Am I a crazy person??!

[geckoace]

Background=
This summer my family (and extended fam) are packing up and going to Disney World! we rented a nice house with plenty to do (pool, game room, ...) and are splitting the cost between the 4 families that are going so it works out to cost us only 485 for the week. we have a kitchen so we will be eating most meals in and the only other expense is park admission. Now we ran into some tough times this year and had to replace a car and fix some other things and DH had to take a lower paying job for a few months. Things are on the upswing and since we started paying on this vacation last fall its all set. now we are still poor so we are driving down instead of flying.

fast forward to 2 months ago
my SIL and BIL in a car accident now she is afraid everyone is going to die and life is short, etc etc. So she decided to plan a family reunion so that everyone could see the grandparents before they die (are the sick? no) fine the problem in ITS IN JAMAICA. thats where DH is from. She wants us all to fly down to Jamaica and stay 5 days at an all inclusive resort!! its would cost us like 3000 to make this trip not to mention it is partially during our orlando trip so we would have to cut the prepaid trip short plus come up with 3000!

Now his family is not sick and he has never actually had a relationship with his grandparents he hasnt seen or talked to his grandmother in about 10 years and his grandfather barely acknowledged him last time he came to america. I am very family oriented but I just feel like this is a ridiculous request of us. His siblings all make big money and can afford this sort of thing but we are a single income family with other obligations that do not involve tropical vacations.
his sister has offerd to lend us some money but last time he borrowed $ from her she spent the next 5 years throwing it in his face.

Sorry this is so long but i need some objective opinions. help

[frugalfriend]

I wouldn't go! I would tell them you appreciate the offer but it is not something you can afford at this time. Don't let them push you into over extending yourself, you'll only regret it later. JMHO

[Darlene]

Is the first trip still on? I would send my regrets & not feel guilty about not going to Jamaica. I'm with you on not borrowing the money.

[FrugalMomof3]

I wouldnt go either, it's nice to have a family reunion BUT it shouldnt be one that's going to cost so much money either, especially if part of his side of the family dont even acknowlege him anyways. I say stay on course with your Florida trip and let the other family go to Jamaica.

Just because she and your BIL were in an accident doesnt mean you have to go and fork out so much money, if it were me I surely wouldnt go.

[julieb]

I wouldn't go and I wouldn't feel guilt about not going either. I would try to keep contact with the relatives there through mail. Sending pictures can mean alot and begin to open the line of communication. Explain you can't afford it now but perhaps in the future you could afford to come. If ever you do decide to visit perhaps then you won't be strangers.

IMHO
JulieB

[Ceashels]

I would send my apologies and regrets and not feel guilty. I agree that you shouldn't over extend yourself and place your family in a state of financial instability. I also would not borrow from any family member that would throw something like a loan back in your face for any reason!

Stick to your original plans, it will be less stressful and more fun.

[Tracy]

I would also send my regrets, and tell them you can't afford to go.
It sounds like this issue with your SIL and afraid everyone is going to die is something she needs to work out and should not expect the rest of the family to pay 3000 to do it.

[dcompton]

Why should you go? You have a "previous engagement." Tell them you're sorry, but you had already made these other arrangements. I'll bet they didn't consult you first on what would be a convenient time for you to come! If that doesn't pacify them, add that you can't afford it. Period.

No regrets, no guilt.

[IntlMom]

I agree with everyone else - I wouldn't go and wouldn;t feel guilty either! I don;t think that you mentioned what your dh wants to do. Does he want to go or not? I would not go, and would not feel bad............keep us posted!

[geckoace]

I have priced this trip out everywhich way from sunday but the cheapest i can figure is 2500 (not including taxes and surcharges not to mention we all 3 need passport and they would have to be expedited like 175 a piece!)

I don;t think that you mentioned what your dh wants to do. Does he want to go or not? I would not go, and would not feel bad............keep us posted!

DH is torn he feels like he should go but the financial hardship is weighing on him. He was all set to borrow money from his sister and i said flat out i am not going any where on her dime cause its not worth it at all.

His family members (who dont pay our bills) keep trying to convince him that it is worth the money which is pissing me off!. they call all the time and try to sway him. and that ticks me off cause when they were in their late 20s and trying to get established no one asked them to kick out 3K for a trip but now that they are older and established (DH is the baby) the money means nothing to them and they cant seem to understand our position.

I just feel like people who can't afford to fly to florida cannot a afford a tropical vacation

[Michelle68]

What a dilemma! I'm with everyone else, though. I definitely wouldn't go into debt and I would stick with your original plans. I think it's really unfair of his family to be pressuring y'all so much. They're not the ones who would be going into debt over this.

--Michelle

[crazyBMB]

I would have to feel the same a everyone else. Go on your vacation, as long it's not going to cost extra. Hey, if your not rich, your not rich.

[geckoace]

so yesterday my MIL yelled at my DH about not going, and told him that he never spends anytime with his family (true)

and that she is sick of just taking pictures back to Jamaica and that she would just pay for the whole trip (she only took him back 2 as a kid she has been 4 times since i have known her 5 years).

and she said well you didnt have a problem with me helping you when you needed a car (he was in accident and she gave us 1000 and said we didnt need to pay it back cause he never asks her for anything)

now DH feels like he needs to go and i feel like punching his mother in the face LOL

[pita1213]

i would stick with your original plans. if it's SO important to the inlaws that you dh spends some time with family, it can happen at another time. the world is not going to end 2 days after this trip they have planned. no one is dying of cancer or any other illness. the only sense of urgency i can see for the trip is the bee you sil has in her bonnet. you dh needs to come up with a firm answer to repeat every time one of them calls to harass (and it seems to have proggressed to harrassment) him about teh trip. something like, we have plans already taht we are not going to change. we can visit next year. or whatever. just something easy to remember. if teh answer is always teh same it has a better chance of getting through. if you hem and haw, they feel like they can break you down.

i had some issues with inlaws getting under my skin about things, and would just say teh same thing over and over. easiest example, which is nothing compared to your issue, was teh placement of our freezer in OUR house. mil thought it should go on a different wall. kept bugging me to move it. kept telling her that's where dh wants it. i swear i said taht's where dh wants it 20 times in the course of a 5 minute conversation, but she eventually figured out i wasn't going to change it and she shut up about it.

for you guys, it's gonna take longer tan a 20 minute conversation, but it can help save your sanity by not having to think what you are going to say everytime they call. HTH