Husbands $$$ stash

**jlxian** · 04-26-2005, 04:32 PM

How would you ladies react if you found out your husband had a LOT (he said thousands) of money stashed away in his closet?

Mine told me last night about his stash, "just in case anything happens" to him and I need it. He considers it HIS money, but said it was available for emergencies too. He has squirreled this away from his pocket money -- great for him, but.....

I'm still not sure how to react to this. We don't talk about money a lot, so this is really the root of the problem. But there have been more than a few times when I have panicked about our money situation and have taken money out of savings to pay a bill. And my fault lies in not having told him about it, I guess.

But truthfully, I'm not sure if he would have forked over any of this money in those instances.

We need to talk about it, I know, and I will do that tonight. But I'm just curious how you ladies would react if you learned of your husband's money stash.

Thanks for any insights.....

**Englishlady** · 04-26-2005, 04:53 PM

I think I would be upset first of all as I would take his "not telling me" as a lack of trust

Maybe, the fact that he is telling you now is his way of correcting that?, maybe he feels guilty that he kept it a secret for so long?

It depends on how you divide up the marital Income, I supose, we have always shared everything, even though, now I am no longer able to work.

We pay everything in to our joint accounts and I am actually the "Accountant" in our house

and DH says I am very good at it!! We each have personal pocket money and I doubt if either of us could ever accumulate a huge stash from that

If you are able to, sit down with DH and tell him that you are not sure how to react to his "surprise revelation" and ask him to talk you through his reasons..........ask him if he feels that the money is a "tool" that he would be willing to use, if circumstances required it, OR does he feel it is a Financial "Security Blanket" ?

If it is the latter, then maybe you could work on having a joint fund that would cover emergencies?

I do hope that when you sit down and talk about it, that you get the reassurance that you need & that you can sort it out amicably.

Karen

**homesteadmamma** · 04-26-2005, 05:19 PM

I'd hit him over the head with a frying pan and then I'd talk.

I think I would sit down with him and share your feelings about this. If your hurt because he has done this, explain that to him. If you think its a trust issue, talk to him about that too. (All the while trying to remain calm.)

Also tell him how much you appreciate that he has done that (he did say it was in case anything happened to him.) Give him credit for the fact that he was able to save so much even if he didn't tell you. That should go a long way in helping discuss the issue I would think.

If it was me, I'd be very concerned about having "thousands" of dollars in my home. We home invasions on the rise, I'd feel far safer it be in the bank earning some sort of interest.

Talking about finances and money is difficult. It has to be done though because eventually something like this comes up where he's hidden money from you and you've not told him about having to take money out of savings.

**Tootsiebella** · 04-26-2005, 05:53 PM

First of all, I hope that your chat with him tonight goes well- I know it would be hard for me to accept this situation if I were in your shoes, but I think the only way forward is for both of you to be totally honest about how you feel about it, the issues regarding money, both personal and joint, and how you plan to go forward with it in future.

I would not mince my words about how you felt on learning about his stash- He needs to understand how serious it is for you.

**AmyMCGS** · 04-26-2005, 06:12 PM

I'd be very upset with my DH if it were me in that situation... but we share everything. I'd be furious if he kept that kind of a secret from me. We've never had mine/his when it comes to anything, so, I guess that's a different situation.

I hope your chat goes well!

**forestdale** · 04-26-2005, 06:21 PM

I'd be happily surprised if I found my DH had a stash of money. I consider "his" money our money, and vice versa so maybe I'd have a problem with him claiming it as his. Apart from that I'd be pleased he'd saved so much.

**Chea** · 04-26-2005, 08:13 PM

I think I would be pretty upset over the fact that he was keeping a secret at all.

But then I would be relieved that he had been able to accumulate some moolah all on his own! I can't blame you for being upset -- and communication isn't always the easiest thing but I think he's moving in the right direction!

**Mom23boys** · 04-26-2005, 08:17 PM

I would be upset with the fact that he never told me about, not that he is saving it.

I would talk to him about it and tell him that you have been having to remove money from savings to pay bills because you didn't have enough money to go round. Hopefully he will be understanding and start helping you with that.

Good luck with your chat.

**Jerrie K** · 04-26-2005, 08:26 PM

I'd be hurt/angry that he felt the need to hide it from me. Dh tells me all the time about guys at work who always hide $ from their wives. Some wives who have no idea even how much their husbands paycheck is. We have no his/hers anything including bank accounts. I hope that your talk goes smoothly and he is open to your feelings on this.

**bamamomto4** · 04-26-2005, 08:40 PM

I'd be happy that he saved the money,but hurt for him not telling me. Maybe he thought that was the only way he could save...if you didn't know about it. Maybe if you knew,it would've been spent.....make sense?

On another note..Dh doesn't have ANYTHING in his closet/drawers etc I dont know about. He can never hide presents/gifts from me ...Call me nosey

That being said....I'd wait till he was gone, find it and take some

**dolphin** · 04-26-2005, 08:51 PM

I would be thrilled beyond belief, lol. I would say, good for you and thank you for letting me know and now honey, lets put that money in a bank where it is safe.

My dh has squirreld away money for lots of years and when I do tell him I'm desperate to pay a bill or need medicine, he says, "I can cover it". He never lets me know how much he has saved and I never ask the amount. He saves his pocket money to do major house repairs and/or buy something for one of his hobbies. It really is his money to do with what he wants. He just didn't spend his allowance. If I had squirreld the money away, I would expect him to feel the same way. We share our bank accounts and finances but when one has extra, we try to save it. I never do because I'm not very frugal all the time but dh is great at saving and is actually what one would call "tight".

I encourage him to save up and never tell me where he hides it or how much he has saved. Heck, if it weren't for his saving habits, we'd probably never save anything.

I hope your talk goes well. I'm sure if you had told him about having to take money out of savings he would have given it to you. Big hugs and don't take it so hard.

He wasn't being decietfull, he was SAVING!

**i.m.cheap** · 04-26-2005, 09:16 PM

I would be very impressed if my DH had managed to save that much from his pocket money. It was good of him to let you know about it.

**Early Bird** · 04-27-2005, 07:20 AM

Do you have any money squirrelled away?

I do -- hundreds, not thousands, though. And it's not in cash; it's sitting in the 'allowance' category of our joint account. DH has a couple hundred in his, but I generally have more. It just makes me feel secure -- like if I really wanted a new sewing machine, I could just go out and buy it!

**Darlene** · 04-27-2005, 07:45 AM

I'd be glad he saved the money but upset that he didn't tell me and didn't have it put somewhere safe, earning interest.
Glad he told you about it though and that you are going to talk.

**dhmunoz** · 04-27-2005, 08:17 AM

I went through something similar last summer.

We never have much extra money to begin with, but all the sudden DH seemed to always have money whenever the need arose. Then our car started acting up...it's pretty old...and we were browsing at a car lot one day, and saw a pretty van. DH said "lets go for a test drive" and I was thinking "well, whatever" because I was sure that we were not going to buy it--but then he DID! IN CASH!! So of course I interrogated him about where he got so much money. He told me that he had a "little extra money" at the bank, in a safe deposit box. The next day, he gave me an exta SD box key, for "just in case"...and YES nosy me went to go check it out. There was about $10,000 in that box.

It had been given to him by his grandfather.