DH just shocked the heck out of me!

**mustang80** · 03-03-2007, 12:50 PM

As some of you know the marching band is going to the Sugar Bowl in 2008. We are planning and fundraising to go on this trip for the first time.

One of the girls in the band is also a friend of DD15. She will be a senior next year, but her mom is getting married and she is moving out of the district. She will continue at Clearview, because she is a senior, but will be unable to go on the band trip because she can't stay in the marching band and live 45 minutes away. The practices and weekend competition/football schedule would be impossible to expect her to commute.

She is quite upset that her mom can't wait until she is out of school to get married and move away. Besides the fact that this awesome trip is coming up.

Fast forward to today. DD and I were talking about this dilemma and how it is a shame that she can't go on the trip or be in marching band her senior year.

DH suggested that she LIVE with us during band season so she can still be in the band and go on the trip! I am truly shocked by this, he doesn't even know this girl. I do because I chaperone all the band excursions, but wow. I guess we'll have to see if her mom will agree to this. That is so cool of him to offer that but DD and I are still in shock. We both said "who was that?" lol.

Anyone else ever have a situation where you had someone else's child live with you like this? Any suggestions? She is a good kid, no problems at all so I'm not expecting any.

Thanks ladies!

**dcompton** · 03-03-2007, 03:44 PM

No experience to help, but what an amazingly generous offer. Sounds like you married a gem. Unless, of course, his body has been taken over by an alien!

How does your DD feel about it?

**Laurie in Bradenton** · 03-03-2007, 04:00 PM

When I was in high school and our band went to europe in 1978 we had a two or three kids who moved in with other families during the course of the year because of moves. Families moved out of state but because the kids wanted to go on the trip they opted to move in with friends families to stay for the trip. I know it made a huge impact on these kids to have the chance to go on this trip.
God bless you for opening your heart and home to this child.

Laurie in Bradenton
Our band had 400 kids that went. I still have my gold metal and wear it with Pride.

**frugalfoster** · 03-03-2007, 10:17 PM

Okay this one I can answer. Yep, had a few extra kids in my day (and I'm not a foster parent). Everytime the school counselor called and asked, we did. There was 8 altogether. 5 foreign exchange kids (I didn't apply for) and 3 others who were having a hard time at home. Two of those kids lived with us for over 4 years, 1 became a nurse and the other is just going for an interview to do police work. I never was good with babies, but I loved having teens around, they're funny. So was it tough? Yep sometimes....was worth it?....ABSOLUTLEY....You do need to know that it is expensive though. The food and utility bills are going to rise. One year the school asked if we would take 2 foreign exchange kids at the same time. We did and they brought their friends to our house for many meals. We also had two very outgoing daughters with tons of friends themselves. Many nights there would be over 10 people sitting around our dinner table. One night alone we had Germany, Brazil, Yugoslavia, Sweden, and France represented. So here's how it'll go. You will have her come, and she'll bring others, prepare for that. My grocery bill back at the time I had the 2 exchange girls was over $800 a month and that was 7 or 8 years ago. My utility bills increased by 1/3. You might want to talk to her parents about some kind of compensation for having her. We never received any money for what we did, we considered it to be our cost alone since we agreed to take them. It was financially a strain at times, and it was worth every cent! Good luck I hope it works out for everyone involved!

**Libby** · 03-04-2007, 12:07 PM

Thats a wonderful idea by hubby who doesnt even know the girl! Hes very kind and yes I agree you're very lucky to have someone that welcoming!

Id check to see how DD feels about it first, check your budget and see if there's any room for it and make a deal even a lil bit of a contract for the parents to contribute monies for groceries and utilities - but not really rent, ya know? Plus they need to cover all extra expenses - medical, school trips, supplies etc. I think thats only fair to you and your family as well.

Sometimes our thoughts and gestures go beyond our means and leaves us stranded. Ive been there....just wanting to make sure you watch out for yourself and view this wonderful opportunity from all angles.

Let us know the outcome! I think itd be fun to have an exchange student or someone else like that in my home. The bonus is, you already know them well enough!

**acidcookie** · 03-04-2007, 12:54 PM

Do see how your DD honestly feels about this because I have been on the daughter's end on this one:

My best friend all through elementary, middle, and high school lived with her older brother as a legal guardian after middle school because her mom passed away (breast cancer) when we were 11, and her dad lived in California. When we were in 10th grade, her brother was going to move out of town so my mom agreed to let her live with us. We moved to a 3 bedroom apartment so we each had our own bedroom.

At first I thought it was really cool, but then after a while it was really irritating to have my friend around as if she were my sister and we didn't get along well anymore. My mom was feeling the cost and also didn't always appreciate the way she did things in the house based on how she was raised. I often had to defend my friend against my mom and my mom against my friend. In the end she moved in with her aunt which worked much better for all of us.

Of course, this was for a whole school year, and I'm guessing your situation will just be for a few months. Still, just a heads up since she's your daughter's friend and your husband doesn't really know her.

**annymoll** · 03-04-2007, 04:49 PM

I would be cautious about assuming the care of someones child.I would not consider it without first obtaining legal advice.What exactly would you be responsible for-should anything occur? I am assuming you would need some sort of limited guardianship- to protect yourself and to satisfy the school district.

**Mom23boys** · 03-04-2007, 08:33 PM

WOW! How generous of your DH to offer to let someone he doesn't even know live with his family.

No experience here.

**mustang80** · 03-05-2007, 06:31 AM

Originally Posted by annymoll

I would be cautious about assuming the care of someones child.I would not consider it without first obtaining legal advice.What exactly would you be responsible for-should anything occur? I am assuming you would need some sort of limited guardianship- to protect yourself and to satisfy the school district.

She has her own car and would be here part of the week and weekends. They have practice Monday and Wednesday, Friday football and Saturday competitions. Towards the end of the season there would be Sunday competitions too. The season begins with band camp in August and ends with championships in November. So it would be for about 3 months.

The nice part is she can just drive herself back and forth.

**Hollyhandi** · 03-05-2007, 06:48 AM

We had a friend of my DS's for his whole senior year. His mom was serving in Iraq.
The boys shared a bedroom. All we needed was love. treat them like your very own.
He lives in Hawaii now with his mom. He was here for 2 weeks in Dec. Its a great feeling.
Yes its different with someone else living with you and there is a little more expense, but it touches the child in many ways.

You shouldn't need a lawyer for anything. The most is if she gets hurt have her mother sign a paper that says you can have her treated at the DRs .

**annymoll** · 03-05-2007, 08:08 AM

Originally Posted by mustang80

She has her own car and would be here part of the week and weekends. They have practice Monday and Wednesday, Friday football and Saturday competitions. Towards the end of the season there would be Sunday competitions too. The season begins with band camp in August and ends with championships in November. So it would be for about 3 months.

The nice part is she can just drive herself back and forth.

I thought you meant she would be attending school during the week.Neighbors took a child in this fashion, now involved in a civil suit. ( They also had trouble with the school district the child was supposed to be attending.Kind thought on behalf of hubby though and the child seems to be a good kid. Be safe, have a great trip!

**frugalnana** · 03-05-2007, 04:44 PM

In my son's junior year he had a friend whose parents were divorcing. It was a nasty divorce. He needed a place to stay and we allowed him to live with us for a month. At that time his parents got their differences settled and he moved an hour away. He wanted to graduate with his friends so the last two months of his senior year he stayed with us again until graduation. He has since moved to florida and has a very good job.
Its really great that your husband would let this young lady stay with your family. He must be a gem.

Good luck and God bless

**geckoace** · 03-05-2007, 05:00 PM

i think your DH is great! i would have a convo with DD to make sure shes ok with it, but otherwise i think its a nice thing to do. when i was in high school a good friend of mine stayed with us quite often as we lived close to her job and school and she was bouncing from parent to grandparent at the time. it was a burden on my mom but she is a generous sort and took it all in stride