needs some suggestions about my sister

**pita1213** · 11-18-2005, 08:22 PM

ok first i'll give ya a little background on what's going on with my sister, then tell ya what i need suggestions on.

it's seems she and her husband are having some problems. i'm not sure how long it has been going on but it doesn't look good for their marriage. he told her a couple of days ago that he is thinking of quiting his job so he can have more time to himself and ;his band. this isn't some big time band or anything, but he has been playing with them for quite a few years. he's been staying with a guy in the band at least lately. i don't know it he has moved out or just stays over there part time. from things that have been said, he's been drinking a lot. i don't think he's gotten into drugs, just drinking, though that's bad enough. on the postitive side, his family sees this behaviour and are as shocked as we are. they see his actions as they are and not through rose colored glasses. nor do they blame my sister. so she does have support from both sides of the family no matter what ends up happening.
they may try counselling. i think my sister at least needs to go see one for herself. i know that they won't be spending thanksgiving together. usually they would go to his mom and stepdad's house, but she doesn't want to do that. his dad and step mom invited her to go with them to there mountain cabin and i think she's going to go with them.
she's going to come watch my kids on monday while i'm at the hosptial with dh(he's having his gallbladder removed) and i'm going to talk to her sunday before she comes over to see if she wants to spend the night that night and she can go to work from our house. i am also going to see if she wants to have dinner with us on her birthday (hers is the 7th and mine is the 13th) i'm afraid that her dh (and no that's not for dear) won't be around for her birthday or even talk to her that day and i don't want her to be alone and depressed. so i'm hoping she'll come up and spend a few hours with us. i'm also going to invite her to come to our house for chirstmas. she can spend christmas eve with us and open presents in teh morning. then we can either go to my folks house or they can come up and see us. but i thought that having a quiet christmas eve and christmas morning would be good for her. it would just be the 4 of us and her. when i talk to her on sunday, i'm also going to make sure she knows she can talk to me whenever she needs to and if she needs anything i'm here for her.
i don't want to seem like i'm trying to smother her, so i'll give her hte offers and let her decide what she wants to do.

that's a bit longer than i planned. sorry about the bit of venting. anyway, what i wanted suggestions on is what should i do for her for her birthday and christmas presents? i normally give practical gifts and had planned to give her a gift basket of kitchen related items. i have most of them gathered already so i still plan on giving it to her, but i want suggestions on things to put in with it.
maybe things to pamper herself or to keep her spirits up?
i crocheted her a snowflake garland to go on her small tree she decorates with snowmen. i was thinking about taking the prayer shawl i made for my grandmother (she passed away last month so my mother gave it back to me) and adding a border around it and giving it to my sister. does that sound a little morbid?
those of you that have gone through marriage problems and even divorces( from other things i have been told, it may end that way) what kinds of things do you think would help cheer her up a bit?

**Kimberlina** · 11-18-2005, 08:40 PM

Can the two of you maybe go out and just have a nice dinner togther or something? She may just need time with you to talk.

**pkellyc** · 11-18-2005, 11:11 PM

My divorce from my first husband was on Dec. 3. It was awful, right in time for the holidays. I don't think you can give her anything to cheer her up with the exception of just being there for her. Keep her busy. I once read an article that compared divorce with a death of a loved one and that was exactly how I felt at the time. I felt numb. I had no children of my own and spent the holidays that year with my family and their kids. And it did help me through them.

I also think the prayer shawl is a wonderful idea. I know I would be so touched by it. I know we always want to fix things for the people we love but sometimes just being there is all we can do and at the same time the best we can do. She is lucky to have such a caring sister.

**rebecca** · 11-19-2005, 07:12 AM

The best thing you can do for your sister is to be there for her. My sister is having a hard time right now because her boyfriend of seven years died. Just be there for here and listen. It's hard to see your sister having to go through this. I hope things will turn out for her. Let her know that you will always will be there for her. My heart goes out to your sister!

**canadian gardener** · 11-19-2005, 02:07 PM

that shawl sounds like a warm hug from family and it would be something she could touch and feel when she is feeling truly shell shocked by it all. Something that says she matters.

Got no good advice other than in any grief, it's a help to have a loving face who cares, who listens and who offers Kleenex and tea and time.

Sounds like you got it covered.

**pita1213** · 11-19-2005, 03:14 PM

thanks ladies

**Darlene** · 11-19-2005, 04:28 PM

Just love her up.
Sorry she's going thru this but glad she's not letting herself try to fix him, he's got to do that all on his own. Sounds like he's not resposible enough to take care of himself let alone your sister and their maybe someday family. I wish her the strength to walk away and start life anew filled with many good things.

**seatosea** · 11-19-2005, 06:11 PM

I'm so sorry your sister is going through this especially at this time of the year. I think the best gift is just being there for her and having her over for the holiday. I think the prayer shawl is a lovely idea. Big hugs to you both.