Grrrrrr ( vent )

**Tracy** · 02-27-2007, 04:54 PM

Ok so I just found out that my SM and Dad are taking a trip out to the eastern provinces this summer. No big deal really except they told us they didn't have the money to fly out and see my sister and I because it was to expensive. We are in central ontario!!!! GRRRRRRRR They wanted us to fly out and see them but I don't fly. Really I am the worst flyer I have to be sedated heavily to get on a plane. So that would leave DH to take care of me and DD because I have to be so heavily sedated that I can't be left alone because I tend to forget what I am doing. Plus DD can not sit still for long periods of time driving 45 mins to see the in-laws does her in. Sooo a 3 hour drive to the largest nearest airport, then you have to arrive what 2 or more hours early and then it is a 3 1/2 hour flight and then another 2 hour drive to there house. I said that maybe maybe when DD got a bit older I would consider it. But I told them I know lots of people fly with there children but my child could not handle it for that long right now. So I said come and see us, and you know what I was told SM does not like to fly!!!! and that it is too expensive to drive out and see us. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
It wouldn't be a big deal I guess except I saw my dad for the first time in 13 when DD was 3 months old. I wouldn't fly and they wouldn't come out to see us. (My sister and I) So I guess you could say I am angry and disappointed because I thought they really wanted a real relationship here. They drove out to see us when dd was 3 months old and they came out again the next summer for SS wedding. I invited my dad to my wedding but got a call the night before (after they said they were coming) they left a message on my moms answering machine telling me that they hoped I had a nice wedding but couldn't come because their boiler blew up (later found out that never happened) They keep telling us how much they want to see us but I mean in some ways I still feel like that little girl who used to wait by the phone on Sundays from that call from daddy that never came and my sister and I would wait all day. Eventually we stopped waiting, I know I am not the child and that I am an adult but I guess when it comes to family it doesn't make it hurt any less. I know that I probably sound childish here but still GRRRRRRRRRRRRR

**cheappearls** · 02-27-2007, 05:34 PM

I'm sorry they are acting like that.

**Tracy** · 02-27-2007, 05:42 PM

sorry can't figure out how to edit my message but should say 13 years

**baronmom** · 02-27-2007, 06:59 PM

Sorry they treat you like that. Seems to me, that they are giving all kinds of excuses not to see you. I would simply write them off. Sorry but when you reach out time and time again and they don't give back, it gets old. I have been there although it was friends that did it to me. Best of luck to you. I know it hurts.

**kaykwilts** · 02-27-2007, 07:04 PM

Doesn't it seem odd that they have the money and the time to do things they want but when it comes to you they don't? I know you are older but it still hurts and I know you would probably give anything to have a relationship with your father. If I had step children I would do everything in my power to encourage my husband to see them and have a relationship with them.

**pkellyc** · 02-27-2007, 07:09 PM

I am so sorry. Your not alone and it's so hard when parents do that. My brother lost a child when the child was 2 years old. When I arrived at their house to comfort them my sil was on the phone with her mother sobbing hysterically asking her to come here to CT from FL. Her mother told her she couldn't afford it and would not come. We all knew it was B.S.. Two months later we heard from her, she had just booked a cruise to Alaska she had been saving for. I can't stand that woman to this day!

On a funny note my brother says he is going to win the lottery some day. He plans on calling his mil and asking her to fly home for an emergency. When she doesn't come her share is history.

**AheeK** · 02-27-2007, 07:47 PM

Oh Tracy, I'm so sorry they treat you like that. You're right...even though you aren't a child anymore, their lies and rejection still hurt.

**Libby** · 02-27-2007, 10:30 PM

Tracy - sorry to hear that your parents treat you like that. Maybe its for the best that they dont come to visit as much as you want. It could end up back in huge family feud? Instead try focusing on what you do have - some contact with them. Just keep them updated with a note every 6 months or so with a pic enclosed so they can see what they're missing out by not being a part of etc. Or there could be underlying issues - your SM has the issues and is imposing them on your father. I dont know b/c Im not in their situation but I truly am sorry that they treat you like this and get your hopes up. NO ONE deserves to be treated like that.

**Nada.Leona** · 02-27-2007, 11:13 PM

Tell him that! Tell him if he can't be bothered to put the money, time and effort into the relationship, then it's not fair to you to have to wait around to see him. You're both living your own lives, and while it's not the kind of relationship you want to have with your father, he has to be mature about the situation too! I'd just say, "Dad, I don't care if you do or don't want to come out and see me or my sister anymore, but stop lying to me to try to make yourselves look better. Come visit me or don't, I don't really care one way or the other anymore. I have better things to do with my time then try to figure out when you're going to show up at my door." Period.

Sorry, this kind of thing gets me wired.

**Tracy** · 02-28-2007, 04:23 PM

Thank you for the support ladies!

**Marie78** · 02-28-2007, 08:08 PM

I am so sorry for you. I used to see my father every week until a year ago when he started dating the woman he is living with now. I have seen him less than a handful of times this year, he lives ~2hrs away, but he's always too busy with his "new" life. I know what you mean about feeling like a child, even when you are an adult. It's because you would expect your parents to want to see you and be part of your life and then when one of them shows such disinterest it hurts to the core.

**tigo** · 03-01-2007, 10:31 AM

My kids have dealt with this themselves. Their dad wasn't super involved before he married their step-mom but afterward they were totally cut out of his life. I have stopped trying to get their relationship mended (he sent them a fridge magnet with their name on it but took 'their' kid to snowboarding camp at Christmas last year). Now the only contact is when he calls. It is easier on everyone to just let it go and realise their dad will never change. It was really painful at first, but they have moved on and we are all doing much better. Sending you hugs.