Anyone with an overbearing mother?

**mommy2many** · 01-11-2005, 09:44 AM

Even though I I love my mother she is SO overbearing and controlling even now that I am married with "many" children seems like I can't do anything right....Anyone else have a mom like this and how do you deal with it and react to it. I think this has influenced my life ALOT as far as me being shy.

Anyone out there on the same common ground?

**pip** · 01-11-2005, 02:36 PM

I don't know if my mother is really overbearing, but sometimes she seems controlling. (I mean, I am 45 years old and have three kids of my own!) When she seems to be fixated on telling me what to do, I think of an an excuse to get off the phone. I do think that she has a lot of fears in her life, and that seems to influence her outlook on the world. It's kind of sad, really.

**pip** · 01-11-2005, 02:39 PM

Just thought of something else. My parents were very protective of us when we growing up, we didn't get to do much that other kids our age were doing. I am also shy and don't have much self-confidence. I think that has to do with not being able to learn things by doing them myself, know what I mean?

**Missy** · 01-11-2005, 03:40 PM

my mother isn't but i tell you what, MIL is.

**Michele Annette** · 01-11-2005, 04:15 PM

Just thought of something else. My parents were very protective of us when we growing up, we didn't get to do much that other kids our age were doing. I am also shy and don't have much self-confidence. I think that has to do with not being able to learn things by doing them myself, know what I mean?

I know exactly what you mean! My Mom used to be controlling when I lived at home and sometimes she would try to be controlling when I visited home, when I got married. I could never clean well enough and I used to get reprimanded for it all the time, while my Brother never had to do anything- literally. I didn't have much self confidence growing up because my parents sheltered me so much while I was growing up. I was never allowed to do anything, so I snuck around a lot. Then with any type of life decision I would make on my own they would criticize...well what the heck...how was I supposed to learn anything when they wouldn't let me do anything and then when I'm old enough to do it, criticize the way I do it? This is not teaching here! Not only was my Mom a little overbearing, my dad would secretly threaten all my boyfriends when they came to the house.

Seriously, he would tell them that he would kill them if they laid a finger on me. He stopped after I started going out with DH for some reason. Probably because I told him that I didn't like it!

Not anymore. Mom and I have both changed a lot (Dad too). With much clarity from DH, I was able to stand up to my parents and let them know where the bear %*&^! If they didn't like something in my life, too bad. As long as what I was doing wasn't hurting them emotionally or physically then they would have to come to terms with it...like moving away or being married to DH.

We all have a much stronger relationship now that I can really talk with my parents. I tease Mom now what a clean freak she is or when she blows up from holding in the stress and blowing up at someone later. (she used to do that to me all the time...no longer). The best thing I could do was to tell my parents how I really felt and that was so very hard at first and it has become so much easier over time. Now I can say anything and not hurt them and vice versa.

**blueknitter** · 01-12-2005, 10:35 AM

Me, big time. In all my life, anything less than perfection was intolerable. Perfection wasn't met with praise, either, because it was expected. When I finally started living my own life, on the sly, of course, I made some mistakes because I had never been taught to do things in a "normal" fashion. I still get reminded of them, constantly. Nothing I do is ever good enough, still. And I moved 60 miles away from her just to get my own breathing space. As I get older, and the kids get older, too, we've gradually pulled back from her to where we only see her and the rest of that side of my family on holidays. That's not how I would have liked it, but my sanity was suffering. Since we stopped spending time with them, my panic attacks have all but ended. It's sad, but true.

**Bessiemae** · 01-12-2005, 08:16 PM

Me, too! My mom is beyond domineering...SCARY! She Who Must Be Obeyed. Our wedding? We had the wedding of HER dreams. Nice party, but it wasn't us.

When we got married, she wanted us to move into a rental house of her's in a cool trendy neighborhood, rent- free....3 blocks from her house! We passed and paid rent..in a suburb about 15mi away.

She continues to be pushy. Continues to buy me stuff she thinks we "need" or must have. Stuff in her taste/decorating. For Christmas? She gave me Country Club type Pendleton ensembles.

I'm more the LL Bean/Coldwater Creek kinda gal. Of course she bought them on clearance, so I couldn't take them back.

Ds2 barely tolerates her as she constantly pesters him about school( a sore subject), and gives him stuff embedded in cat hair..he's very allergic to cats!

**halo475** · 01-12-2005, 08:22 PM

Absolutey!!

**frugalandsimple** · 01-17-2005, 05:27 AM

My mom isn't bad as she used to be maybe because I'm older now and she knows I won't listen if she tries giving me unwanted advice. She wasn't too happy with me when I dropped out of my local community college. I don't regret dropping out either. I don't drive much because I HATE driving partly due to my mom's influence when I was in driver's training. She would make me so nervous and felt like I was doing everyting wrong.

I'm EXTREMELY shy and have a difficult time making friends. I do put some of that blame on my parents because I felt like the "black seep" in the family as I was groing up.

I have seen sad results from parents being overly protective and overbearing/controlling of their kids/teenagers.

**mom2mykids2004** · 01-17-2005, 11:42 AM

I'm right with you! My mom is very overbearing. She is constantly buying things for my house that we *need*, she is here everyday telling me how to spend my day "why don't you go clean the bathroom, if I wasn't here nothing would ever get done around here" It drives me NUTS!! She tells me what to do with the kids. It's really bad but what do you do about it LOL

**MarshHen** · 01-17-2005, 02:52 PM

I used to think my mom was, but now that I am a momma to two grown children, I realize it was just loving concern. Mom is gone now, and I wish I had her wisdom.