I need some opinions please..sorry...kinda long

**DorothyBeverly** · 02-27-2006, 12:43 PM

Ok..I will try and make this as short as possible...DH's birthday is on the 6th of March and my DB's is on the 4th..so we always celebrate them together. This year we are going to Red Lobster and bowling....DH got to pick this year. Well..anyways..it's going to be me and him, my brother and his girlfriend, my Mom and Dad, my two younger brothers, my sister and her fiance, and I invited my friend and her husband. Well...DH and I decided that we would sit in non-smoking at the restaurant and here are our reasons:

1. my sisters fiance has asthma and allergies
2. my sister, my brother and his girlfriend, my brothers and my Dh do not smoke

I thought it would be more comfortable for everyone. Well..my friend and her husband said they are not coming because they don't want to sit in non-smoking. They are both smokers.....I smoke, and my Mom and Dad smoke and they have no problems with it and are willing to compromise so everyone can enjoy their dinner. My friend and her husband actually got mad at us and said they are not coming. Do you think it's right for them to get mad at us for making this decision? I think they are really being petty and immature.

What do you guys think?

I called the restaurant and they don't even have a smoking section large enough to accomodate all of us..but they (my friend and her DH) said that doesn't change their minds....

I am so mad....i just want another point of view on this..thanks ladies!!

**FrugalMomof3** · 02-27-2006, 12:50 PM

Well I think they are being petty, it's not like your single-ing them out because they are the only smokers, there are other smokers in the group and while the others are willing to compromise, they should too.

Are you sure they aren't coming because of the smoking issue? or are they just using that as an excuse?

I wouldn't worry about it, your main concern is that DH and DB have a wonderful time as well as everyone else. JMO!

**Darlene** · 02-27-2006, 12:53 PM

I don't think it's "right for them to get mad, it sounds like an irrational judgment on thier part. All you can do is say that you'll miss them there. Sad that they can't forgo smoking for a bit (or stepping into the bar for a quick puff if needed) and are "mad".
I would let it go and just plan on enjoying youreself. You did nothing wrong or mean to them.

**paelthom** · 02-27-2006, 01:04 PM

I'd go and enjoy myself and not worry about them one bit. If they want to act that way, I'd rather not have them there to start with.

**DorothyBeverly** · 02-27-2006, 01:10 PM

I am thinking maybe they are just using that as an excuse, too. I asked her last night if she would rather get her way than spend time with her friends and she said yea..if you want to look at it that way. DH is really hurt and upset, but we are not going to let it upset our plans....but this kind of behaivor is not uncommon for her. She is one of those types of people that have a hard time compromising. We have went thru alot of dealing with her "temper tantrums" and to be honest with you, I am just ready to end the friendship and I think this is the last straw for DH...I just don't know what to do.

**frugalbutterfly** · 02-27-2006, 01:13 PM

Well, some people think life is all about them and their way! I mean, it is not their parites in the firts place and if they know several are not smokers and umm, well have problems, very, very well unkind to endanger others knowing this and angry at you. Well, if you can't go without and adjust to a situation, you have much bigger problems and it will come back and bite them. Sorry to sound so harsh, but it is not about them. It is about friends and family being together and celebrating ones life, your DH's and DB's. Just tneds to show you who people really are and who your ture friends are and ones you can count on, same with family, let it go and jsut make a "mental" note for your futrue "references"

**AmyBoz** · 02-27-2006, 01:21 PM

Oh, for heaven's sake...you are all adults and they are acting like children. Go and have a good time without them.

**FreesiaE** · 02-27-2006, 01:21 PM

Well, I hope they never come down to Lexington. We are non-smoking. That's all restaurants, bars, etc. I don't see why they would need to smoke at a dinner table especially with someone who has allergies in the party. They can't sit for an hour without a cigarette? This is poor decorum on their part.

**guest32** · 02-27-2006, 01:25 PM

Oh please.....they won't come cause they can't smoke? How immature is that? Sounds like a high maintanance and toxic friendship to me...things always have to be *her* way or no way. Besides I think it's downright rude of her to get mad over it...I say go have a party and don't give them a second thought. And I don't think I'd waste my time inviting them the next time, since if it wasn't perfectly what she perferrred, she'd complain about that too. Life is too short to have "friends" like this....

**DorothyBeverly** · 02-27-2006, 01:30 PM

Exactly my thoughts you guys....thank you all for making me feel better

**sixfreds** · 02-27-2006, 01:32 PM

I say it is your plan you get to decide if they don't want to go the you guys and have a good time without them!!

Eileen

**fernykins** · 02-27-2006, 02:01 PM

Go have fun........ Somebody who smokes should know that there are people who can not be around it...... Enjoy your DH and DB's birthday........
Fern

guest7 · 02-27-2006, 03:16 PM

Originally posted by mermaid59
Oh please.....they won't come cause they can't smoke? How immature is that? Sounds like a high maintanance and toxic friendship to me...things always have to be *her* way or no way. Besides I think it's downright rude of her to get mad over it...I say go have a party and don't give them a second thought. And I don't think I'd waste my time inviting them the next time, since if it wasn't perfectly what she perferrred, she'd complain about that too. Life is too short to have "friends" like this....

you said it perfectly.

**Michele Annette** · 02-27-2006, 04:21 PM

I'm sorry your friends have to act this way. I think that it's terribly rude of them to even bring up an issue like this. I used to have a friend who would also throw "tantrums". I couldn't deal with a relationship like that and pushed that one aside. It's too bad that something so petty as smoking and knowing that it is harmful to others is her main priority over your DH's birthday event! How selfish and disrespectful. I am sorry for you.

**canadian gardener** · 02-27-2006, 05:33 PM

I ditto the above ladies!

Honestly! How immature of them. Life is NOT all about them.

AND when other guests have health issues, it's not unreasonable to make the arrangements so the people with health issues can come too, and enjoy without getting sick.

After all, the smokers can pop out for a quick smoke outside to feed the habit, and it's not as inconveniant for them to do THAT

but it sure would be inconveniant and expensive for the asthmatic to have to leave and drop in on the emergency dept on the way home if it triggered a really bad attack.

or just sit up all night, using puffers to breathe.

I think those kind of "friends" need to go in your next "relationship decluttering" binge!

Friends like that aren't friends, because if they can't put their own selfish desires aside to accomodate other peoples health, then what else would they do when the chips are down? Run over you if you got in their way?

I'd be rethinking their place in my life. If I couldn't "get rid" of them (LOL sounds like I'm a Mafia princess doesn't it???)

then by all means, sideline them and only have them around when it suits you, and when they have minimal impact on your life.

Some people like bosses at work are like that. You can't ditch them completely but you CAN CONTAINERIZE THEM somewhat.