Would you let your adult kid borrow your car/van?

**frugalnana** · 01-20-2007, 04:24 PM

I just wanted to know how many of you would let your adult child borrow your car/van for a convention that was 4000 to 6000 miles away.
Dh and I usually agree on everything, but this one thing has stuck a torn in my side.

Our oldest has a convention in Nevada next week and in September he asked to use the Durango since it is bigger than his Ford Explorer. I said no, his dad just told me last night he is letting him take it. Him, his wife, two kids and in-laws are going. The in laws said if it breaks down they would fix it. My thought is if they were willing to fix it, then why don't they rent a van that would fit all of them. The in laws have allot of money and do not want for anything.

I'm not a selfish person and we both have given to our kids in the past for down payments, car repairs and other things and do not expect anything in return. I shop at Thrift stores, goodwill, yard sales, clearence sales etc for myself. The same kid buys exspensive clothes and other big boy toys. I told my dh they had plenty of time to save for a rental or to even trade their Explorer for a larger one.

All our kids know we are on an extremely tight budget in order to meet our goals for the increased medical.

I think my main concern is that we have all these medical bills we are trying to pay off in one year. What happens if they take the Durango and it doesn't break down but several weeks later it has a major malfunction? We wouldn't have the income to immediately fix it. I've always gone with my gut feelings and it keeps telling me this is a bad idea. I have no clue why.

I was just wondering what you all would do. Thanks for any input.

**leezza** · 01-20-2007, 04:35 PM

Hmmnnn, sounds like your DH wants to be the good guy, and that's Ok let him but just calmly tell the Kid, no........myself I would be more concerned about all those folks eating in my car.......I think you are right they could rent a van or something else for that matter. And another thing that is a lot of miles, what about the oil changes and wear and tear on the tires and such. I say piss them all off, but feel more secure in the mean time.

JMHO,
leezza

**Megareader** · 01-20-2007, 04:57 PM

Not too long back I borrowed my Mom's car, just for a day while mine was being repaired. But I just drove her car a very few miles, not a cross country trip. I wouldn't dream of doing that. I think you should tell your son he needs to rent a van big enough for his group for his trip. He has had enough time to prepare for this.

**jamie79** · 01-20-2007, 05:42 PM

I agree with telling them to rent a vehicle. Gut feelings are there for a reason

**FrugalMomof3** · 01-20-2007, 05:54 PM

I would have said no as well. The fact that they can fix the car should something happen is a sign that they should just rent a car and pay for that insurance, I think your DH is trying to be the good guy but you should have a talk with him about how you dont feel it's the right thing. 4000-6000 miles is alot to put on your car as well which to me isnt quite fair.

**brainyblonde** · 01-20-2007, 06:30 PM

I would say "no" as well. That is way too many miles to put on someone's vehicle. (I can't believe they even asked!) Why can't they split the cost of a rental with the in-laws?

**crazyBMB** · 01-20-2007, 06:44 PM

I would have to say "no" as well. Renting one will be easier to deal will bounderies as well, not to mention the cost and possible heart ache of this if something should happen.

**suesue** · 01-20-2007, 07:42 PM

I'd say no also. Maybe you could offer a bit of money to help towards the rental, to help ds not to have hard feelings.

Of course, the decision isn't yours alone. If letting ds borrow the vehicle is important to your dh, then it's worth it to let it go, and keep peace in your home.

**Cele** · 01-20-2007, 10:17 PM

I don't have an opinion about whether he should take your vehicle, but I am concerned that after you said no he went to his dad anyway. That's a game little kids play on their parents, but for an adult to do so seems disrespectful.

The other issue of concern is that you and your husband didn't talk about your decision together, so you could present a united front regardless of whether the answer was yes or no.

Since the trip is now a week away, your son might not be able to get a rental and you will be the bad guy (so to speak) if you don't let him take it. I do think that even if he does take it, you should again express your displeasure to him and tell him not to ask for such favors again.

**Emerald_Mommy** · 01-20-2007, 10:53 PM

[QUOTE]I don't have an opinion about whether he should take your vehicle, but I am concerned that after you said no he went to his dad anyway. That's a game little kids play on their parents, but for an adult to do so seems disrespectful. QUOTE]

However, I will say that back in Oct/Nov when our van was broken for an entire month, my parents loaned us their car to go 300 miles away (for Philip's mom's birthday). Not quite as far and not the same situation (we didn't ask, my parents offered) but if it were just: my kid needs a car to get somewhere, and they're trustworthy, I'd let them.

**Ani** · 01-20-2007, 10:57 PM

I'm with the rest -- I think it's ludicrous that they even asked, and even worse that he went behind your back and played you against your husband. I would still continue to be the "bad guy" and just say "no". This could turn out extremely badly for you, and this is just not fair.

**baronmom** · 01-21-2007, 10:43 AM

I am kind of the opposite. I left my mom borrow my van to drive to Ohio. There were a bunch of people going, and since I had the minivan, it made life easier for her. She left me borrow her car while she was gone. It all worked out for us.

**frugalnana** · 01-21-2007, 06:48 PM

Thank you ladies for your opinion. Dh does have a big heart. It just frustrates me that after I said no, that dh gives the ok. I am a little miffed at the moment and dh knows it. He called and talked to our son and explained that he went over the boundaries a little. So I guess if they can't find another van or other car that is large enough for all 6 people that they will be taking the Durango.
If they had been going to Cincinnati ohio, or cleveland or even Pittsburgh. I don't think I would have a problem with it. Its just going from Ohio to Nevada is just to much mileage and to much wear and tear.
The other thing that bothered me was that he bought this Durango for him, I drove the New Yorker. Well after he bought it he realized it was not roomy enough for him (He's 6'2) and that he did like the New Yorker better. So dh gave me the Durango since I usually have the grandkids and I run errands for my parents. So I didn't feel like I really had a say in who drove it. So I told dh to take the durango back for himself and that I would just drive my car that I had paid for myself. Then it just wouldn't be a problem for anyone.
Plus I guess the weather from ohio to Nevada is pretty nasty. But I usually get over things and just appreciate everyone listening to my small vent yesterday and for your input.

**favesis37** · 01-21-2007, 07:04 PM

nope, i wouldn't. i have loaned my durango to the kids for a trip to teh store while dd's van was broken down. but that is way to many miles for my comfort. good luck in what ever you choose