Sons' hockey coach

**FarmerSue** · 02-05-2007, 03:14 PM

I am just sick about this and need to vent or get this off my chest. Last weekend my son was at a hockey tournament. They lost their first game and when they went in the dressing room their coaches freaked out and were yelling and swearing at them. Lots of f words being used among others. One coach kicked the big garbage can across the room and it hit a kid! They told the kids they had to stay in the dressing room and sit there until their next game with out leaving the dressing room, we had to go down and get them their lunch etc. They didn't even know if we were coming, they just knew they weren't allowed to leave. My son has Juvenile Diabetes and knew he needed to eat before the next game. When I went in there he just burst into tears! He and his teammates are 9 and 10 years old.
My husband is the third coach but had to work that day so he wasn't there. We've been getting so many calls about this and it just makes us ill. We held a parents coaches meeting and that just made it worse believe it or not! The one coach that is a school teacher seemed really apologetic but the other one basically said he knew other coaches that are way worse. His wife even said some kids need that pick me up!!!!!!!!!!
If we bitch about it too much do we run the risk of our kids being benched??? The next weekend we played again and we won. The unapoligetic coach handed my son a regular pop infront of the team and was loud and obnxious when my husband told him to keep it, our son can't drink it...........FUMING!!!!! The guy has known this for years, they buy him diet pop for birthday parties. Paranoid mom or is this guy trying to tick me off.
Anyways that's besides the point. Now that people have heard about this the coaches wife doesn't want us talking about it and actually thinks us discussing it is worse than what actually happened.....her hubby is a victim now.
Sorry for the novel but I am just so mad and sad for those boys. They saw something and felt something they never should have. Grown men losing it like that over a game. Has anything like this ever happened to any of you and what would you have done if this had happened to your kids?
I'll appreciate any of your responses.......there seems to be a dark cloud hanging over us.

**cheappearls** · 02-05-2007, 03:19 PM

Holy bejeebies!!

Is it a school run team or a city team? Because it needs to be brought to attention by which ever higher ups that are involved. No way would I let my kids be couched by a man like that nor should any kids have to deal with that. Maybe you should pull him from the team until the problems are fixed.

I really hope something gets worked out.

**Darlene** · 02-05-2007, 03:33 PM

I'd be pulling my son & I'd advise others to do the same. That is not a coach, that is an intimidating dictator bully without common sense. "Coach" needs a time out, anger managment intervention & then some.

**geckoace** · 02-05-2007, 03:43 PM

that coach should not be coaching children! if someone cursed at my son, that would be the end of it. and no way are you punishing my son for not winning by keeping him in a locker room. that not the way you teach people to do better. the appropriate punishment IMO would be an extra practice or something. that is ridiculous and i would report the coach to the league! maybe some league guidlines for punishment need to be established so there is a disciplinary action to be taken.

**Neeley** · 02-05-2007, 03:45 PM

I am a believer in letting my kid's coaches handle them, for the most part(DH is always one of his coaches so I get some peace of mind there)- I won't go into details on my thoughts and reasons on this because I do not want to get into a debate about it and I am extreme in what I believe as far as this type of thing goes.

However, even I think this guy has crossed a line and I would be ticked off, too. I would be raising some heck, especially concidering your son's medical. We have a board of directors we can go to if there is a problem with our son's team. Do you have a board or committee who you can file a complaint with? Can you and the other parents call a meeting among yourselves to discuss what is going on?

Good luck, I hope you guys are able to get it all worked out and your son can stay on the team. I would hate to see that he had to quit playing, especially if he really loves it.

**momof42003** · 02-05-2007, 04:59 PM

As a mom of a 10 year old diabetic son myself, I would be absolutely p@$$@#!!!! How assinine of that coach.. I would see if there is any way of having the coach replaced before yanking my son.. I know here we can always go to the organization that is in charge of hiring coaches and such and complain/or compliment when we want. I cannot believe that a coach would do something so harmful to a child as to disregard his illness.. I would be fuming. It would NOT be tolerated again. I would in no uncertain terms let all the coaches, teachers, aids, who ever it may be that that behavior is totally unacceptable... He endangered the welfare of your child.

Never the less, I would at least express my feelings about the language, and the whole yelling/thowing stuff to someone above the coach.Ok so if every parent went and signed a petition, or voiced their opinion of this coach, would he seriously bench everyone????? You know kind of like blue flu, everyone should complain....I doubt it would help...

I am so sorry you are dealing with this and the whole diabetes issue with your son. I know how stressful the diabetes part in itself can be. (Or at least it is for me.) I would ask your son how badly he wants to play.. Then decide if you want to pull him from the team. I am not sure what I would do in your situation. My son has not started team sports yet, and if he does, it would be basketball, and we go through an organization I could go to if something did happen. Good luck, keep us posted.

**claimsgirl66** · 02-05-2007, 05:52 PM

I would think the coaches conduct violated a "Code of Conduct" for the teams and I agree with the other folks. I found ( when my daughter was in high school and there were some issue) typing up the incident in a summary of the date and time, etc..and faxing or sending to the school was good. I also found when I had a little summary typed up, I was less likely to lose my cool, or get emotional or side tracked, just stick to the facts. By sending something formal, they cannot just sweep the issue under the rug as opposed to a phone call. Health issues aside from your child, I certainly would not expect my child to put up with a teachre dropping the f-bomb, so what makes it OK in a sports environment. I would be afraid what the guy would do next.

**cherrie79** · 02-05-2007, 06:08 PM

This is unacceptable! I would be beyond fuming. I would raise hell. These are children, and should not be subjected to such irresponsible and cruel treatment. Where do people get off thinking they have the right to talk to anyone in a belittling way? Or even worse, disregarding the health of your son or anyone else with health problems.

Parents can be worse then kids, when it comes to sports. I have seen it on those TV specials and at my daughters games (she a cheerleader). I would seriously look into getting this couch removed. He has already show violent tendencies, and things could get worse. For my own child's safety (physically and mentally), I would go out of my way to either see the coach removed or find another leauge for them. I know it might be too late to join another leauge, but I wouldn't just let my child sit there and be anyones victim. I would cut his season short in a heartbeat.

**claimsgirl66** · 02-05-2007, 06:24 PM

This past week in my area there was a news account of a high school basketball coach fired for trying to motivate his team with language his principal says was "out of line". I will spare you the details but basically according to the news, he questioned the kids manhood...totally uncalled for. So I think saying something will do some good....you cannot be the only parent feeling the way you do.

**SewCrafty** · 02-05-2007, 06:33 PM

One coach kicked the big garbage can across the room and it hit a kid!

I don't have kids but I would be a grizzly going after that man!

Now if a parent kicked a garbage can in anger and hit thier own child, it is called Child Abuse at least in my state, and can be arrested for it!!

Report him to whomever you have to and get him removed! He in no way shape or form belongs around children!

**fernykins** · 02-05-2007, 06:36 PM

Tell me the child that was hit with the trash can...........what did his parents do.......... He was really teaching the children good sportmanship. What he did was uncalled for. I alway throught the child health and walfare was important. Terrible
Fern

**kaykwilts** · 02-05-2007, 07:43 PM

There is no excuse for this coach to act this way. For goodness sake he is dealing with children. He should not be using gutter talk in front of those kids and kicking the can was uncalled for. I can't believe how insensitive he is to your chi'd's health issues. You parents need to ban together and get him fired as a coach.

**Michelle68** · 02-05-2007, 08:56 PM

That is totally unbelievable! I definitely think you have a right to be very upset about this. As someone else said, this guy is a bully and shouldn't be coaching children's sports.

--Michelle

**nwmissourigal** · 02-05-2007, 10:08 PM

This is unbelievable. This is a form of abuse..the anger manangement kind. These children are to young to be exposed to this kind of behavior from an adult. I know that coaches need to coach but outburst of this kind are unacceptable. You need to speak with someone about this coaches behavior and he owes these boys an appology and need to seek anger management couseling. Good luck with this. I will put you and your son and the coach on my prayer list...Blessings..Kathy

**tigo** · 02-06-2007, 10:44 AM

I think the coach was out of line in his behavior in the locker room and with the pop. His wife may be trying to soothe things so she has less of his gruff to deal with at home, but that is her problem not yours or the other parents. Get a couple of the parents together to make a joint reporting of this event. Clubs and schools don't want to open themselves up to litigation by having a loose cannon like this running around and are likely to try to get the coach to act appropiately. Me personally, I would have yanked my kids out of the situation as our personal values don't mesh with what the coach was displaying as adult behavior.