Handups, not handouts...

[peanut]

I tend to believe it's better to give a hand up rather than a handout. Though there are times when handouts are needed, a hand up teaches a person how to help themselves. It's like teaching a man to fish instead of giving him a fish.

Do you know of any good programs, missions, ideas for giving a hand up?

I'm looking for programs to support or run through our church that would do this.

Thanks.

[Cele]

I guess it depends on where your focus is. Teaching life skills to those without...helping a particular segment of people i.e., pregnant teens, recovering addicts, senior citizens on a fixed income, etc...helping people with disabilities reach their potential...the list goes on and on.

If I were planning to run something through my church, I'd look at my community and ascertain where needs are currently unmet, and then determine if other church members were willing to support such a program over the long haul.

In my experience, good works often fizzle when those involved have plenty of passion, but haven't done the planning such an effort requires.

[peanut]

Thanks Cele. I was thinking this too. I wanted to get a clear idea of a vision/mission before approaching other people...to be sure I was being clear in explaining what I wanted.

I'd rather help young women out on their own for the first time, or newly married, but our church kind of frowns on women's ministry. They don't think it should be separated from men. That both sexes should be able to come to whatever program they want. That can cause problems sometimes. Women and men are two very different animals, and they behave differently when they're together...not as forthcoming. At least the women aren't.

Still, I'm kind of thinking something on the lines of what this board encourages (frugal living) - from a Christian perspective - tied in with stewardship and simple living. But I'm concerned that might be a bit broad in scope. Then again, getting approval from the church to do it is something else!

Still contemplating this. I might just leave the church to find a church where I can enter into a proper women's ministry to learn the ropes. I find this view of women's ministry to be very weird and counter-productive.

[Cele]

Hmm, that is a puzzling attitude.

To help you along with your clarifying process:

What would your "format" be--meetings, retreats, a phone or Net ministry, etc.
In what way would your program help these women? Is there another place where they could already get such help? (Avoiding duplication of services is a big deal in most churches.)
How did you determine this need--i.e., are young women coming to you or others in the congregation asking for this type of support? Are you seeing the negative impact of such support *not* being currently available?
Will you need scriptural support just for the overall ministry, or will you need it for every meeting or event?

If I were you, I think I'd plan my scope in two versions: one targeted at your church; the other targeted for a church that already supports women's ministries. This might help you determine which way to go...and you'll also be ready with Plan B if you pitch it to your church and they say "no".

[peanut]

I would think meetings would be best, to give people time to assimilate and apply information inbetween sessions.

Hmm...I think the goal is to teach them financial responsibility via teaching life skills associated with homemaking. I'm thinking skills like grocery shopping, OAMC/mega-cooking, cooking from scratch, sewing, etc.

I don't know the local scene at all, or if such a program already exists. Where would one find that out?

I determined need by how responsive my girls were to "The Homemaker's Journal" I made for them, and the fact that my neices are asking for copies. They, however, are not local. In talking to my 21 yo dd (who is local) she has indicated a lot of kids her age don't know this stuff and are in debt big time. So, yeah, I am seeing a negative impact of not having this kind of program around me.

Oooh about the scriptural support. Knowing this church...both...and then some. I have done some indepth bible studies on stewardship, tithing and giving. Also on simple living. Need to pull some verses in support of frugality.

I like the idea of targeting it for two separate churches to see how it flies. I wish dh would go to church and take a leadership role too. Then we'd be able to take a co-ed approach.

There is one issue that really bugs me...integrity. We do not tithe what we should because dh doesn't believe in giving to organized religion (or any other charity for that matter!). He doesn't believe in organized religion at all (though he claims to have a faith) and won't go to church. I give some on a regular basis, but nowhere's near the amount we should be giving. It concerns me this will be seen as a lack of integrity, when really I'm walking a fine line between having dh let me give something and refusing to let me give anything! Would that disqualify me for this type of ministry do you think? Appearances can be everything!

[Cele]

Tithing is a touchy issue. I live in the deep South and there are churches (usually those mega-churches) where people bring in the 1099 tax form and wave in around during the church service to "prove" to their minister that they have done their tithing. I find that vulgar.

I belong to a mainstream Protestant sect. Members are asked to tithe 10%, but that is all of their giving within and without the church. No one is keeping track or checking tax documents. If you wish to receive a letter at the end of the year stating how much you tithed, you pay by check monthly and they send the statement.

I'm sorry to hear you and DH are on different pages when it comes to religion. Hopefully he understands its importance to you, and the amount of strain and shame you would feel if he refused you your tithing. He shouldn't try to punish you for his own lack of belief. I don't mean that to sound harsh, but there are some things in a marriage where you really need to support your spouse, and I believe Faith is one of them.

Whether it would disqualify you depends entirely on your church's doctrine and the interpretation of that doctrine by your minister.

As for what's available locally, our city government has a number you can call where they can find any non-profit entity you're looking for in the whole *county*. It's awesome, and I believe United Way supports it. If you're willing to drop the religious references, it's possible you could pitch it many different places in your community.

[peanut]

Thanks Cele. Will consider what you said. I'll check with the city and see what's available to people. I don't really want to duplicate effort myself. Guess I might need to talk to our minister. She's new and young. I'm not sure she'd know anything about local programs. Will ask around. Some of the session and board of manager members might know.

[kabin63]

Hi Peanut,
I have a friend with much the same situation as you concerning the tithe, so this is what she does. She tithes off of what she gets for groceries, or in her case, an allowance her husband gives her. She said that if her husband wasn't going to be obedient, then she will. So, if you did something like that I don't think you could be labled disobedient, because you, yourself are being obedient. Does that make sense?

[peanut]

Yes kabin 63, it does make sense! Excellent point. Though I'd have to report that expense to dh eventually (he keeps the books), and then fur would fly...oh dear... He's a bean counter...wants to know where every penny was spent.

I'm thinking of waiting till after Christmas and then approaching him about doubling our tithe...which still won't bring it near where we should be, but after Christmas he really has no excuse not to do it.

[Gotonenerveleft]

Peanut..

I have thought about this very kind of outreach myself. How cool is that? It is sooo needed.

What about checking into your local Family Services? They might jump on board with something like this. We have a service called Family Outreach that I used to work with years ago. Their focus was to mentor young mothers to teach them how to parent to prevent child abuse. I found that these mothers had no coping skills and could not move forward in life emotionally or financially because they had no clue how to do it. They didn't know how clean house, cook meals or anything else. Check out these service organizations and see what you can do.

[peanut]

thanks Tami. I'll check them out. While the program is currently aimed at Christian young women, it certainly could be rewritten without that framework.

[Sari]

www.heifer.org

International program that provides farm animals to poor families around the world. Animals instead of cash means that families have a source of food (eggs, milk) and the ability to sell some to others in their community, as well as develop their own little flock of whatever. I love this organization.