I think my Son could be an addict (REALLY Long - sorry!)

**heavensent_7** · 07-10-2003, 10:27 AM

I have thought long and hard about this post, because I don't want to start an argument about drugs as people have strong and opposing views to the moral and medical side of them.

And I Know nothing anybody can say can help me And I didn't even know 'where' to post it, but I guess all it CAN be is a prayer request.

My DS 17 is my angel and has always been the most sensible of all the family children.

I know of recent years he has been experimenting with puff/weed/grass (all the older children have) and to be honest I haven't said anything. He doesn't parade it in front of me, either physically or verbally, and although I by no means condon it (especially for my 'own' children) I don't personally believe that it is 'physically' addictive or that it 'leads to other things' and I did it when I was younger to rebel etc. and I thought he would 'grow out of it' (or maybe not?) but there were worse things he could be playing with ~ IMO even alcohol.

He lives with his father (who is a complete idiot!) and would rather be 'friends' with them and 'cool' than be a parent. And I KNOW he takes 'soft' drugs and to be honest I wouldn't trust him looking after my dog let alone bringing up my kids (but that's life)

So I don't even live with my Son (which makes this even harder) but I think he could be taking cocaine!

I know 'some' of the kids he goes around with have already tried this drug. His whole personality seems to be changing, he has a VERY bad temper which he seems to lose more and more often. A few weeks ago he got mad at me over something silly and stormed off. (I assumed it would blow over) he WAS in the wrong and I thought he would calm down and see that and it would all be over ~ He still isn't speaking to me!

Apparently my brother tells me, they were at his house and my Son asked his father 'what would you do if you saw me taking (a drug)' nobody can remember what one. And his IDIOT father said 'take you outside and ask you if you had any for me' !!!!!!!

Anyway the point is ~ I've lived with addicts of one thing or another most of my life and I KNOW that ALL I can do is be there If/When he hits rock bottom and want's to change himself and hope that he doesn't do to much damage to himself or others in the mean time (assuming my fears are correct and not just fears)

I KNOW from a lifetime of experience that I CAN'T help him at all ~ until HE wants it.

I don't even know IF he is taking harder drugs

but this is MY son which makes it so much harder and different than giving advice to somebody else about the best way to deal/live with an addict.

I'm out of my mind! I know what I can and can't do ~ this unfortunately is second nature to me, but this is MY baby

I'm so sorry to go on and on, especially when there is nothing to say, just please pray for us that mostly I'm wrong and if I'm not this 'child' will ask for help before it's too late.

Thank you for listening to me rant.

**heavensent_7** · 07-10-2003, 10:33 AM

I'm sort of already regreting posting this! I don't mean to offend or shock anybody but I just had to 'talk' to somebody and I don't have anybody else.

Please forgive me.

**gemmbp** · 07-10-2003, 10:34 AM

Heaven,my son did the same thing,I understand what you are going through. All I know to tell you is-let him know that you suspect,and tell him you love him,and that you will be there for him-no matter what! Make it clear that it upsets and scares you and that you want to help. Other than that,my heart goes out to you

Good luck.

**Katybird** · 07-10-2003, 10:50 AM

Bev, I want you to know that I am keeping you and your DS in my prayers. I am sending many many

and healing

for you and your DS.

If you ever need to talk please feel free to pm me. I have been through much the same thing with oldest DS.

**homesteadmamma** · 07-10-2003, 10:53 AM

Bev, don't ever regret posting when you need to share. I'm sure there are many of us as parents who have gone through the same thing with a child, I know I have. Its not easy but I agree with the above post, let him know that you know and that no matter what, you care and love him unconditionally.

If he isn't open to counselling and getting help, then find someone that can help YOU deal with this.

Its a parent's nightmare and when they turn to harder drugs, the consequences are far reaching and touch not only their lives, but everyone around them. I won't go into details BUT I do speak from experience.

e-mail me if you need to talk, cj

**vecollins** · 07-10-2003, 11:00 AM

Bev, dont you regret anything you post girl, you know i post away when there are family issues..... I will keep you and DS in my prayers and hope you can find the answer.... He will most likely have to hit rock bottom and then start over..
Drugs are such a bad thing, my ex husband put us through that experience and i will never forget it...

Let me know if you need to talk, just pm me and keep us updated.

**Darlene** · 07-10-2003, 11:01 AM

I agree with what's been said Bev and am so glad you posted. It gives us a chance to support you. That's one of the reasons we are all here. Sure is scary those things you have little control over. Like CJ said, getting some help for you is a positive thing to do. It's about the only thing you do have control of in this situation. Big hug to you and wishes for your son to make his life better.

**Dedlered** · 07-10-2003, 11:02 AM

Bev, my thoughts and prayers are with you. Raising a child in today's society is indeed a challenge and I am scared for myself and my son in the future.
If there is anything I can offer, an ear or anything, please email me

**heavensent_7** · 07-10-2003, 11:15 AM

You are all so kind, I'm very emotional both with worry for what 'might' be and the on-going unconditional love and support I have always recieved here from the minute I came!

I know the future we have to face IF he is taking drugs of this nature

I grew up with an alcoholic and I have lived with a heroin addict.

I have been to many 12 step meetings myself so not only do I have my own issues but I have heard many heart wrenching stories and testimonies from hundreds of others.

I am hoping beyond everything, that Fear is knocking at my door and when I answer nobody will be there! And he is just being 17 and really touchy at the moment. Unfortunately I do fear otherwise, having watched him over many months and seen this before in others.

I Thank you from the bottom of my heart just for 'being here' I KNOW neither you or I can do or say anything to change whatever is, but sometimes I just need a shoulder and you have ALWAYS been it. ~ Thank you

I am so frightened for a future we haven't seen yet (which seems silly) but I've 'been there' before and the vision of what 'might be' is driving me insane with worry and pain.

Thank you SO much for being here and always understanding and offering your love. xxxx

**mrscornbread** · 07-10-2003, 11:18 AM

Bev, I hope you dont think that any of us have lived in such a hole that we are not aware of the dangers, risk and possibilities that even our own children could fall under the very same spells of drug addiction. The village is a place of healing and friendship where we as a unit of comraderie can come together and work things out. You and your son will certainly be in my prayers, but I feel very comfoprtable in saying that the whole village will pray that he comes clean and stays that way...love to you

**voodidit** · 07-10-2003, 12:26 PM

Bev, first I love you and remember you should never be scared to tell us anything. That is why we are here. To support each other when times get rough.

Second, I agree, let your son know what you suspect and even if he denies it, which he probably will. Just let him know that you are going to be there for him.

Sending an

to watch over you both.

**CAGmomof2** · 07-10-2003, 12:29 PM

Bev, I will be praying for you, & for your son.

**guest2** · 07-10-2003, 12:37 PM

Bev,
My heart, love and prayers are with you and your son. You have gotten some great advice here from these wonderful ladies. I worked at an alcohol and drug rehab program for about 3 years and have seen the healing that can take place in families and lives if and when someone admits that they have a problem and wants to be free from their addiction. I pray that your son is not doing cocaine, but if he is, please do let him know what you suspect and that you love him unconditionally.

**paelthom** · 07-10-2003, 01:26 PM

Bev,
My heart goes out to you and your son. I am sending a prayer right now for healing in your son's life and for strength in yours. We will always be here for you, for the good, bad or somewhere in between. The village is for helping each other.

**Missy** · 07-10-2003, 01:53 PM

Aw, Bev! Don't ever regret needing to share troubles! that is what friends are for! All I can offer is a ear to listen to you, and hugs too. I wish I had some wonderful advice to give, but I think the other ladies here have given some great advice!