This Should Rattle Your Brains A Little :)

[COUNTRYBUMPKIN]

THIS SHOULD RATTLE YOUR BRAINS A LITTLE

If you ever feel stupid, then just read on. If you've learned to
speak fluent (U.S.) English, you must be a genius! This little
treatise on the lovely language we share is only for the brave.
Peruse at your leisure, English lovers.

Examples of why the English language is so hard to learn:

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to
present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When I shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor
pine inpineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is
neitherfrom Guineanor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers
don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend. If
you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them,
what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats
vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man
and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your
house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by
filling it out, and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.
That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the
lights are out, they are invisible.

P.S. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?


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Differences in pronunciation are of course mainly because English
doesn't use accent marks or other orthographic notations to denote
differences. Each word has to be learned individually. F.

[PrairieRose]

Gosh Lynn, I feel so smart Learning to speak english was no big deal to me. I was doing it before I knew it

[Lori Biever-Launder]

Read a very little known book by Dr. Seuss (yes, THAT Dr. Seuss) called, "The Tough Coughs As He Plows the Dough". It talks about the different pronounciations, etc. Then you will be REALLY smart!