At this moment my life makes me want to cry!

**Dancing Lotus** · 01-25-2007, 07:02 PM

My dh is almost never home, and when he is he locks himself in the bedroom to study.

My house is always a mess becuase nobody will help me keep it clean.

My baby will not let me leave her sight. NO joke she cries her eyes out if I leave the room. When Im in the kitchen she holds onto my legs. On one hand its very sweet to be needed that much but on the other it can be very difficult at times.

MY oldest never listens to a word I say and will keep asking me the same question over and over again until I want to scream. SHe fights with the baby and wont eat a darn thing I cook. She changes her clothes 10 times a day and throws them all on the floor. She also makes me change the chanel everytime a commercial comes on.

I cant afford to buy a single thing I want no matter how cheap it is becuase what somebody else wants is always more important. My new furniture is comeing apart and is nasty dirty becuase nobody else will take care of it. ANd I cant even afford to rent a cleaner to steam clean it. I dont go anywhere so that I wont burn up gas and I drink water so I dont have to spend anymoney on drinks for me while dh gets his stupped oj and beer, and dd gets two gallons of milk a week and the other gets her chocolate milk and juice and ice cream God forbid mommy should forget to buy the icecream.
.

Im feeling fat and ugly becuase I cant spend a dime on beauty products and my hair is way past due a cut.

FOr moral reasons I have commeted to living a simple life, cooking from scratch, recycling, not buying anything that I truely dont need.And I am happy about these choices. I feel that I am becoming a better person and Im doing good things for the environment. But feeling like Im deprived and underapreaciated is not acceptable. Even a simple mom needs help and a day of pampering. I just want to feel like I count. Like i would be missed for more than just the cooking and cleaning. I spent my birthday money on the girls buying them clothes and things that they didnt nessecarly have to have but things I knew they would like and enjoy and yes use. But all I got for it was an empty wallet and a little girl talking to me like Im a class mate not her mother. I dont get it I am a parent that demand respect from her kids and yet Im still not getting it.

On top of it I have a friend that is doing her best to convience me that my dh doesnt love me as much as her dh loves her becuase mine doesnt do every little thing I tell him to and becuase my dh doesnt sit at home all weekend while I go out and party.

Thanks for the vent . I know it wont change my life but at least I have somewhere to talk without being told Im wrong to feel this way or that its all my fault.

**Missy** · 01-25-2007, 07:06 PM

great big cuddly hugs to you.

**bumplett** · 01-25-2007, 07:09 PM

Sometimes it just helps to type it out, just like you did ~

Just an opinion, so don't take it the wrong way, but it sounds like you lack self esteem & self confidence. Take a few minutes every day to tell yourself that you are important - you have to respect yourself before you can ask other people to. ((hugs)) We are here when you need someone to talk to --

**Telephus44** · 01-25-2007, 07:14 PM

Just wanted to send some big hugs your way!

**Dancing Lotus** · 01-25-2007, 07:20 PM

You are correct I do lack self esteem and always have. I seam confident untell I open my fat mouth and tell the trueth. I blame my mom. My entire life she has been abusing herself and and I dont think I have ever heard her say a nice word about herself. That had to have an affect on me as a kid.

**Chef4You** · 01-25-2007, 07:38 PM

AnnK, big hugs to you!! It sounds like me a few years ago. I felt VERY unorganized and couldn't pull it together with 2 little ones!! I found a website and began doing ROUTINES and 15 min spurts of cleaning which I made into a game for my kids and it worked sometimes and other times it didnt work. I didn't always get everything done and that was ok! You have to learn to do what you can and forget the rest till next time in my opinion. I learned to make time for my kids to play with (they were happier when we played together). A put aside about 1 hr or so to clean in 15 min spurts.

Just my opinion but look around your town/city for free classes or some kind of workshop to give you a chance to get out of the house and be YOU!!
It helps you not loose who you are, there are low cost/no cost things to do. Not sure if you get my help from DH with taking the kids when you need to do things but if not, look to see if there is a high school person who could watch them maybe 2 hrs a week so you can have a bit of a break. I know venting helps so much and I am in no way telling you what you HAVE to do, just hoping to give you a new idea since I have BTDT.

**cheappearls** · 01-25-2007, 07:43 PM

Oh hun. I'm so sorry.

and here's some

.

Can you take a day for yourself? Find a babysitter (or ask DH to watch the kids) and just go out. Even if you just sit at the park all day, it will be YOUR time.

**Michelle68** · 01-25-2007, 07:43 PM

Originally Posted by AnnK

You are correct I do lack self esteem and always have. I seam confident untell I open my fat mouth and tell the trueth. I blame my mom. My entire life she has been abusing herself and and I dont think I have ever heard her say a nice word about herself. That had to have an affect on me as a kid.

There's a great quote by Eleanor Roosevelt, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." It must've been very difficult to see your mom run herself down all the time, but now that you are an adult, only you can change the pattern that you may have learned from her. As for your family, it sounds as if you need to put your foot down and let them know how you're feeling. Your feelings do have value and so do you. If they are taking you for granted it's only because you have allowed them to do so. You need to take care of yourself and take time for yourself, even if they give you some grief at first. If you get birthday money, it's okay to spend all, if not at least most of it, on yourself. It sounds as if you have a wonderful, giving nature and enjoy doing things for your family. That's great, but don't let yourself become a doormat. IMHO, it doesn't do your kids any good to learn to expect anything they want and not learn to be appreciative of what they are given. They are seeing that they can treat you badly and that you will take it because of your lack of self esteem. In that way you may be perpetuating what your mother taught you.

As for you friend...what friend? You are a good person and deserve a true friend who will be supportive and kind to you.

Lots of {{hugs}} to you. Hang in there.

--Michelle

**Michelle68** · 01-25-2007, 07:51 PM

BTW, hope you don't the advice. We're here for you anytime you need to vent.

--Michelle

**MOMMYDEAREST** · 01-25-2007, 07:53 PM

annk- i want to give you a big hug!!!! being a stay at home mom can be a super difficult job. please feel free to vent here anytime you want too. you really need to dedictae some "alone" time for yourself. alot of times i don't have extra money to do anything when i do go out, but i walk the park & it feels so good to just get away!!! good luck honey & keep us posted!!!

**frugalwanttobe** · 01-25-2007, 08:29 PM

I am so sorry that you feel this way.

Men are very different from women. A lot of men don't "get it". They can love their family dearly and just don't know how to show it except for "paying" the bills. It is just who they are. Is it possible that you could make your husband a card and tell him how much you love him? It may trigger something in him.

Wishing you well

**Sundae** · 01-25-2007, 08:55 PM

AnnK, I hear you loud and clear!!!! So does dh work and go to school that he has to study? When I get a little down because my kids fight 9-11-12 in ages and dh is not around much and when he is... he is on the phone, really!!! I don't know how any man can talk so much on the phone, any ways I then start to think I am going to live for my kids. When I say this I mean I do this......Spend quality time with them and have fun, parks, walks, coloring what ever.. not to worry about the house to much, I need to feel good about myself to make my kids feel good, so I might get my hair cut, permed, new make up, shirt or something.. for when I feel good about myself I feel good about my kids......and my kids feel good about me....Its like this...I tell my dh its either a new hair style, color or a new man!

Take care of yourself 1st and then you will be happy taking care of your family!!!

**Juto** · 01-25-2007, 09:05 PM

To cheaply pamper yourself, take a hot bath, cut up cucumber slices for your eyes, and think about how you can improve YOU. You don't want to have the same effect on your kids that your mom had on you. Do you have a friend that could cut your hair for free? Go out on walks daily for fresh air. You need to make yourself happy because no one else will.
Hang in there!

**i.m.cheap** · 01-25-2007, 09:17 PM

Skip buying the ice cream for your kids this week, and get yourself a haircut. If you want to get respect from your daughter, you need to respect yourself! Put on a nice outfit, some make-up, and fix your hair. Do this every day. Once a week, grab the car keys and get out of the house to go to the library, or window shopping. You don't have to spend any money. Visit a friend, if you have one that is not always trying to bring you down. You don't need friends like that.

You can always come here to vent. We are here for you!

**jenray** · 01-25-2007, 09:34 PM

I feel for you. I've been there with so many of those feelings also.

My suggestion....steal a few of your hubby's beers and lock yourself in the bathroom with loud, sappy music; and a nice hot bubble bath. I honestly do this at least once a week for my 'get away' and just sit in the tub and cry. The hot bath and few beers seems to help me trudge on through life, and over time my hubby and kids have learned that this is the time that I am upset and need to be by myself (seriously, no one knocks on the bathroom door anymore!)...and I typically come out of the bathroom to a quiet, calmer house.

Just try not to let it get you down too much. You are obviously doing so much right.