Frugal Village Forums banner

Yes, it's me, Pammy, going off the deep end..

1K views 19 replies 16 participants last post by  Anna43 
#1 ·
Join me will you?? Haha. Really, this is just a post for those with hopefully likemindedness who don't think I'm totally crazy to think that what I will be doing would be totally nuts.

Okay, recap, then plan of action. Recap is, hubby passed away last month. Long time battling cancer. Not fun in any way, shape, or form, for anyone. :( Poor dear man was truly one of a kind. Would never find another like him and never plan to.

So here I am, widowed. I am unemployed and unable to work for 3 1/2 more months, thanks to my stupidness and broken wrist. This external fixator is hideous, ugh.. Anyways, it does force me to do nothing, which in a good way gives me time to grieve and think. I do have medical debt coming my way, yessir. Here is where I need some wisdom and thoughts. I've had the suggestion I should file bancruptcy. If done, they take what little bit of life insurance I will get. It's gone. Yes, medical would be gone. Credit gone. I'm okay with the credit. Not really okay with having nothing to live on. On top of, both of my professions are not really feasible. Xray tech: although good income, i would have to drive 2 hours to find work as my rural area is saturated with techs. Hair: not stable for a long time (good year to get steady clientele), start up costs, etc. Both of those would be to satisfy this mortgage. Work work work to pay for something... that I don't really need??

House: $900 month. Not bad, but not good for a single person. 3 bed, 2 bath, fomal dining, all the heavy, nice furniture that it encases. Heating and cooling it. Do I need that?? My daughter, who lives here and pays half, has already expressed a desire to have her own space. I don't blame her one bit, she makes good money and I would feel the same in her shoes. And although it is helping me at the time, I have to think ahead.

So... if it were you... in these shoes... what would you do?

Here is my plan of action/going off the deep end: Sell it. Do not file bankruptcy and pay them monthly what I can. If they don't accept it and haul me into court, my credit is dinged same as bankruptcy, no? Let me stand in front of a judge with 0$ income and tell them I can't pay more. Whatever. Sell the home, which I should be able to make a profit on (we bought for 105k, the hubbies friend just wanted to be out of it after divorce, had it appraised for 140k the year before, houses selling very well here). Get rid of the expensive heavy furniture, sell it, it's paid for so it's cool. Never been one to be happy with 'stuff' anyways. Honestly, it's weighing me down.

My going off the deep end: With what cash I do have coming my way, buy land and something cheap to house in, paid for. No mortgage. Smaller, less to furnish, cool and heat. Get rid of 'stuff' and downsize extreme. I am one person. And be able to breath. Means I wouldn't have to make a lot. Means I can do something for a living that I enjoy, not work tons of hours just to pay for too much space I don't need that I'm never there to enjoy. I would have time to do things I want to do. Like garden. I have a black thumb, I admit, but would love to learn. Fish. Never knew how. Have never canned. Grow a veggie garden. Go camping again, whereas before there was never time with work work work... Really, what does one person NEED? A place to sleep, cook, go to the bathroom. What does society think we NEED? The big house, big car, and lots and lots of 'stuff'. Me, I need to breath!! And not worry about how I'm going to pay for everything every month. Knowing my husband as I do, it would hurt him to know it kept me up at nights worrying about money. He'd be behind this thought 100%, as he always has been (he was when I got it in my head to get debt free :) ).

If you were able, would you do what I'm thinking doing?? I do this, and have those jerko docs wanting their little bit after the insurance already paid and me paying what I can and take me to court, i'm sittin there with a tiny paid for house and car. Would a judge take it from me? No, you need a place to live and a way to ge to work. Am already looking into drafting a letter to ask for medical forgiveness, wouldn't hurt. Until then, the multitude of peeps (around 20) will get $5 a month until it's gone. Later when I'm able to work, will work on saving up and asking if they'll accept 'x' amount to call it good. For now, though....

Am I crazy??
 
See less See more
#3 ·
OK, big hugs! I have frequently heard that you should wait 6 months to make any major decisions after something traumatic like this. That being said, you might not have that much time because of the medical bills. Which I have some questions on.

1 - was the insurance through your dh?
2 - what is the cap out of pocket each year and for a lifetime on your plan?
3 - are you sure you are responsible for your late husband's bills? - I am thinking about student loans here - if I had a bunch and I died my dh would not be responsible for them in any way.

I would possibly talk to a lawyer about the best plan of action for the medical bills and find out all of your rights and exactly what the hospitals and doctors can do and can't do. These bills could linger for a decade or more - I would want to make sure you find out exactly what you are responsible for now - and don't just guess yourself, get outside help with figuring it all out. Could be worth it in the end.
 
#4 ·
It sounds like a good plan on the medical bills - I had a friend who was almost indigent, had a 3 week stay in the hospital (appendicitis, they couldn't figure out what it was) - she wound up with a settlement where she had to pay $10 a month. Let them wait.

ETA - also, check with the hospital to see if they have a charity program that could help with the bills. (((HUGS)))
 
#5 ·
First hugs to you.

Now onto money check with a lawyer to see how much of your husband's medical bills you are responsible for as a widow.

I know that my mom was only required to pay a certain amount of my father's medical bills after his death. When the hospital called for more of the bill she told them her lawyer said she had paid her required widows amount and not to pay anymore. The hospital never asked for another penny. It saved her from bankrupcey
 
#6 ·
Please please contact a lawyer. My good friend just went through this. I am so sorry for your loss, but now more than ever you need to be diligent about protecting yourself. My friend ended up getting all their credit card debt discharged because it was in her husbands name not hers. I was surprised but she walked away from over 12,000 in cc debt. Depending on the state you live in they can make you sell your home and give them the profit. They will just assume you can rent somewhere. My best friends father had this happen when he filed for bankruptcy. They made him sell his condo to pay off his creditors. My friends lawyer was her lifeline and helped her navigate through all the financial stuff. Saying a prayer for you.
 
#7 ·
I agree, first and foremost, find out exactly what you're going to be required to pay. That might take some of the pressure off. Also make sure you've exhausted every possibility for death benefits, such as military, any policy through job, etc.

Check and see if you can collect your husband's social security. But be sure to carefully look over all the options regarding that. Sometimes waiting till you're a certain age is more beneficial from a financial standpoint.

It sounds like you don't want to be rattling around in a big house alone. That's certainly understandable. But be sure you take loads of pics of the house you're in, to preserve the memories. You may not want to look at them now, but later when some of the pain goes away, they may be priceless even if your husband isn't in the pics.

Check carefully into the house and land idea. It might not be as cheap as you think. By the time you put in a well and septic system, and run in power lines, it can get very expensive before you even think about a house to put on the land. But having done that ourselves, we've found it worth it for the peace and quiet and just the natural beauty and wildlife around here. (Yes, even the bears. :rolleyes:)

Good luck and keep us posted. Yeah, those fixators are gross but so important. Hang in there! It'll just be a bad memory soon.
 
#8 ·
First I would talk to a good lawyer. Get to the bottom of how much you'll be required to pay. Then I would get the house looked at, what could you potentially sell it for? Plan plan plan. Don't do anything right now. Get all the facts. Sleep on selling the house. Start looking at other housing options. Take this time off work to sort out everything. No bankruptcy until there is no other options.

Sounds like it might be more house than you need, so I would probably sell it as well. Maybe you'll make enough to pay the bills off. Might be a good thing to start fresh. Change a bunch of stuff. I don't know, only you can know what is best for you.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this. But it doesn't sound like going off the deep end to me, sounds like you're moving in the right direction.
 
#9 ·
~If I was in your shoes I would sell absolutely everything I had that wouldn't fit into one of these: http://www.tumbleweedhouses.com/ and the large house too. I'd probably try to sell the most valuable pieces first through Craigslist than have an estate sales office manage the rest. I'd be sure to get a lawyer to help me navigate which bills to pay and which ones that offer a "break" due to the loss of my spouse. You have to qualify for a widow's benefit with Social Security so you will at least have that income. It may be enough to live in a tiny house and it may not.
Do you have any friends living near an x-ray technician's job? If it were me, I'd try to live in my tiny house in someone's driveway or backyard for about five years while I worked and saved 75% of my income. After that five years, you should be able to live off your savings and SS and only work more if you choose. Explore Tiny Living" blogs and sites for more info.
Again, so sorry for your loss. :( ~
 
#10 ·
They tell you not to make any major changes for year after an event like. But i do understand your angst.
After my DH's severe extremely expensive accident 7 yrs. ago I thought I would lose mine house and life too.
Firstly,gather the medical and figure out what you owe and slow pay.
Eventually a lot of this can be written off by the hosp. I came to a settlement w/ the taxes,hosp. and disability overpayment.

I would keep the house as long as i could. Can you live cheaper than $900. a month house payment? You could rent a room and generate that much. Yes,I know you prob. dont want to while your grieving.
How long can your DD stay? Is the house worth more? Maybe have an evaluation.
and yes I would contact a lawyer to see what they can and cannot do.
I the mean time apply for disability for that hand.
So many hugs and good wishes. Glad you popped in cuz you have been thought of.
 
#11 ·
Life insurance isn't part of his estate - so is the medical debt in his name or jointly in yours?
 
#12 ·
Pammy, is there any way to divide the house so there's a separate apartment for your daughter, if she's amenable to that? Or set up an apartment for someone else? You would have to check any local codes and/or HOAs or other regulatory bodies to see it that's legal. That way, you would have less space to care for and live in, and someone else could keep on sharing your mortgage payment while you both retained private space.
 
#13 ·
Pammy, so sorry to hear of your DH's passing. :(

I actually think you could do better short term with boarders in the house. We rent a room to an ESL student (international English as a Second Language student) for $600/mth. and that's cheap. We do it privately and are picky. If we went through the university we'd be paid over $800/mth., but there are more rules to follow. If you have empty bedrooms, you could put them to good use and make money, rather than lose it to the mortgage.

But if you live in the country, which it sounds like you do, then that might not be a feasible option. And, as previously mentioned, you may not want anyone there while you're grieving. Also, having someone new in the house can be stressful in and of itself. And that might be too much stress on top of dealing with DH's death.

I hear you about downsizing too. Our house is too big for the two of us...one reason we have a boarder. But if DH were to pass on, I would definitely downsize. So I'm thinking you could spend time the next while selling those big dark pieces of furniture (and other things), in preparation for the time when you will move.

Not being American, I cannot comment on the financial end of things. But I can say I feel sorry for you over all the bills you will be facing. :( I wish you the best of luck in dealing with them.
 
#15 ·
Thanks for popping in and letting us know how you are doing. Since you have no income and cannot work I don't think the hospital will take your life ins. They have to let you have something to live on. Fill out those papers for the hospital. I understand you wanting to move to something smaller, but since its better not to do anything big like that for awhile it would be a good idea to see if you could get someone to move in to share expenses and give you some time. I don't think you are crazy; I think you are doing quite well considering what you have been through. I do think it is a good idea to get a lawyer so you can find out exactly what you are responsible for. Any bill collector will take the money if you will give it to them; whether you owe it or not.
 
#17 ·
Answering some questions: Oklahoma, the state I live in now, doesn't hold you liable for medical debt unless I signed for it, and I didn't. However, the previous 2 years were medical bills from Texas, they do hold you liable, even though you didn't sign them. Have checked. Those will total around $15k. Am looking into seeing if they will write off some of them, the biggest one from the chemo doc who've we have paid off a large chunk already and have been paying faithfully over 2 years now. Insurance has already paid on most, and have agreements with all but one to accept $5 a month for now.

Home wise, I may be looking into a smaller home, already on a lot with utilities. There are some deals around here, as this area is mostly oilfield related and everyone wants bigger and better... I want smaller and cheaper. lol Saw one last night that was 35k cash, 2 bd 1 bath, with garage and new siding. Between life ins., 8k tax return i just found out was coming yesterday, I could probably chew them down some showing cash... then sell current home for a bit of profit, not to mention the furniture inside. And still have a good sized EF.

Daughter is my border for now, but not sure how long that will last, I know she wants her own space too. Her furniture is currently in our garage and she misses it, lol. She will stay as long as I need her to, but I'm trying to think ahead.

Would really like to avoid bankruptcy if possible. I have contacted a lawyer already, his thought is bankruptcy, but wonder if he's just wanting the dough. Would a financial planner be a better option?

Oh, and tiny house blog is one of my fave sites :D
 
#18 ·
I think a financial counselor / coach would be a better first idea, because if Bk is avoidable it's better to avoid it than to just go that route. A BK is far far worse for your credit than a couple lates/past due bills, after all.

You might try reaching out to Contact Us - Financial Coaching - daveramsey.com - let them know that you are a relatively young widow having recently lost your husband and are worried about possibly facing bankruptcy. DR has stated on air many times that he has a mandate to help widows, so I'm *hoping* (no promises) that these guys can offer you some discounted help.
 
#20 ·
I urge you before you do anything to discuss this with a bankruptcy attorney. You don't have to file bankruptcy but you need to know what your options are. What assets you could keep and which you'd lose. Since there is a remote possibility of bankruptcy, there are things you should not do on the eve of bankruptcy. There is also legitimate, legal pre-bankruptcy planning that can help you conserve your assets. Its possible the insurance money could go into an IRA and be exempt from creditors in or out of bankruptcy. Its possible it would be best for you to file bankruptcy before selling your house and furniture as it might be exempt to you in a bankruptcy. These and a dozen other questions can be answered for you by a good bankruptcy attorney which will give you information needed for your decision making.

Generally a husband or a wife is responsible for the others necessary food, housing and medical. Again that can vary from state to state. Each state's rules and regulations are different so only a local attorney can advise you. I would talk to an attorney right away because you need the answers before the medical people start collection activity.


You sound as if you are coping well. I'm not sure I'd be as upbeat as you seem but then I'm not terribly upbeat in the best of times! My cousin lost her dh in March and was saying somthing very similar about wanting to move RIGHT NOW but her girls have persuaded her to wait a year before making decisions. Financially she has that option. Its a lot harder when you do not have the financial withall to survive that year. I would not.
 
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top