DH asked to transfer to Birmingham, Alabama

**Mom23boys** · 07-21-2006, 02:29 PM

I am excited for him, but that would be a big change for our family. I have tried to weigh the pros and cons. I would honestly have to say that the cons outweigh the pros. I don't want him to say no because this is a big opportunity for him, but I don't want to uproot our family either.

I do not know anything about Birmingham or Alabama for that fact. I just feel like I would be lost. I would hate to uproot the boys from the only school they have only known. DS#2 has a chance at an athletic scholarship, but if we move him I wouldn't know what his chances would be. DS#2 is also learning delayed, and I am worried of how the schools will handle the situation. I know when he enters college, we can request certain accomodations due to his IEP's in high school. Not all of them will transfer, but some will. I just don't know the laws from state to state. I am worried DS#1 will not be able to make it on his own. He works part-time and will attend college full-time. He currently lives at home because we allow him to as long as he continues his education. He would have to transfer to another college or try to make other living arrangements. If he transferred to another school, he might lose one of his scholarships because it was strictly for that school. I would discontinue my education as it would no longer be funded since I will no longer work at the school. I don't think I want to take out student loans to finish it. I would probably focus most of my time on my family and home. I am not even sure I would return to work. My fear is that anxiety would take over and rule my life. I have learned to deal with it in my current environment, but I don't adjust well to change. My DS#1 doesn't either as most of you know. I think DS#3 would adjust well.

I don't even know how we would afford the move. They said there is no relocation funds, but they expect us to come up with them. DH's employer is working on this as we speak. They really want him to transfer and help get the plant turned back around.

I think it is wonderful they thought of him, but I wish they would have waited to ask in seven year after the boys had graduated.

What would you do if asked one day to relocate and given a very short time to give them your answer? Am I being selfish?

Yes, there will be around $10,000 more a year in his income, but if I don't return to work it wouldn't make a difference in our income at all.

**celina** · 07-21-2006, 03:20 PM

if they want him that bad...they should pay to relocate him....dh had both our moves paid...wonder if that a canada thing...

i say have a family meeting...and have everyone put their pros and cons on the table.....look up the state and town and print off a bunch of stuff so you can get to know the city.....also , they paid for us all to come down here....so we could evaluate the town and the housing before we accepted

**Mom23boys** · 07-21-2006, 03:49 PM

Celina, thanks for your input. I thank that is a great idea about having them pay for us to visit the city and state before we make a life changing decision like this. I am going to toss that out to DH and see what he says about it.

I have never lived outside of Texas, just visited other states. DH has family in Georgia, Louisiana, Mississippi, his step-mom in Alabama, and of course Texas (mom, step-dad, sister, and brother). All of my family lives in Texas so it would be harder on me then him where family is involved.

**Edelweiss** · 07-21-2006, 03:56 PM

They should definitely be paying relocation costs. Non-negotiable. If they won't do that, I'd say it's not worth it. Bottom line.

**celina** · 07-21-2006, 04:07 PM

it always makes me and my girlfriend laughs..our men worry about getting the job and once they get it the worries end for them...but OURS JUST START..we have to pack up, deal with the kids emotions..and oh yeah!!OURS....find stuff to do in the new place, unpack make it feel like home...our first night here took me 2 hrs to console my 3 yr old son that this WAS home and we we'rent going back to sleep at the other place...grrr only to do it again the next night, he's fine now...but ICK..im lonely here, my mom is ill back home....luckily my sis has replaced me helping her out...but its hard....

but its good too...like mom said her baby (me) finally cut the apron strings.......only took me 30 yrs.....

you'll be fine as long as your family is together if your oldest son stays there it'll be so tough on you.....but he has to be happy and you'll find a way to make it work

**Michelle68** · 07-21-2006, 04:10 PM

Michelle, like you I'm a native Texan and my families been here since before the beginning of time. (Well, okay--not quite that long, but at least since the early 1800's

)I love traveling, but I've never really wanted to live anywhere but here, so I see where you're coming from. Your fears about the impact a move like this would have on your sons' education are very valid. As Celina suggested, I would say that a family meeting was definitely in order. Perhaps your husband is thinking the same things, too. If y'all do decide to take the transfer, like the others said I'd ask the company about helping to pay for the transfer. Good luck!

--Michelle

**Telephus44** · 07-21-2006, 05:17 PM

We had to make this decision right before we got married and it sucked. DH really wanted it, I really didn't. We ended up moving back after a year because we were both miserable.

Of course, we didn't have any kids to worry about. I think I would have totally put my foot down if we had been in the situation you were in.

**leezza** · 07-21-2006, 09:10 PM

Michelle,

I don't have children, so I don't know if my opinion will mean much but here goes:

Hubby and I got transfered from Southern California, to Northern California....it was a big move for us, the company paid for everything.....we had to find a new place to live and all the stores, places to shop, places to eat ect..... But when they wanted us to move back down we liked it so well here that we stayed......put up with 5 months of umemployeement before we found new jobs. But for us it was worth it to stay in our new area.....

The meeting sounds like a good idea: make everyone write down all their thoughts and be fare about it and do a lot of online research and look into the area where you would be living......

MEN: I think their jobs seem to matter to them a lot more, a women seems to be able to stay with something because she knows she has to.......The job your husband has and his happiness at work could affect your entire family for a lifetime, (keep this in mind).

I wish you and your family the best!
Warm Regards,
leezza

PS. and since this is a frugal group here maybe check out the cost of living you may be able to live cheaper there, just a thought.

**Mumzy** · 07-21-2006, 11:10 PM

Originally Posted by Edelweiss

They should definitely be paying relocation costs. Non-negotiable. If they won't do that, I'd say it's not worth it. Bottom line.

I second this

**Mom23boys** · 07-21-2006, 11:21 PM

Thanks for all the great advice. DH is currently at the "I don't know if this is a good idea" stage. I think he is beginning to have second thoughts too. He worries about his family (us) and doesn't know if it would really be a good idea. He should be letting them know something soon.