What's your take on kids' activities?

**Early Bird** · 07-19-2006, 10:57 PM

I was talking to a stay-at-home-Dad today. He has 1 daughter, age 11.

He basically said, "I've got to keep her engaged."

She's in an afternoon program this week; it's 10 miles away from home, so the dad hangs out at the library for the 2 hours of her program.

Next week, the daughter is in art camp. (another drive, about 10-12 miles one way)

Then, there's a week of 'children's university.' [I forget the tuition, but it's too spendy for me!] Again, Dad will drive her 10 miles in the morning, then wait around for a couple of hours while she's in her program.

After that, they're flying on an out-of-town trip.

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When I was a kid, any ONE of those activities would have been the highlight of the summer.

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What are your thoughts on this?

Obviously, there's a financial cost.

But what do you think about parents driving and waiting while a child does her puppet workshop ... or whatever ? Not once or twice, but MANY days during the summer. Do you think it gives kids a vision that "My time is more valuable than my parent's time"? And the "I am the center of the universe."

And what do you think about a kid have so much structure for her summer? When I was a kid, there were long days playing with neighborhood kids ... and reading on the porch. As a teen, I took a morning typing class (took the school bus) and spent my afternoons at home.

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My dh doesn't see anything wrong with this kid's setup. But, I'll have you know, HE'S not the one driving and waiting around while the kids do crafts. So, when I urge the family to limit activities, I become the bad guy.

And I don't mind it so much when I can drop off the kids and go home during activites. But when the activities are 10 miles away, I find it frustrating.

Give me all your thoughts .. the good, the bad, and the ugly.

**kettel6** · 07-19-2006, 11:19 PM

I see what your saying but my kids, and myself for that matter, have been pretty busy this summer. I had two that went to a "college camp" and one that's in a play. They have had practice for the play just about every evening. We have one week of that left, plus VBS is next week. Our church is a 45 minute drive too. Then football will start.....

**Michelle68** · 07-19-2006, 11:21 PM

Well, I guess we're bad parents because, besides our vacation this summer, we haven't really gone to any great lengths to keep our 10 year old occupied. DH stays at home during the day, also, so he's pretty much in the same boat as that stay-at-home dad. Basically, our son has kept himself occupied for the most part playing outside with his friends or playing on the computer when it's too hot outside. Although, he has gone ice skating and bowling with big sis and her friend, but other than that he's just basically been hanging out. He doesn't seem to be suffering too much from it either.

During the school year we generally limit activities outside of school to one thing at a time. Last year he was in Cub Scouts but this year he wants to try karate so we'll sign him up with the continuing education youth karate program through the school district. Thank goodness it's offered at a school that's only a mile away so our drive time for that won't be bad. We limit the activities not only for financial reasons but also because I believe it's possible to overschedule kids and I think kids really need down time and unstructured play time to help their imaginations grow. Of course, just my very humble opinion.

--Michelle

**danni** · 07-19-2006, 11:31 PM

Originally Posted by Michelle68

Well, I guess we're bad parents because, besides our vacation this summer, we haven't really gone to any great lengths to keep our 10 year old occupied. DH stays at home during the day, also, so he's pretty much in the same boat as that stay-at-home dad. Basically, our son has kept himself occupied for the most part playing outside with his friends or playing on the computer when it's too hot outside. Although, he has gone ice skating and bowling with big sis and her friend, but other than that he's just basically been hanging out. He doesn't seem to be suffering too much from it either.

During the school year we generally limit activities outside of school to one thing at a time. Last year he was in Cub Scouts but this year he wants to try karate so we'll sign him up with the continuing education youth karate program through the school district. Thank goodness it's offered at a school that's only a mile away so our drive time for that won't be bad. We limit the activities not only for financial reasons but also because I believe it's possible to overschedule kids and I think kids really need down time and unstructured play time to help their imaginations grow. Of course, just my very humble opinion.

--Michelle

I totally agree with you my 10 yr olds play soccer during the school(on the same team) and during the summer the go to church camp for one week. This summer grandpa is taking them camping for a week each(separately).

**MOMMYDEAREST** · 07-20-2006, 08:02 AM

well i have 4 kids. too keep busy doesn't actually mean you have to spend alot of money. we went on vacation a few weeks ago & thats all the "big" money we will spend all summer. i take them to the library (free), local pool ($1.75 each for the whole day), local sprinkler park (free), park (free), and a few other things. my kids do complain "we are bored", but what kid don't do that????? i think its all about how you raise the child from the beginning. if they are used to keeping busy 24/7, then thats soemthing the parents will have to deal with later on down the line!!!

**Tori2** · 07-20-2006, 08:24 AM

My husband and I allow one activity, my daughter takes Karate year round, 2 nights a week. Her instructor says that she is suppose to be there 3 nights a week but I told him "no". I live 20 miles from town so when Dd2 has practice I go to the grocery store and run my errands. She is also a big reader, so when I have to go into Montgomery (Woo Hoo "The Big City") we plan out or errands and then we treat ourselves to about 2 hours at the book store.

I do not plan or stucture her day. I do not allow t.v. during the day. When her friends come over they play outside, they put on roller blades, carry trays, and cups and they pretend they are waitresses. Also, they play school when the weather is bad. I do not have to entertain my child and I think it is because I have encouraged her to be creative. (You just would not believe what that child can create with paper and tape). I just let her have fun and try to spend time with her without constantly stimulating her.

Tori

**Tori2** · 07-20-2006, 08:37 AM

Originally Posted by Michelle68

Well, I guess we're bad parents because, besides our vacation this summer, we haven't really gone to any great lengths to keep our 10 year old occupied. DH stays at home during the day, also, so he's pretty much in the same boat as that stay-at-home dad. Basically, our son has kept himself occupied for the most part playing outside with his friends or playing on the computer when it's too hot outside. Although, he has gone ice skating and bowling with big sis and her friend, but other than that he's just basically been hanging out. He doesn't seem to be suffering too much from it either.

During the school year we generally limit activities outside of school to one thing at a time. Last year he was in Cub Scouts but this year he wants to try karate so we'll sign him up with the continuing education youth karate program through the school district. Thank goodness it's offered at a school that's only a mile away so our drive time for that won't be bad. We limit the activities not only for financial reasons but also because I believe it's possible to overschedule kids and I think kids really need down time and unstructured play time to help their imaginations grow. Of course, just my very humble opinion.

--Michelle

I do not think you are bad parents. When I was growing up (1970's) we did not watch t.v. during the day because nothing was on, we did not have video games because they were not on the market, and I did not turn out to be some depressed adult because my childhood was not filled with constant stimulating activities. As a matter of fact, when I think back I wish my children could live in a world like that. Also, my Dd2 is in karate and she loves it. We love it because they work at their own pace and their competition is to push themselves. The parents get along because the children are not competing againest each other and karate teaches decipline and self-respect.

Tori

**banana** · 07-20-2006, 08:38 AM

My son attends a daycamp that is about 3 miles away. He truly loves it, all his friends go and it is from 10-3 Mon-Fri for 6 weeks.

**kabin63** · 07-20-2006, 08:56 AM

My DD only does 4-H in the summer. The rest of the time she is busy drawing or reading or TV or computor, but mostly listening to music on the radio. We usually try to take the train into Chicago once during the summer to visit a museum. That's pretty much it. With the remodel going on we don't have money for a vacation right now, but hopefully next year.

**Darlene** · 07-20-2006, 09:43 AM

We entertained ourselves as did my kids. As a kid, we never took vacations or went on "trips".The only real structure I had for my kids in the summer was swimming lessons, a skill they need. We'd walk to the park for that & after swimming we'd often stay and make a day of it with a picnic lunch and stuff. We had fun outings here & there but most days it was have a friend over or get some game going on in the neighborhood. Bubbles, chalk, arts & crats at the picnic table, running thru the sprinkler, all kinds of fun stuff. 4 square, tag, bike riding.
You have to do what's best for your family and pocketbook, the kids will just have to deal.

Not the way I would do things but it sounds like the Dad is enjoying himself as much as the daughter. 2 hours in the library sounds like heaven.

**frugalfarmwife** · 07-20-2006, 10:08 AM

You know I have to say I really admire all of you raising kids today, the world is SO different than it was when I was a kid! We used to disappear all day in our neighborhood playing tag, kick the can, smear the queer,war, fort, hogans heros, you name it. As long as we appeared for lunch and dinner moms were fine with us being out like that. I did get to take tennis lessons a few years and did play on soft ball teams but other than that we amused ourselves and were good at it! We had a neighborhood probably the size of an 8-10 city block area that included ravines, creeks, woods and LOTS of kids and felt safe as kids.

I watch some families now running themselves ragged with activities and wonder when the kids get time to play, explore, read a book under a tree, chase bugs, catch lightening bugs etc.

Now our neighbor over the hill is good with her kids (15, 13 and 10) they live on a tight budget and do LOTS together at home, gardening, yard work, etc, but the kids ENJOY it! Dad's gone and the younger two do spend time with him weekly but the oldest doesn't (long story and I don't blame him!) This kid spends a lot of time with my hubby and just ADORES him, they talk everything from music to being the oldest kid while they get all nasty dirty tearing tractors apart, rebuilding things, working in the fields.

kj

**baxjul** · 07-20-2006, 01:02 PM

My dd had cheerleading camp for two weeks, and she starts dance class in two weeks.

**kabin63** · 07-20-2006, 01:15 PM

Frugalfarmwife...Kudos to your husband for mentoring the young man. Things just aren't the same today as they were when I was a kid either.
We ran around the neighborhood all day long and amused ourselves with games, fishing, swimming, etc... not safe to do that kind of thing anymore.

**AmyBoz** · 07-20-2006, 01:23 PM

Well, this is a conversation we've been having in our home as Julia is getting older. We decided to sign her up for recreation soccer this fall. She indicated an interest, and it was only $30 for the fall. It's an introductory program at her age level, and if she likes it and decides to continue, we can revisit it then. If she doesn't like it, then we won't sign her up next year. We are also discussing signing her up for swimming lessons in the winter/spring. We didn't join the pool this summer because of the cost and because I am working and we wouldn't really have a chance to go, but Julia loves the water, and loves swimming, so we are thinking of capitalizing on that interest and getting her lessons at the YMCA...maybe for a birthday present. We think it's important that she be involved in at least one athletic activity since where we live isn't really conducive to climbing trees, etc. (Although we're out there riding bikes every night, an organized sport has a lot to teach a child.) However, again, if she decides she isn't interested, then we won't pursue it. And, we don't want to do more than one activity at a time. She's 5...we want her to have time to just be 5, because before you know it, she'll be 15!

**kettel6** · 07-20-2006, 05:02 PM

AmyBoz..."our neighborhood" is the same way. Our kids do not have anywhere to just run and play (we are in town), even if they could we have to be aware of the weirdos, plus there aren't any kids their age here. The only time they are around other kids are when we do something for school or at church. Our church is very small and there are only probably 20 kids. So it's worth is to me if my kids want to be involved to let them as long as I am able. Granted financially it's hard sometimes with registration fees, gas to practices/games and admissions to games but so far we have managed.