The Awakening - grab a cup of tea first, this is a long one

[starsapphire]

THE AWAKENING


A time comes in your life when you finally get it . . . When in the midst
of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH!

Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child
quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder
once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes
you begin to look at the world through new eyes. This is your awakening.

You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to
change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next
horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming or
she is not Cinderella and that in the real world there aren't always fairy
tale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of
"happily ever after" must begin with you and in the process a sense of
serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone
will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are . . . and
that's OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn
the importance of loving and championing yourself and in the process a sense
of new found confidence is born of self-approval.

You stop criticizing and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it's not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the process a sense of safety & security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as
they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties and in the
process a sense of peace & contentment is born of forgiveness.

You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around
you, is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained
into your psyche. And you begin to sift through all the crap you've been fed
about how you should behave, how you should look and how much you should weigh, what you should wear and where you should shop and what you should drive, how and where you should live and what you should do for a living, who you should marry and what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children or what you owe your parents.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you
begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.
You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with and in the process you learn to go with your instincts. You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.

Your learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the
outdated ideals of a bygone era but the mortar that holds together the
foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you don't know everything; it's not your job to save the
world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish
between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and
learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you
choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familial love. How to love,
how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away.

You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship.
You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable
or important because of who is on your arm or the child that bears your name.

You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you
would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and
outcomes. You learn that just as people grow and change so it is with love. .
. and you learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms
just to make you happy.

And, you learn that alone does not mean lonely . . . And you look in the
mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a
perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you "stack up." You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs.

You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK . . . . and that
it is your right to want things and to ask for the things that you want and
that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.

You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love,
kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won't settle for less. And, you
allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you to glorify you with their
touch . . . and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect.

And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to care
of it and treat it with respect. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit
and can create doubt and fear. So you take more time to rest.

And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take
more time to laugh and to play.

You learn, that for the most part, in life you get what you believe you
deserve . . . and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that
wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it
happen.

More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need
direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it
all alone and that it's OK to risk asking for help. You learn that the only
thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time, FEAR itself.
You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that
whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms.

And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under
a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't
always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that your deity isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening. And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state - the ego. You learn that negative feelings such as
anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will
suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you. You
learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls. You
learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take
for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream
about; a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot
shower.

Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself, and
you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart's desire. And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep
smiling, to keep trusting and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in your heart and a renewed spirit you take a
stand, you take a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want and
begin to live as best as you can.

[miss_thrifty]

Holy samoley, wow I hope u can do 76 wpm lol
That was great, at differn't parts in this story, i can recall differn't times in my life that i realized each thing. It really makes u think!! It will make me rethink alot too.

Thank u so much for sharing!!! Gotta save and friend to see this, she needs this at this time.
Thanks again.
Charlene

[joyb]

Thanks, starsapphire.

[suzysaver]

Beautifully said, thanks for sharing.

[Lorri]

Thank You!

[SewCrafty]

[Pepper]

Did you write this?

WOW! So much truth and it speaks straight to the heart!!!

[Nada.Leona]

That was very nice. There is a lot I have to learn. Since being seperated from my husband and now with my I have found a lot of differences. When I was with my husband, I was the giver, all the time every day, no breaks. And he was the taker, all the time every day, no breaks. Meaning he never gave back, at least not in my eyes.

But the thing is, I know what that even if he had've tried to give back to me, it wouldn't have been enough because he is a very self-absorbed man and even if he did give back something, it wouldn't be what I wanted.

With he is happy to give me what I need, but at the same time, he likes lots of space. He isn't going to devote his whole existance to me all the time every day, no breaks. And why should he? That's not his job. He's there to be my friend and to support me and to love me. He's not there to serve me.

Wow, that was a great line -- "he's not there to serve me".

I try very hard not to be too needy, but I have worked for so long serving someone else, I really feel this desire to be served, because I "deserve it". But that's the thing -- it's not the right attitude. If I "deserved" it, then it would come to me, and chances are, I wouldn't enjoy it.

Chances are, if I ask for something, he'll do it (with the exception of going to see "Brokeback Mountain" with me -- why are men so insecure about that?). Even if he doesn't really want to, if he knew that it meant a lot to me, he'd do it (example: he is TOTALLY not into opera, but he thought that they were showing "The Phantom of the Opera" -- one of my obsessions -- at the theatre and he was all excited, because he wanted to take me). And that makes me feel good. Most times I wouldn't ask him to do something for me that I wouldn't want him to, anyway.

My thing is, I am the type who loves to do things for other people. But when other people don't show enough appreciation or they start expecting me to do stuff for them, I get rebellious. I know, complete contradiction of itself, isn't it? But I'm so used to doing stuff for someone, I have a hard time doing things for me anymore. I'm trying very hard to work on that.

My big thing is my frugality -- I love the frugal lifestyle! It's so much fun, one is never ever bored and I am a very creative person, so I love thinking up things to do with random pieces of "garbage" (though I still don't know what to do with week-old flyers ). I'm also one of those weird people who enjoys cleaning and organizing stuff, so I find that fun too. So doing things like making applesauce in the crockpot, creating a pricebook, organizing my closet and balancing my checkbook are things that I enjoy doing.

That's something else -- people keep saying, "You have to take time off to do something for you." But I enjoy what I do every day -- and that is the kind of thing I do for me. I bake bread or I scrub the tub or I curl up with my copy of CTWG or some other household care book. I'm not into manicures or pedicures, I like the way my hair is, I don't wear a lot of makeup and what little I do -- basically eyeliner and mascara -- is only to emphasise my eyes (my best facial feature). I don't like tea or coffee, I don't really watch television or movies if I'm not with someone else. I love to cook, I love to clean, I love to read (mainly household books, or classic gothic literature). I like to listen to heavy rock and gothic metal music (ha! Betcha haven't heard that on the Village before, huh?! ). I love posting on the Village, checking my emails, talking to and my friends online, and I love cuddling with my . Those are the things I enjoy doing.

[starsapphire]

Did you write this?

WOW! So much truth and it speaks straight to the heart!!!

No, I didn't write it. Wish I did! The author is unknown, and I forgot to put that in my OP but by the time I realized it I ran out of edit time. I received it in an email around 5 years ago and I really love it because its the story of my life for the past 10 years. It is so true for me, it speaks to my heart because it is who I am today.

I didn't type it all out, I (re)found it on the web and used good ol' copy and paste