Vent

**Tracy** · 10-25-2006, 09:38 PM

Okay here is my vent. We are trying to save money and pay bills and have extra money, we are struggling with this but we don't have much debt. I have almost 300 on a zellers card, and we have a mortgage we got in May. 131,500. We should have money left over after all bills are paid but never seem to. So we went to sit down and figure out where all the money was going. After much fighting with my DH to sit down ( we still haven't figured out a budget because he says all we have to do is stop spending money) I started noticing all this 10 dollar charges. So I asked him about it and it took 20 min's of probing before he goes. Oh those are smokes! AHHHHHH I knew he smoked but he always swore up and down it was less then a pack a week. Well guess what it is more like 40 dollars a week so 4 packs or so. So he never really said anything except I will try to cut down. I know that I spend and this goes both ways but this is what makes me real mad. When it is my time of the month I crave chips real bad. (sorry if this is to much info) So tonight I asked him if he would mind grabbing me a bag of chips after I realized I was out of popcorn. So you know what he told me!!! No we are trying to save money!!!!! Well I just lost it( I also get really really on edge and moody when it is my time of the month) I know we are trying to save money but really. He can spend 40 bucks a week on smokes and I can't have 1.50 bag of chips twice a month!!!!!

Anyway's after me getting mad raising my voice and bringing up the 40 dollars for smokes I got my bag of chips. GRRRRRR I am still annoyed though.

Okay sorry for the vent.

**emily_hope** · 10-25-2006, 10:45 PM

I have cravings and get moody too during my time of the month. It took me awhile to get my DH to sit down with me and us go over all the bills. He still is not completely on board, but it is getting better. Be patient.

**mnmarty03** · 10-25-2006, 10:51 PM

I can definitely see where that would bug you. 3.00 for chips in a month is a lot less than 40 for smokes each week.. but at the same time only he will be able to make himself cut back or quit. I'm not married (engaged though), but if he doesn't really want to sit down and make a budget, maybe you could suggest that you'll sit down and make the budget and then he can look it over. Maybe you could point out how much money he's spending each month or each year on cigarettes ($40.00/week equals $2080/year). I don't know what your goals are with the extra money you should have each month, but maybe you could figure out how much less interest you would have to pay on your mortgage, if you put that money (and all your other extra money each month) towards it. Maybe that would help him to cut down at least. And then again, maybe not...

Those are just my thoughts, you can take them or leave them. My fiance and I haven't had to deal with finances too much yet (though we have discussed them and how we'll do them, right now our finances are still separate) so I can't speak from experience. These are just my ideas on the matter.

And a last thought - I would make it clear to him that not only do you worry about the money part, but that more importantly you worry about the health effects too. After all, you do love him and want a healthy him to be around for a long time.

**Lori Biever-Launder** · 10-26-2006, 02:29 AM

Do NOT get between a PMS woman and her snacks! Seriously, tell DH that we are talking 3.00 a MONTH here, while he is spending more than that one ONE packs of cigarettes.

You guys may need to have an "allowance" that you get each week to spend any way you want. For example, you each get 20.00 to blow any way you want. He spends his on smokes (but may not go over that 20.00!) and you (after buying your chips and any other little things) tuck the rest away. Then, at the right time, you bring out what you haven't spent and use it to pay off a bill or take DH out or whatever. You can show him you can save and still have some fun too!

**autumnlynn** · 10-26-2006, 04:29 AM

I agree with Lori. I think it would help if each of you got a certain amount of "blow" money each week, and if he wants to spend his on cigarettes, then let him. He should know that is all that is alloted to him for the week or month and he should agree to no more spending outside of his blow money.
You can save yours or do as you please with it.

**FrugalMomof3** · 10-26-2006, 12:07 PM

Why is it that men are soooo unfair? I mean my DH is in a gun shooting hobby right now and going to the gun range each time which is once a week is about $15-$25 so I will say $20, that winds up to be $80 a month! BUT he get's mad when I go buy something at the store like my Diet Pepsi when I get 6 24fl. oz. bottles for $2.50! That's only $10 or so a month! But i get from him "Why do you need soda, can't you drink water?" But if I say to him "Your hobby is expensive, can't you go once a month?" I will start a fight.

Go figure...

**Libby** · 10-26-2006, 01:46 PM

I sooo sympathize with you ladies here but dont mean this to come out as a brag but I dont have this problem anymore!!

Sorry I couldnt resist!! *snickers*

Seriously - you should each have your allowances/weekly but agree on a limit. No one has the right to have more then other wether or not you BOTH contribute to the household income. This is a great place to bounce ideas and rant if need be.

But I feel sooo much happier and healthy since I lost that 190 lb sack of complaining crap!

OH NO! Did I Just say that outloud?!

**pammy** · 10-26-2006, 02:56 PM

My dh smokes, too. It was sickening to see how much it costs. So we wouldn't argue about it we both get the same amount of blow money every payday. Now he really sees how expensive they are, has since switched to a cheaper brand and is saying it's time to quit. Yah, ya think?? hehe...

Then again, I like to have wine and can't see spending our budget on wine, so I buy that with my blow money. No one says what you can or can't do with the blow money, spend at will. We buy what we want with it without having to account for it or ask permission. It seems to be the grease that keeps the budget working and we love it!

Maybe something similar would work??

**Nada.Leona** · 10-26-2006, 09:23 PM

lol Been there, divorced that!

My ex was a gamer, and spent ginormous amounts of money on video games, online monthly games, game cards, etc. We actually had to have cable internet just so he could constantly have access to his games (curse him, now I can't live without it!

). I remember one year we had to spend a lot of money on his tutition and I badly needed winter clothes. I was walking to work every day and I was the only bread winner in the household. Anyway, I didn't even have a decent winter jacket and we discussed it and decided that, yes, I should go out and get some decent winter clothes.

We ended up going to his father's house, in another town, to visit and he said, "We'll go looking at the nice mall up there for your clothes." Well, before we did that, we made "one quick stop" at a gamer store... where my darling husband proceeded to spend $1100.00 on two tradable game cards. One was $600 and the other was $500. Just like that, I didn't need winter clothes anymore, but he had to have these two cards.

He felt really bad about it later, but I never got my good winter clothes, and in fact we hardly had enough money to pay for power that year. We'd go to bed early just so we didn't have to stay up in our sub zero apartment.

Ugh, makes me love

all the more anytime I think about it.