course, the clothes...over 60 outfits. Way more than I'll ever need! That wardrobe is going strong 1 1/2 years later. Course now I've lost 25 lbs. I have to replace it again. :( Still, that's a good thing, and with my style sheet I have no problems walking into the thrift store and picking out something that looks good on me. :yippee:

I am now asked how I manage being frugal in other areas. Which is good for a laugh. I am like most people - more frugal in some areas than others.
 
#13 ·
SueBee that scoffing is a perfect example!

So true DS! Love it!

Telephus that was very nice of you. I have no problem sharing that kind of stuff. I recently shared we had paid off a mortgage and got another without mortgage due to some shuffling talking with someone saying they would have a mortgage until they died. The reaction I got would have had one thinking I had committed an atrocity and was un-American. Oh and I was SO stupid for not having a tax write off.

Shoiji~ I feel the same way about Starbucks. I've tried it twice. I think Macy's has good stack-able sales.

Abecedarian~ I'm envious you have some deal hunters around. I have a few family members but that is it.

Giro that made me giggle! What is it about cars and status with some people??? My dh gets crap about his on occasion.

Sophiasmama~ congrats on being almost there. I haven't found the once over so much as then people decide we make more $ than we do an thinking we should always be able to do xyz since we must have money.

I guess this is a march to the beat of your own drum but quietly for me!
 
#24 ·
I recently shared we had paid off a mortgage and got another without mortgage due to some shuffling talking with someone saying they would have a mortgage until they died. The reaction I got would have had one thinking I had committed an atrocity and was un-American. Oh and I was SO stupid for not having a tax write off.
Sounds like my Dad many years ago.

I pick and choose who I try to help and share info with.

I don't share any financial info with my SIL or her daughter. They are both living on the edge of financial disaster, they know it and every time they get in a bit of a financial pickle, they have to borrow a few hundred dollars from the MIL. After they die, I'm sure we would be next on the list to call when the time arises. For 20 years I have made it VERY clear to my wife that we will NOT become they local bank for them. For now, she agrees.
 
#14 ·
I, too , was taught not to talk about money. But I don't do it much because it might sound like bragging. I just don't think that bragging will accomplish anything. Yes, we have our successes, and we live debt free, and we have reached the stage of life where we can be generous like no other time of our life. We have been and continue to be very careful with our money and resources. If someone brings any of this up to us, we are glad to answer their questions. But as far as us bringing it up..... no. The exception is here on FV. I do brag a bit here, but I'm hoping you all "get it" or understand what we have been through, and that you share our joy.
 
#16 ·
I understand exactly!I believe the Villagers do get it. I know many of the same villagers were around years ago when I was so in debt with a poverty income. Without a lot of the stuff I learned here we would not be doing as well as we are today. Sometimes I go read my really old posts and amazed at seriously how much I learned.
 
#17 ·
Telephus 44, your post reminded me of something. Not very long back I was dating a man that would be considered pretty well off by most standards. We ate out all the time…Subway, Chili’s and places like that. He always clipped the buy one/get one coupons. Also, sometimes we would go to restaurants and split an entrée. He and I had similar ideas about that type of stuff. Actually, he was a keeper. I should have kept him. :)

And Giro, just curious. Do you plan on a new vehicle when you make that million? :lol:
 
#18 ·
Before I was laid off in 2009 I spent like there was no tomorrow & was in debt then when I was laid off for the 1st time ever I took a good look at myself. Now I'm careful. I work in a doc office and my manager is also frugal. We have alot in common. The other 2 ladies aren't and look down on us. I don't speak of my frugality, but I hear them make comments. The doc I work for plans on retiring in 2 yrs. so I keep telling myself I only have 2 yrs. left of them. The 58 yr. old receptionist just inherited supposedly a ton of $$. Yet she still works at her $14/hr. receptionist job. She charges up a storm. If someone mentions they bought a new pan she runs out and buys a new set, she went to LL Bean and bought the same cardigan in every color they have. She said she hates Pandora bracelets and has charged up a ton in that store lately. Nevermind that in her last marriage there was major credit card overspending issues. I just laugh to myself. They can look down on me all they want. I live comfortably, shop sales and get compliments on my clothes all the time. I won't even go into the fact she speaks of hubby #2 as if he's a thing of the past as if she's already planning #3. I'll keep my frugality and cherish what I learn here. Keep up the good tips!!
 
#19 ·
I will probably never buy a new car again, to be honest. I still have a loan on mine but it is 0 interest and I dont see the point in writing the check.

My daughter got her first job. Its a Macys type store (Elder Beerman) for those close to me. She was telling me about some of the crazy balances on peoples cards. We live in a society in which people spend themselves to death. My DH and I are ridiculously frugal for our income. I just dont see how some of my neighbors do it. New cars, expensive clothes, private tuitions, expensive homes...on and on. A lot of these people have one income or two incomes with only one "professional" income. I bet they spend 10x what my husband and I do. We are both professionals and have a household income of about $250k. I do not consider that a lot of money. I coupon. I drive a cheap car. My husband drives a 7 year old truck. We shop sales and my daughter works. How do people do it? My friend has a cupcake business and her husband makes less than one of our salaries. She is at the mall every weekend. i went once and watched her pay full price and drop at least 500 bucks on nonsense.

I look at my budget and I cant imagine the stress of having a bunch of debt on top of taxes, retirement savings, groceries, etc.

I am happy and healthy living my nonstress cheapo lifestyle.
 
#20 ·
It depends on the situation and person. I have no problem sharing with anyone the small frugal successes like a great find at a yard sale or thrift store, especially if I'm complimented on it. If they're appalled oh well. On the larger scale successes, like not incurring any debt while DH was out of work the larger part of the last two years, I don't share about much because people tend to get the wrong impression, like that I make BIG bucks. :LOL: The solution would be to give them specifics, like what I do make but with most people I just feel like getting that specific is none of their business.

The reality is I'm still learning and goofing myself, so in some areas, like forHISglory, I would feel like I was bragging while at the same time not feeling like I'm expert enough to do so. Again, like forHISglory, here seems to be a whole different ballpark as I feel more like we're just celebrating or supporting each other like getting an A on a test as we all know it's a journey.
 
#21 ·
Bingo RootedNomad. That's how I feel...like I'd be bragging, but I'm no expert right. And that we're all here to support each other.

Nodmicks: I should point out that the combination of the different pieces of clothing was over 60 outfits. AND, thanks to a friend, I was able to take most of them in myself this year to fit. Only a few found their way to goodwill.

Also, 60 outfits was way too many. If I had an idea it would be so many, I would have cut the shopping off earlier. The personal shopper was also very good at putting outfits together. When we got home she quickly laid everything out on the bed - all the bottoms with individual tops and blazers. Very well done. I've worn a lot of those outfits this past year.

She was very understanding when I told her I wanted to create a good looking, frugal wardrobe. But she really didn't want to shop the secondhand stores. I suspect it might be harder for her to do in a short space of time? Don't know really. I do know she was quizzing up the store owners of every store we went into, trying to drum up discounts with them. So maybe she just wanted into their stores to set up contacts.
 
#22 ·
I don't bring up money because I find that other people are uncomfortable talking about it. But if the topic turns that way I have no problem offering advice or trading tips.

Most people we know seem to assume that because we have no loans, car payments or mortgage that we must be rich or make more than they do. They just don't get that we live *within* our means and not off credit.
 
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#26 ·
I recently paid off our 1st mortgage. My BF called yesterday and I told her. I THOUGHT she would say congrats. but she said "well we would have but we remortgaged for the kids college". She is very competitive and I am not. It was weird. I just wanted to share success?
My parents never had a mortgage so they are thinking finally! just depends who you talk to.
 
#28 ·
Congrats to you FW!!!!!! We will celebrate with you!!! That is just the kind of thing I am talking about though with your friends reaction. Why can some one just say " good for you!"? I shared our no mortgage status with 2 friends. One was down right rude and the other who is much older than me was happy. My parent knows and was happy for us. Dh told no one.
 
#27 ·
Russ, I understand that well! Oh wow do I understand because the situation is almost mirrored!

SueBee, I really think that is how many people get well off~ frugality.

Giro, Good for you being on track to your personal goals.

Therootednomad, you and dh deserve a medal in my book! That is a huge accomplishment!

Peanut ,Wow that is a a lot for the $!!! I wish we were in the same area. I'd hire her!

Contrary Housewife, I shall never get why people assume one must be loaded to not have debt. A few years sacrifice and some basic math makes it possible not necessarily making a mint yearly. However I know years ago when younger I didn't think that. I learned lots of that here and from books.

Abecedarian, Woot on the kids being good bargain shoppers!!! You'll have to share pics some day if you can of your younger child's creations. It sounds neat! One of my kids spends every dime that comes into his hands and 1 is very a saver and bargain shopper. I have to kind of laugh that his friends envy his wardrobe. I only spent so much and he spent the rest. He loves a certain brand. However he is always hitting their online clearance and stacking discount codes. That $60-70 sweatshirt in the store gets cut down to $10-$13.
 
G
#30 ·
Actually, it's great because my new co-worker and I have birthdays that are a few weeks apart. We sign up for every birthday freebie out there, so in May we go to Red Robin for our free birthday burgers, Moe's for our free birthday entrees, etc. And we do share a lot of B1G1F coupons.
 
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