How do you tell....

[northernmom2boys]

Hi
How do you tell your children that somebody they knew well passed away?We just found out our neighbour dies today due to a mining accident.I am having a hard time getting my head around it and I have to go pick up my boys at school and am not sure how to tell them.They saw him frequently and loved to talk to him.They are 8 qnd 5.Any advice would be appreciated.We have had people die in our family but they were usually there in the hospital and we could prepeare them.
Michelle

[missymomof3]

I am sorry for your loss. Do they believe in God? Perhaps you could tell them he is in heaven watching over them. I wish I could be more help but have never had this situation. I will be praying for you and your family.

[Michele Annette]

I don't have any advice Michelle, but wanted to say that I am sorry for your loss and for your neighbor's family.

[Jerseygirl]

We always talk about leaving the old body on earth to go live in heaven where they are healthy and happy again.

[northernmom2boys]

Thank you all for you advice.I told my oldest yesterday and he was sad but he said well hes up in heaven now doing everything hes always wanted to do.I guess kids at this age handle death in their own way.

[hollyhill]

It is so hard. There isn't an easy way. Also expect your boys to bring it up on their own at some point....

I went through that two years ago when my best friend died of breast cancer and she was a Mom to three little girls the same ages as my children and they were great friends. It was so hard on my (at the time) 6 year old. She felt awful for her little friend whose mommy died. There were so many questions about who was going to take care of their friends (their dad), who was going tp cook for them(their dad), who was going to clean (their dad). It was hard for them to accept because they hadn't seen their friends dad too much.....
She and my other children (In addition to their grief ) needed to know that if I died there would be people here to care for them.....I think that is very important to any child under 10. So expect those kind of questions if your friend was a dad and your children knew his children.

Also, it has been two years and I still hear my 8 yr old talking about the death of a mother in her doll playing.....she is still working through it....it is awful.

We have a strong faith and that has helped my older children alot....expect more questions about heaven in the next little while too.

There is alovely children's story (I can't remember the title but I first heard it at a memorial for a child) about dragonfly nymphs who are terrified because they see other nymphs crawling up THE STALK and dissapearing. They are sure something awful is happening to them......so 3 nymphs make a pact that the first one of them to go up THE STALK would return to tell them what is UP THERE! Well of course one of them goes up because it is their turn but can not return to his friends to tell them how wonderful it was out of the water in the sunshine and how beautiful it all was. So he decided to wait around for their turn to emerge so that they could rejoice together....

I think it is alovely analogy of death and heaven and one children can understand.

My thoughts are with you during this difficult time.

[madhen]

I think children are sometimes a heck of a lot more resilient than adults when it comes to hardship. Good for you for being honest and direct with them.

When I was very little, my grandfather went to the hospital for an aneurysm. My parents told me he had a cold and would be fine. He died on the operating table, and then they wouldn't let me go to his funeral, because they thought I was too young to deal with it emotionally! (I was in grade school at the time.) I have always had a feeling of unfinished business with my grandfather because of the way it was handled. I had no time to prepare, and was not given the opportunity to say goodbye.

Kids are smarter and more emotionally stable than we sometimes give them credit for. It sounds like your son has found his own way to handle it, although I am sure he is saddened by the loss of his friend.

[pkellyc]

There is a wonderful book called The Rise and Fall of Freddy the Leaf. It's geared towards children and I highly recommend it. A good book for all ages.

[momof42003]

When my kids grandpa dies suddenly last year it was hard... My oldest was saddened, but was ok... My oldest son was extremely sad, and my youngest son had a lot of anger and was very mad... (He and grandpa were two peas in a pod).... And the baby, well we explained it to her, and she understood that grandpa was no longer going to be here, and that he died..... Over all they took it ok... I get to my MIL place and my neice who has her own baby was a wreck trying to figure out how to tell Katie... I told her not to say anything unless Katie had brought up the subject.. Mind you that Katie and my youngest Valory are only two and a half at the time... I told her we had told Valory, but Valory's words were so much more there, and she understood a lot more than Katie... Katie was just beginning her speech and such... She felt a little more relieved when I said she shouldn't tell Katie unless Katie was able to express that she was missing grandpa.... I really think that it depends so much on the age and mental age of each kid.

I am sorry for your loss... I hope that you have been able to tell your kids about the death.

[northernmom2boys]

Thank you all for the advice.I have realized if I give them the info then let them come to me with questions then they only get as much info as they need.
It has been a rough week on everyone.This man had manyfriends and will be missed.
Michelle