Input please....

**RuthNY** · 01-24-2005, 08:01 AM

Not sure where to post this....

My lease runs out April 30th. That will mark one year of being on my own. It's been bad, it's been decent, and it's been great.
I've known for a long time I won't renew, but not been too sure where I'm going. I need need NEED to get to where I can dig in the dirt. It's been major self deprivation living in an apartment that you enter by a center hall, no access what-so-ever to the outside from my apartment. That said, I like it here. It's clean, safe, quiet and I'm allowed to have my dog. I'm on my own and I find I don't mind being by myself (sometimes).

Dave has asked me to move in with him.

It'd be great to not have a half hour drive between houses. It'd be great to have more time with him and get to know him even more. It'd be great to not have to pay rent for a while. That would cinch paying off my debt by this summer so that we can really start making plans on an equal basis.

That said....it's not my house. I worry I'd feel like a house guest, that it would never be 'my' house. Does that make sense?
It's right in town with no garden space and 'city' birds. The house hasn't seen a woman's touch in 3 years, so there'd be alot of work to bring it up to where I'd feel comfortable. (cleanliness and organization are very important to me) I wouldn't mind the work, it's just how would I ever get comfortable enough to start cleaning and decluttering without insulting him. I don't mind looking the other way when I visit, but if I were to live there some things would really have to be cleaner.

He want's to seriously talk about it on Thursday. I don't know what to say. If it weren't for the above issues, there isn't anything else that would keep me from saying yes. But these are genuine considerations to me.

Please give me input.

**Darlene** · 01-24-2005, 08:40 AM

If you have reservations, I'd hold back. That said, no harm in talking about it and communication is a wonderful thing. No settling for anything this time around, follow your heart & your head.

I'd also try to negotiate a lease where you'd have a little bit more flexability to move here, there or anywhere when you'd like with a reasonable ammount of notice.

**PrairieRose** · 01-24-2005, 11:44 AM

I agree with Darlene. If you're not sure you want to move in with him then I wouldn't. It would be a pain and costly to move out in a short period of time. Perhaps you could just rent your apt. for say 3 mo.s at a time rather than a 6 mo. or yearly lease? Or maybe you could find an apt. a bit closer to Dave.

**sixfreds** · 01-24-2005, 03:34 PM

I would go with what you feel is right inside, if you think that moving in with Dave would be the right thing then I would but if you are worried about it then it is not the best idea.

Good luck deciding..
Eileen

**Michele Annette** · 01-24-2005, 04:31 PM

Ruth, I agree with what everyone has posted above, but if you are concerned with some issues then I would hold off a bit. You said that you "need" a garden space, but moving in with Dave will not give you a garden space. Maybe you would like a garden space right now...maybe you can find another apartment closer with a garden space. Whatever choice is right for you Ruth.

**Milhos** · 01-25-2005, 12:42 PM

Although it may seem "convenient" now, don't do it. Not if that's the first reason that comes to mind. You can always continue to get to know him as you have been until your first reason is more along the lines that you can't help but picture your rocking chairs next to each other at the end of the day. Until that happens, it would be putting you both in an eventually turmultuous situation. That doesn't mean that you won't move in with him someday, it just means that if you do it too soon, your already brewing feelings of not belonging will only keep you distanced. Ask him if he's willing to start letting you do stuff to the place now. If he's hesitant, April will be too soon for the both of you. I'm sure that's not what you want to hear, but one year later is a time for pacing yourself because you have yourself now and it will be you, yourself that will live the rest of your life with whatever decisions you make now. I hope that it works out for you, whatever you decide to do.

**RuthNY** · 01-25-2005, 02:35 PM

You all are right, when in doubt...don't.

Actually this is so fast. I think it's just out there because my lease ends then. I don't think he'd have asked if there wasn't that time limit. I just think I need to find a place closer to him, maybe half way between work and him.

I was also thinking about looking to buy a house, maybe with his input, not too far from his place of work so that it might be my home without him or our home with him, in case he'd consider relocating. As it is he lives right accross the street from his work.

I don't need a place to stay, I need a home.

I guess I know what I'll say when we talk this out. Thanx!