why is it that kids can be so mean to other kids

**oct2667us** · 11-30-2006, 08:35 AM

It was so sad to watch this morning when my DD got on the bus and sat ina seat by her self. She sits by her self because she says no one wants to sit with her

she is my child that has ADHD, BI polar and OCD. Some times she dose not act like the kids her age . Her mind is the mind of a 7 year old and she is 12. she has come home telling me no one will talk to her. We where walking yesterday and DD saw 2 girls in her class she said and they gave her a bad look. That was so sad.DD said see mom no one likes me.

**FrugalMomof3** · 11-30-2006, 08:45 AM

Your right it is a shame! My DD used to get picked on ALL the time, I told her to stand up for herself, I mean I didnt tell her to kick someone's butt, but I did tell her to not let herself get bullied around or looked at nasty.

These days kids are soooo mean and to them fighting is a way of life, it's pathetic really.

I am sorry your DD is going through this, one day she will find a really good friend that will stick to her like glue, tell her to keep her chin up, if they are the way they are to her its probably because they are jealous!

The old saying goes: If someone picks on you it's because they are jealous, they probably most often want to be your friend but others tell them not to.

**celina** · 11-30-2006, 08:45 AM

i know how heartbreaking this is..my dd is 5 and we're in the process of getting a adhd or tourettes or both diagnosis...

and yep ....they arent always popular..and i remember being left out and it brings me to tears...and makes me want to home school..but dh says that wont fix anything..so i try to see who is a good friend to her ( we just moved here) and i plan on inviting them over and nurturing a good friendship...

**MarshHen** · 11-30-2006, 09:33 AM

It's hard being the new kid. After being home schooled for two years, Mickie found it hard to fit in when she went back to school. Not that she didn't try , but the other kids considered her an outsider I guess since she lives in another county. She shrugged it off and concentrated on her studies and it wasn't long before she found her place. Mickie loves to sing and sings solo at our church quite often. When she sang "Amazing Grace" one Friday during school chapel hour, she received a standing ovation and that broke the ice. I guess the other kids just had to see what she was made of.

**Dixie** · 11-30-2006, 10:08 AM

I'm sorry she's going through this.

**fernykins** · 11-30-2006, 10:40 AM

Yes Kids are mean......... My grandson has downs and he has been called retard, stupid and a few other not so nice names..... His older brothers friends are all good to him. Even sitting with him a lunch. Sometimes I think its the parents fault with kids being mean. Here I've seen the parents turn the other way so they don't have to say something to thier kid. I am sure your daughter will find her nich, and find true friends
Fern

**MarshHen** · 11-30-2006, 11:00 AM

Fern,

I totally agree with you. I've actually seen parents who were more judgemental than their children! It's so sad. My heart just breaks for these kids who have to go through this, and I pray that God build a hedge around them and make them strong.

**Buckeye5** · 11-30-2006, 11:05 AM

My DS has been bullied for years. Last year one of the thugs in his class broke his hand by physically beating on my son. He was suspended 3 days, but my son wouldn't fight back, because he said he would be suspended and miss running on the track team. I said so what, you can't let people physically assault you. This is just one of many stories I could tell you. It is frustrating as a parent to know what to do. When you see your child in pain because of feeling isolated as a parent it can be heartbreaking. Kids are cruel and mean and so...disrespectful to each other, and it is getting worse everyday. I don't have any advice for you, because I, myself, haven't figured out what to do for my son either.

**DixieJ** · 11-30-2006, 12:08 PM

I agree that I think a lot of times it's the parents of the bullies and mean kids fault. I see that around our small town. I think some of the parents have instilled in their kids that they are "better" than other people. I can't for the life of me understand this, as I have always tried to teach mine that we are all the same in God's eyes and that it is how we treat others that make us a good or bad person.

Dixie Jean

**suzysaver** · 11-30-2006, 01:05 PM

I see this were I work all the time. The one thing that really makes me mad is went the girls act snaughty and gang up on someone else, the start whispering and giggling. The other day I had 2 friends come in and they sat there doing this to another girl at the coloring table. The other girl is very bright for 5 and told them they were being rude....I loved it and we all sat and talked about it. I also had a most shocking experience a couple years ago....This one boy wanted to play with the other and so I said just go ask him if you can play too. I was so disappointed when the other child said "no", and then I asked him why?..."Daddy says I can't play with the dirty ones".....my mouth must have hit the floor...a parent teaching a child to be a racist. The other child heard this and looked at his hands and said I'm not dirty. I think parenting has a lot to do with how they act and what there taught. I'm so sorry your daughter is going threw this and I'm sure this is heart wrenching for you.

**Cricket1** · 11-30-2006, 01:08 PM

What would happen if you called the school guidance counselor? Do you think that he or she would work with you and maybe perhaps also foster friendships between your daughters and others?

I remember when I was in Jr. High, my friends that I had been friends with all throughout school, suddenly weren't my friends anymore. I was very shy and sensitive, so my mom called the g.c. The next thing I knew, I was part of some "peer counseling" group that worked to help other students out. I made new friends and I think it helped all of us realize that everyone needs help at some time or another. Maybe there's already a similar group at your daughter's school she could get involved with.

**Valerie in WA** · 11-30-2006, 01:23 PM

My heart goes out to you. It's difficult to have a child with mental health issues. Not only do we worry about the present, but we wonder about the future. Will she be able to have meaningful relationships as an adult? Will she stay with her meds/treatments? Will she end up poor and alone as a result of her disease? My 7yo has OCD. She relates well with her peers, but I think I understand all the things that pile up in a mother's mind.

Does your daughter see someone for indivual therapy? If so, talk with the therapist about groups. Sometimes group therapy helps children to see they are not the only one. Also some therapists do individual therapy, but then get their patients together in a group to work on social skills. Again your daughter might find other children who are more her peers than the children at school.

HTH.

**MarshHen** · 11-30-2006, 01:30 PM

Buckeye5,

I totally understand where you are coming from when you told your son he should fight back, but in the end, he is the better man. I'm so sorry your son is having to go through this. How old is he? I'm asking cause I'm totally impressed by his willingness to restrain himself from fighting so he could run track. That shows me that he is a mature young man who is dedicated, loyal and he has his head on straight. How proud you must be. I know a few so called mature adults who couldn't, or wouldn't, handle a situation like this as well as your son has.

I know it's tough going right now, but you wait, your son has what it takes to make it in this world. It's called Character

**Ani** · 11-30-2006, 02:07 PM

My heart goes out to you! That is so horrible. I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers and thoughts.

I spent a lot of my childhood in the hospital due to an OCD-induced eating disorder. It was horrible when I did go to school, none of the other kids would talk to me and they all whispered about how I was "weird" and "sick". It was so traumatic. My heart goes out even more to your daughter because of my own experiences with OCD. I understand what a trying disease it is, and how much it can cause a rift between you and your classmates.

Someday she will move on from that petty environment and everyone will love her for the special person she is and the talents and skills that she has. Hang in there!