Video Game addiction

**Tracy** · 12-10-2006, 11:32 AM

My DH is addicted to Video games No this is not a joke it is a real problem and I don't know what to do. His parents got him a PSP and it goes every where with him even to work.(but before that it was the computer and his playstation.) He spends more time on it then with us. He has started saying to me oh I thought you were going to knit, chat on the computer etc so he can play video games.(on the t.v) This has been an on going problem for awhile and it all came to a head today. We had a huge fight yesterday because he didn't want to take our daughter to her dance class. And with out getting into a lot of detail I walked 45 min's in the cold carrying our 3 year old most of the way to get her to dance. (I don't drive) He was up late the night before playing video games. So my mom picked me up from the YMCA and took us to her house for the day. I came home he said sorry nothing else I went to bed he slept on the couch. So this morning things seemed to be a bit better so I tried to talk to him about this problem and he told me it is not true that I was being unreasonable. That he was not addicted the video games. So I said prove it to me give me your psp and all game machines and games in the house for a week and let me hide them. He said no that he would just not play them at home. I told him that I am trying to prove the him that he can live with out them and does not need to take it to work. He started to get real mad at me. So I told him that he gives me the machines for a week or he has to leave the house for a week. Thinking he for sure is going to choice to give me the machines for a week. Well that didn't happen and he packed his stuff including the game machines and left this morning.
I tried to explain to him that if he were on drugs that I would be putting him in rehab. Because it is a real problem. He has forgot to do stuff been late for work as well as other stuff that has been because of his gaming. What am I supposed to do. He choice his games over us!!!!!! Over his daughter!!!!! I don't think I am being unreasonable her but maybe I am. I don't know I know we had a fight once because I was sick told him I needed to go to the hospital and he told me to wait because he was on the computer. Well when he finally got around to taking me I had pneumonia and a fever of 104 and almost passed out in the waiting room. That was in February like I said this has been an on going problem for awhile.

What should I do?

**MarshHen** · 12-10-2006, 11:57 AM

Wow Tracy, sounds like he is really addicted to gaming. My son and dil were going around and around about my son's gaming problem too. She just told him he had to back a bit and spend more time with her and the two kids or else she was gonna leave. It shook him up enough that he cut himself back to 1 hour a night every night after the kids went to bed. Now, he is down to 1 hour a night every other night. He said he really didn't realize how much time he was spending gaming.

Maybe asking dh to cut out his gaming for a whole week was a little too much for him to handle in the beginning. Not saying he is right for not at least trying to see your point, but maybe now that you have told him how you feel about it, he will go off and pout a bit and come back willing to at least cut back a bit. Hoping all works out for you guy's.

**Jill B.** · 12-10-2006, 12:05 PM

You did a lot already. My DH is a sober alcoholic. He has been sober for almost 19 years. The first few years of our marriage were terrible since he was drinking. An addiction is not something you can change. It is something the addict must change.

You gave him a choice and he made it. Now you have to ask yourself "Is my life better off with him or without him?" Picture your life walking with your daughter places since you don't drive and he won't drive. Picture him without a job because if he takes the games to work it will only be a matter of time before they decide they don't want him as an employee. Only you can decide the next step.

You might want to do some research to see if there is a therapist or a program for computer addictions in your area. This is becoming more and more of a problem. Maybe there is a "rehab" for this problem. Get yourself some help too. I went to Al-Anon for years even after DH sobered up. It gave me new life and I connected with people whose spouses drank. I received so much support to get through that time. There are probably online forums for spouses of computer addicts, etc.

**JustJoy** · 12-10-2006, 12:44 PM

I can totally empathize with you. I'm pretty much in the same boat. My DH starts playing PC games as soon as he gets home from work and plays until dinnertime. He also has "Game Night" which he and friends get together and play from 7 to 10 p.m. once a week. After dinner he will watch tv with me, but if I decide to go to bed early or just fall asleep, he's right back to playing. On the weekends he's up at 5-5:30 a.m. playing and usually only stops long enough to take a shower, eat and go to the bathroom.

We've had many arguements about this. He keeps saying, "Well isn't it better that I'm home and not out sitting at a bar or being home drinking & drugging?" Honestly.... I don't know.... he's here physically, but that's about it. Forget about trying to talk to him.....all you get is "Huh?" "What?"

**lottaLove** · 12-10-2006, 01:11 PM

My DH loves his games too. We have a rule that he cannot play his games while DS is awake. I would say that if your DH is refusing to leave the house to run errands or take your daughter to dance, this is a serious problem. Not only is it putting stress on you as a wife and mother, it's setting a terrible example for your children. Kids are smart, and they pick up on things like that really fast.
I would also be talking to his parents and letting them know about the PSP. Are they aware that he has a problem with video games? Having a quick chat with them might prevent them from buying him any more consoles as gifts.
I'm sorry I can't be more helpful. I made it very clear to my DH that the second he put his hobbies before our family, every one of those consoles was either getting tossed off the balcony, or sold on ebay. He tries very hard not to let this happen

**FrugalWitch** · 12-10-2006, 01:35 PM

Where on earth does he work that they would allow him to play games on the job? Unless you are an official game designer/tester I would think that would get you fired immediately.

He actually sat on his keister playing while you walked kids in the cold to dance class? That's insane. Maybe you need for a friend or family member to give you driving lessons so you'll not be at his or anyone else's whims in the future. (Unless of course you have a medical reason for not driving)

You must be remarkably patient. It woulda looked like a Jerry Springer episode at my house if DH pulled that mess. "So tell our audience; just why did your wife beat you senseless with an iron skillet?"

**brenda67** · 12-10-2006, 02:16 PM

Well my first response from reading your post was..WOW...I think your Dh is alot like mine in some ways..except my Dh races online..literally with the wheel and gas pedals...he would come home from work and be racing till he went to bed and Weekends forget it he was totally oblivious to anything around him..he was just a permanent fixture..He too would also comment that at least he was home and not at the bars..I had to face it along time ago that my Dh is a spoiled brat and at times can be a very self centered man..I would say alot of not so nice comments totally out of fustration to get him to snapout of it,that their is other things in life other than racing.. My Dh did come around finally this past year(this was going on for 3 years) and actually did alot of out door maintence.. ..I'm not trying to mean but your Dh needs to growup and get his priorities straight..It makes me really upset to hear of you being that sick and him telling you to wait till he's finished, and walking your daughter in that kind of weather would of put me over the edge..I put up with alot of crap from my Dh but..thats where I would of drawed the line... My Dh knows when I have had enough and doesn't cross that line to often..Do you have an open line of communication with him? When I questioned my Dh on his addiction his words to me was that I don't show him enough affection so he figured that would keep him from bugging me......... And he was right I worked several jobs had all the other responsabilities that go along with being a mother and household duties I was just to tired and mad at him..I resented him for a long time and sex was what I used against him. .. He finally came around and I hope your Dh does the same....Heres a big "HUG" for you honey and I hope everything works out for the best.....Oh and my Dh's job is building race cars..LOL...

**FrugalMomof3** · 12-10-2006, 02:21 PM

No advice really but wanted to send you hugs

and let you know I am here if you ever want to talk. While my DH has some slight addictions its no where near your DH's but I wish you the best of luck and hope he comes around the realize that his family is more important than any game.

**yankeegal** · 12-10-2006, 03:02 PM

Originally Posted by Jill B.

You did a lot already. My DH is a sober alcoholic. He has been sober for almost 19 years. The first few years of our marriage were terrible since he was drinking. An addiction is not something you can change. It is something the addict must change.

You gave him a choice and he made it. Now you have to ask yourself "Is my life better off with him or without him?" Picture your life walking with your daughter places since you don't drive and he won't drive. Picture him without a job because if he takes the games to work it will only be a matter of time before they decide they don't want him as an employee. Only you can decide the next step.

You might want to do some research to see if there is a therapist or a program for computer addictions in your area. This is becoming more and more of a problem. Maybe there is a "rehab" for this problem. Get yourself some help too. I went to Al-Anon for years even after DH sobered up. It gave me new life and I connected with people whose spouses drank. I received so much support to get through that time. There are probably online forums for spouses of computer addicts, etc.

Could not have said it any better...great advice!

**MOMMYDEAREST** · 12-10-2006, 05:05 PM

oh tracy i want to come to your house right now & give you a huge hug. i grew up with my dad being a huge alcoholic, so i know all about addiction. addiction is a horrible thing. just give him a few days to think about whats going on & i almost guarantee he will realize his family needs to come 1st. when he started packing his bags to leave, he was probably so upset about everything he didn't know how to reaact, so he just left. give him so time & you some time to calm down. i will keep you in my prayers. hang in there honey!!!

**i.m.cheap** · 12-11-2006, 12:14 AM

I can kind of relate. My DH is addicted to World of Warcraft. He starts playing within ten minutes of arriving home from work, and plays until he goes to bed. Every weekend, he plays all day long. I just try to find other things to do. If I did not drive, it would be terrible. I go browse in the thrift stores, clean something, bake, work on my coupon binder, watch a movie with dd, or anything to keep from getting mad at DH for playing ALL the TIME. To his credit, he goes to college, does get his assignments done, and works a full-time job. The rest of the time if he is not sleeping, he is gaming.

**Tracy** · 12-11-2006, 08:36 AM

thank you for all the support!!!!

He called to say goodnight to our daughter last night and then we fought on the phone a bit.He still says that he does not have a problem with gaming. I called to tell his mom that the stupid game machine she got him was ruining our marriage and that maybe she might want to say something to him. I said it much more polite then that and I didn't even raise my voice. I can sort of see her point of view but she said it was not her place. I said that you don't think that it is a problem that your son chose a video game machine over our marriage. She said it wasn't her place. I was so mad, there is a part in me that feels of course she isn't going to say anything she never really liked me anyways and tried for years to end our relationship. She would be thrilled if both her kids were back at home.
I still am mad but not as mad. I had sort of resolved myself to think that this marriage is over and we are done. But I still love him and we have been together for 10 years and married for 5 of those, we started dating when I was 16. But I don't know where to go from here. I don't know if I should leave the ball in his court or resolve myself to a separation, or should I step in and try to save it? Last night I totally resolved myself to figure things out on my own. Now I am not so sure, I am tired of the fighting. He wants to come home but there is part of me that does not want him to. So I told him that I would see if my mom would take DD for a couple of hours tonight and that we would go get a cup a coffee and talk. I never thought that at 26 I would be standing at these crossroads. There is just part of me that feels like I lost my friend somewhere along the way. We were friends before we ever started dating and I really really want that friendship back.

**MarshHen** · 12-11-2006, 09:33 AM

Sweetie, I'm so sorry. You are in my prayer's.

**favesis37** · 12-11-2006, 09:39 AM

no advice, but sending big hugs. hang in there

**Ani** · 12-11-2006, 10:56 AM

Originally Posted by Tracy

There is just part of me that feels like I lost my friend somewhere along the way. We were friends before we ever started dating and I really really want that friendship back.

That is EXACTLY what you should tell him when you have coffee with him tonight. Maybe if you were to focus with him on the relationship that you want to rebuild, and use examples of his excessive gaming only to illustrate it as one of the obstacles to rebuilding your relationship, he'll be more amiable to a resolution.

My hubby and I are both extremely avid gamers, so there is never any resentment there, it's something that we do together. However, even being the avid gamer that I am, I can definitely agree with you that your husband is addicted and needs to rearrange his priorities and possibly get some help for his addiction. The part to me that particularly points out the seriousness of the addiction is that he's willing to let his family physically suffer (through illness, through cold and other extremes) to feed his addiction. That is not right, normal, healthy, or appropriate.

I don't know what other advice to offer, but I'm thinking of you and I hope that you're able to get this resolved. If you're still in love with him, fight for your marriage, but only so far as he's willing to make it work as well.

Take care sweetie. <3