What would you do??

[dwallyfam]

Since I got wonderful responses to my freecycle question, I thought I would ask this question.

Last night DH and I held our annual holiday party. We invite our friends and the kids over for dinner, gift exchange and fun. I provide all the food, I tell everyone to bring your beverage and a gift.

No one bring any beverages for the kids. Luckily I had enought pop and koolaid for them. But the thing that peeves me, it 3 children (5, 8 and 10) decide to dismantle my tree by throwing ormanments, choking each other with my ribbon garland and throwing other things around the run hitting the other kids.

The only way I found this out was when the kids left and the other ones were relieved that they didn't have to put up with it. Should I say something parents. These are good friends of mine and I am so mad that their kids were acting this disrespectful.

[FrugalWitch]

Heck yeah I'd say something. It was very disrespectful of your friends to allow their brats to act that way at your house. Even if they allow their kids to act like non-housebroken apes at their own home, doing so when you are company is absolutely "not done" If the other parents cop an attitude don't invite them back.

[pkellyc]

I have been known to be the kid police. I can't tell you how many times I have asked kids do you do this in your house? No? Then don't do it in mine! Yes? Well let me ask your mother about that, because we don't behave that way in my house!
I would let it go this time but on their next visit I would be on alert.
More than likely unless the parents see it for themselves they are going to think that you are exaggerating or blaming their children for something yours did.
If the parents still do not respond I would definitely not have them back. All future get togethers would be without the kids or in a public place.

[Darlene]

I would let your friend know what you found. They (kids) probably won't fess up, but doing it this way you wouldn't be blaming but would make them all aware that someone did something that they shouldn't have and that you are not pleased. "The party was alot of fun but afterwords I found this this & this. I didn't see who did it but don't want it to happen again. I'm really looking forward to getting together again next year & hope all of you are too"

[McD]

You could always phrase it in the way of concern, i.e. "After you left, I realized that your children were doing some violent things. I just hope that no one gets hurt as a result or that they aren't being bullied which is causing them to act out like this."

[pecunierrant]

Unless the broken items add up to an amount you feel needs to be paid for, I might just let it go since i didnt catch them red handed. Not sure how the parent would take it and whether the friendships would be dented over it, etc.

Next time these kids are invited Id be on them like white on rice making sure they knew not to behave that way.

Sorry your celebration was tainted with this.

[FrugalMomof3]

I would most definately be saying something to the parents, even though they are friends YOU would hope if they were your kids that they would say something to you.

[Emerald_Mommy]

Unless the broken items add up to an amount you feel needs to be paid for, I might just let it go since i didnt catch them red handed. Not sure how the parent would take it and whether the friendships would be dented over it, etc.

Next time these kids are invited Id be on them like white on rice making sure they knew not to behave that way.

Sorry your celebration was tainted with this.

Unless I was ready to lose friends I'd probably let it go until next time. When people are at my house though, I do not hesitate to stop children from doing things I don't allow, even if their parents are clueless. It's terrible the way things like this can spoil what should be a fun time of the year.

[Cricket1]

I completely agree with FrugalMOm--I would definitely want to be told if MY kids did something like that. Just last week, I called one of my friends because her son told my ds (3 years old w/speech delay--so he can't stand up for himself) that he was stupid. I told her what happened and said that I was only doing so b/c I would want to know if the situation was reversed.

[TheRootedNomad]

Weather I talked to my friends over this specific incident or not would depend on which friends they were.....why say something to someone that is prone to being defensive and believes they're "angels" do no wrong. However, if these friends are not defensive people and are realistic about they're kids then I would tell them. If they're truely you're "good" friends you should have a pretty good idea of how they'll react and be able to make a call by that. Like Cricket, as a parent I would want to know....and like pkellyc I am the kid police in my house.....if the parents are "dealing" with thier kids I let them, if not, I don't think twice about the "we don't do that here..".

[oct2667us]

I guess I am not a strong person. I would not say nothing. Now if I seen it while it was happing I would have went and gave the kids some thing to do to get there engery out. Did no one see the kids while this was going on? I guess it might be the chicken way but that is the way I am .

[Buckeye5]

If these are friends that you want to have awhile, I wouldn't say anything. Are they also they same people who didn't bring drinks for their kids? If so, that tells alot. However, the next time, I would make sure that when they come with the kdis, that I tell the kids what is and isn't appropriate behavior in your house. If they continue to disrespect your home, I wouldn't invite them again with the kids or I would then definitely point out the destructive behavior. How you go about handling this, depends on how important their friendship is to you. Didn't they check on their kids during the party? I always do to make sure that my kids are behaving the right way, and I remind them. I just can't imagine kids taking the bulbs off of your tree and throwing them around, that is nuts to me. I bet these kids do these kinds of acts often without repurcussions. Good luck with it all.

[frugal.lass]

I really hope I'm not stepping on anyone's toes with my comment. I'm just trying to be honest and basing my opinion on my own experiences.

Regarding the guests not bringing drinks for their kids...in my circle and growing up, when you ask guests to bring their own beverage it is referring to alcoholic beverages only. The host always has a supply of non-alcoholic drinks on hand (which is actually kind of the expected thing in my area at least) for anyone who shows up. So, I could go and if I decided I wasn't drinking wine, I wouldn't need to bring drinks for myself as there would be something available. (My friends and I entertain constantly so we all reciprocate in the non-alc drinks department) In the same vein, if I'm hosting a meal and there will be kids, I'm expected to be providing them with drinks and stock up accordingly. I don't have to serve pop and brand-name juices but I do have to have something for them to drink. I'm not sure how things are done where you live but those guests that didn't bring drinks may be used to BYOB meaning "bring your own booze" and not "bring your own beverage". You could always just casually mention you were so grateful you had something on hand for the kids since you thought you had reminded everyone to bring their own drinks and hopefully, those guests would make a mental note for the future. Basically, they sincerely may not have realized.

As for the poorly behaved kids...if you catch them in the act or if you hear about the behaviour during the event, you're the host and have full right to tell the kids to behave or ask the parents to intervene. If you only find out afterwards...eh, it's probably easiest to let it slide and keep an eye out for bad behaviour the next time they come (if you invite them over again that is).

Anyways, sorry about the long post...It sucks that what could have been such a great event had to end up being so stressful.

Happy Holidays!!!

[nwmissourigal]

This is a sticky situation. You don't want to lose friends but you also don't want to feel uncomfortable in your own home when these kids visit. I would probably say something like....as much as I love to have you children here...after you left I found that....and fill in the blank. It is diplomatic and like some of the other posts...I would want to know if my kids behaved like that in someone elses home..Good luck..Kathy

[jinx]

I would not say anything. As you have mentioned, there were other children there, and It could turn into a he said/she said, feeling wills get hurt, and friendships lost. They only way I would say anything directly to the parents, if I had caught them myself, and then I would use the excuse that I was afraid they could be hurt if they are roughhousing and the tree falls on them, or something like that. I would let it go, and if you decide to invite them again, I would police them more, or have an older teen stay with them. My question is where were the parents of these children? Didnt they or anyone else for that matter check on them? I am also surprized that one of the other children present didnt come and get an adult when the bad behavior started.
As for the beverages, I agree with frugal lass. In my circle of friends, if we are asked to bring our own beverages, (byob) it is assumed that means alcoholic. The host always has a supply of mixers, and soft drinks for the kids. When I have a party and there will be children present, I always make several pitchers of a koolaid type drink, and have some soda. I usually dont serve cans of soda to children, because they never finish a can, but will buy a few bottles of the 99 cent cola, and rootbeer and pour small glasses.