OK is a bad thing on my part??

**Sundae** · 01-31-2007, 12:02 PM

Like most of you I have kids, at home 9-11 and 12
My dd is the 12 year old, getting into boys and who knows what else in the years to come, she has already had her first bf this past summer.

Any ways I have it, without her knowledge, where I can go back and read all her msn chat conversations with her friends, there has never been anything bad on there and I hope there never will be!

But in so doing am i being bad about this??

When her bf of this summer broke up with her, OK I read this, he said it was because they never get to see each other, live about 40 miles apart, he is around in the summer. Well low and behold he has his new gf come in on this conversation with the two of them, I am sure dd did not catch on, but I bet he was just letting this new gf to be know that he was breaking up with my dd, At this time I really felt bad for her, she was in tears, so in away me having this access can help.

So is this an OK thing for me to do, or is it all wrong???

**Missy** · 01-31-2007, 12:06 PM

I believe it is absolutely ok to be monitoring our children. Especialy in a day when anything ccan happen and often does happen because of computer conversations. IMO it is completely ok.

**Marie78** · 01-31-2007, 12:10 PM

I don't have any children yet but I can absolutely see wanting to keep an eye on things involving chats online. I grew up in a time where children didn't have access to the world. Now all the kids with a computer in their homes do. I know this concept concerns me.

**cheappearls** · 01-31-2007, 12:14 PM

I think you are doing the right thing BUT you sould let your dd know you can read her convos. It's keeping her safe and if she doesn't want you reading them then maybe she has something to hide.

That's pretty crappy about that boyfriend. Hopefully she makes better choices in boys next time.

**acidcookie** · 01-31-2007, 12:34 PM

I think it's normal and encouraged to keep up on what your kids are up to, especially with the Internet, but I can't agree that it's entirely fair to read her entire MSN convos unless she knows. Otherwise you could really lose her trust.

And wow, girls have boyfriends at 12? Haha, I was old with my first boyfriend at 17.

**frugalfriend** · 01-31-2007, 01:02 PM

I think I would do the same thing. You can't be too careful these days. I do think you should tell her, but I'm wondering if that would make her hide things and communicate her "secrets" to her friends in other ways (phone, letters, etc.)

**YankeeMom** · 01-31-2007, 01:06 PM

Mine (dd-14, dd-12) aren't allowed to do online chatting (messenger or anything) but I do have all their passwords to their emails & Neopet accounts. They know that I can and do read things in there from time to time. They also know that I check the browser history so I know EXACTLY where they have been and what they have been doing when they are online. (They are usually right in my line of site while they are online, so this isn't much of an issue for us.)

I don't think it's bad. I think it is your job as a parent to make sure that her environment is safe...online and offline

**acidcookie** · 01-31-2007, 01:44 PM

I think even kids should be allowed to have some secrets. Of course nothing like drugs or such should be going on, but they can to have private conversations with their friends about boys/girls they like or keep diaries with their personal thoughts.

**FrugalMomof3** · 01-31-2007, 01:44 PM

I dont think it's wrong of you to monitor your children, we have done it in the past and caught my oldest while I was pretending to be a hot chick looking to meet him, he fell for it and learned a valuable lesson. We still on ocassion just peek at what they have written and so far so good, nothing wrong with wanting to protect your children, now is there?

**Cricketlegs** · 01-31-2007, 02:03 PM

You have to monitor. It keeps them safe.

Your children need you. Period.

There is no such thing as absolute privacy when you have a child under 18 or if that child is still at home and 18.

You also have to remember their actions can bring the worst smut and perversion into YOUR home and into YOUR computers.

Be tough, you can do it.

**Neeley** · 01-31-2007, 02:31 PM

DD & DS know that we reserve the right to read anything they have written on the computer. We have several safey progams on the desktop, my laptop and DD's laptop especially. We also check the history on a regular basis and do spot checks often. They are not allowed to do PM's, instant messanger, chat rooms or in any way have a one on one conversation with someone. DD likes a couple fan fiction type sites and artwork sharing sites. We do monitor her activity there and on her myspace account.
We do not read some of her writings if she asks us not to - as long as they aren't published on the internet. If she has written them in her notebooks or journals, we do not touch them. Like a book she has been writing for about a year. She asked that we not read it until it was finished. She has let a friend of ours read it, so we are okay with that. Also, we will not read her personal diary/journal. We just believe she deserves a certain amount of privacy. She has not given us any reason not to allow her some privacy. If she ever does give us a reason not to trust her we will cross that bridge then. But that is just us and how DH and I choose to handle it.
You know your own child best and you know better than anyone else how to handle situations in your home dealing with you child. I don't think you are wrong.

**wanderlusting** · 01-31-2007, 02:32 PM

My father allowed me and db to have computers in our rooms. But he told us that every week, he'd check up on our history to see where we've been. We were fine with this because we knew upfront what was going on. As long as you let your DD know, I think it's ok. That way if she does want to have private conversations, she can hold them in person or on the phone.

**yankeegal** · 01-31-2007, 03:57 PM

Originally Posted by YankeeMom

Mine (dd-14, dd-12) aren't allowed to do online chatting (messenger or anything) but I do have all their passwords to their emails & Neopet accounts. They know that I can and do read things in there from time to time. They also know that I check the browser history so I know EXACTLY where they have been and what they have been doing when they are online. (They are usually right in my line of site while they are online, so this isn't much of an issue for us.)

I don't think it's bad. I think it is your job as a parent to make sure that her environment is safe...online and offline

This is exactly what I do as well....I was just listening to an ad by Jamie Lee Curtis about children being taken advantage(or worse) by computer predators. I don't think you can be too careful. Parental controls are a wonderful thing.

**many houseapes** · 01-31-2007, 04:51 PM

I believe that you have the God-given right to know what your kids are up to. For your children's sake...you have the moral obligation to protect them as much as you possibly can. Don't feel bad about it...you're doing the right thing

**kaykwilts** · 01-31-2007, 04:52 PM

We have three computers in our house. From DHs computer he can spy on them if he wants to because of some softwhere he put on his machine. It spies in current time but not history. The kids know that I can check history at any time. So far they haven't been anywhere. The kids have a myspace which I'm not entirely comfortable with but I got a myspace too and am on their friend's list so I can check what they are doing. I am constantly lecturing them not to let anybody they don't know communicate with. It is mainly their friends at school.