My oldest wants to fight/vent

**miss_thrifty** · 02-01-2007, 10:20 AM

Last nite he came home and told me this certian kid was picking on him and getting kids laughing at him calling him a fruit. Which I know and he deffently not.Of corse he threatned to kick his a** today and is tired of the bullying that goes unchecked in school. This happened at the dance last nite.
I told him to see the principal, but he said: "Whats the sense , this kid has been kicked out so many times ans suspended, they wont do anything" .
So my hubby said he has to deal with, he has to deffend himself and take his consequences, from school and here. He will grounded if he gets kicked out. major!!!!
I've talked to principal before and doesnt work. he Acts like he cares, and wants whats best for the kids and protect them, but the turns his head. He's leaving in 2 weeks for another posistion at another school. he couldnt hack , thats what I think.

**FrugalMomof3** · 02-01-2007, 10:49 AM

I am sorry this is happening but I agree your DS needs to stand up for himself, I taught my kids that as well and even though we wish all kids would be able to talk to end such things, it never works, so I say tell DS to stand proud and do what must be done, then when he's done he will be shown respect.

**3-boys-4-me** · 02-01-2007, 10:55 AM

We are going through a similar situation here with our oldest son, 13.
How long has this been going on?
If the principle is not doing anything to help your son, what exactly do you expect your boy to do? I am not trying to offend anyone here, but if your son doesn't stick up for himself the teasing will not only continue but probably escalate.

**Sundae** · 02-01-2007, 11:23 AM

I am sorry this is happening to your family, GET INVOLVED!!! This is how all those darn shootings happen in school. No parent involvement. Although my son was probably alot younger then what your son sounds, I went rite up to the punk and put him in his place when he was bothering my son. As long as your son is in HS or younger step in, grant it this might bother him or embarass him for a day or two, BUT it will show him that you love him and care what is happening to him!! The bullying may last the rest of his school life if you don't step in, or he may finally step up to the plate and actually do the WRONG thing!!

**jamie79** · 02-01-2007, 12:10 PM

Personally I would let him defend himself and then take the consequences. I also would not ground him if it were my child. When the school is unwilling to do something sometimes enough is enough

**cheappearls** · 02-01-2007, 12:33 PM

When I was having problems in school with a bully, my mom told me that if I fight and going to get in trouble for it I better make it worth it. haha.

I hope something works out. It really sucks that the school isn't going anything to help.

**Missy** · 02-01-2007, 12:44 PM

14 is a hard time no matter girl or boy. I hope there is resolution. Best of luck to your ds and to your mommy heart

**3-boys-4-me** · 02-01-2007, 12:46 PM

Originally Posted by Sundae

I am sorry this is happening to your family, GET INVOLVED!!! This is how all those darn shootings happen in school. No parent involvement. Although my son was probably alot younger then what your son sounds, I went rite up to the punk and put him in his place when he was bothering my son. As long as your son is in HS or younger step in, grant it this might bother him or embarass him for a day or two, BUT it will show him that you love him and care what is happening to him!! The bullying may last the rest of his school life if you don't step in, or he may finally step up to the plate and actually do the WRONG thing!!

I guess your punk is nicer then ours.

My DH went right up to the punk on many occassions. I will tell ya a few things that have happened.
When all this first began, my DH confronted the punk, at which time the punk told my DH to f*** off!
Another time the punk rode his bike by our house (he doesn't live anywhere near our neighborhood) and kicked over our trash can, which was sitting out by the road for pick up. My DH took off out of the house after the kid, I called the cops (in fear that if DH caught up to him he would choke the life right out of him). The cops finally found the punk and right there in front of the police officer the punk told my DH not to look at him.
Another time my DH went to the punks parents to inform them of what had been going on. All he got was excuses from his mother about how he was ADHD. My DH politely informed the lady that her son wasn't acting that way because he's ADHD, it's because he's LD. She asked what LD was. DH informed her it meant Lacking Discipline.
After DH got involved the name calling and bullying got worse. Instead of the punk calling our oldest son gay or some other ignorance he began calling him a Momma's boy and a p***y. At that time I wouldn't even let DS go outside with his friends.
We stepped out of it. Not because we don't love or support him, but because we were making things worse. That's just how it is now a days, or atleast around here.
Thank goodness this punk doesn't attend the same middle school our son does, he's in high school. The very same high school our son will be attending next year. This summer our son will be attending a self defense class. Then, should the need arise, he can kick this punks a**.
We have already been to the principle of the HS and informed him of the problems we have been having. Even wrote a letter advising him of our concerns. We were told that if/when something happens in school, it will be taken care of. This punk is suspended from school weekly. I honestly don't even know how it is he hasn't been expelled.
I should also mention that we aren't the only family having problems with this punk. He's well known.
Things have lightened up some, he's probably moved onto picking on another child. I can now allow DS out with his friends, only in groups, however I make him carry a cell phone and I keep in constant contact with him.

**Neeley** · 02-01-2007, 12:50 PM

We let our stand up for themselves. We always told our kids when they were in traditional school that they better not hit first, but they need not back away either. We could not ground the kids for standing up for themselves. But this is just what works for us. We also pulled our kids from traditional schools for a multitude of reasons, one of them being safety. I hope it all works out for your son and your family.

**YankeeMom** · 02-01-2007, 02:10 PM

We had an issue with a bully at my younger daughter's school. The girl would push my daughter into lockers, knock her on the floor, punch her in the arm as they were walking down the hallway.

The school just kept putting the bully in detention.

After going up there twice to try to remedy the situation, I told the vice principal to relay the message that the next time that girl touches my child, I will NOT be dealing with the school system. I will be filing a police report for battery. The VP relayed my information to both the bully and the bully's parents.

That girl has not touched my child since.

Sometimes you have to take it beyond the school. If the school can't do anymore, it's time to take it to the police.

**kabin63** · 02-01-2007, 02:29 PM

Bullying is a major problem all around. Have you seen the clips of the girls getting beaten up by the other girls? It's actually quite shocking.
My DD came home from school last week and told me that another girl, I know this girl too, had said to my DD " Why don't you just go kill yourself?"
I couldn't believe it, but then, I know how kids are. I got picked on a lot in school, but when push came to shove I fought back.
My Dh said it should be reported about what the other girl said, so I told DD and she said she would.
I guess things have been quiet this week.
I hope you get this issue resolved before something major happens. Kids take things to extremes anymore.

**mnmarty03** · 02-01-2007, 02:45 PM

When I was younger I never had any problems with being bullied (I did my best to just fade into the wood work) but my sister did. My mom always told us that if someone else hits first, it's okay for us to hit back. One time a girl wanted to have a fight with my sister, and my mom flat out told her that if she wanted to fight with my sister than she would need to do it in our yard so that my mom could make sure it was a fair fight. The other girl didn't like that and they never did fight.

If it were my kids and we'd tried everything else I'd probably tell them that what they do next is their decision and that they'll have to deal with all the consequences for that decision.

**fernykins** · 02-01-2007, 04:38 PM

Go down to the district office......... The P... not doing his job go higher up. You know who the bully is you know what school he goes to. If they dont do anything then the cops........... I alway told my kids to hit second. Then they would not be in troubl with me. The school is responsible for your child from the time the walk out your door till they walk back in..........
Fern

**miss_thrifty** · 02-01-2007, 05:25 PM

Well i never got any phone calls about detention or kicked out .Whew!!
sOn came home told me the kid wasnt there today, it was a blue/white day- activity day and no school tomorrow, its a development day. He told me he's still kicking his a** Monday and not to growl him. Hubby told me to leave him deal with it. This kid never beat him up, or pushed him around. I found out he told our friend in confidence last week that he was going to get suspended soon. So it was going on for awhile.
Ill let u know what happens Monday. There isnt a while group of them, just one dang kid who doesnt care, and has major issues and very defiant. My son isnt scared of him, just doesnt want to get in trouble and this name calling that happened last nite will stop. If this Monday he doesnt fix it with this kid and scare the beejesus out of him. Im going to the school.!!!