What Would You Do Differently if Anything?

**MrsClaus** · 05-02-2007, 12:38 AM

If you were in your late 30's and you learned your husband had an illness where after diagnosis his life expectancy was 10 to 15 more years, what if anything would you do differently in your life?

**KrieBabie** · 05-02-2007, 01:29 AM

I think it would definately make me a better person. To put one's immortality right in front of your eyes gives a whole new meaning to living every day to it's fullest.

I think it would give me strength. Instead of sitting around depressed about things not going right...it would make me prioritize what's important. I don't think I'd find myself being 'too tired' or 'not feeling well' as much as I do now. To me, right now seems to be lasting forever...to someone with a terminal diagnosis, right now is too precious to be tired or not feeling well.

Anyways...Don't look at it in the worst ways. Take advantage of your time together. And remember that it's really just a part of life...who promised you that you would wake up in the morning? Let alone 10-15 years from now.

You and your family are in my prayers.

Heather

**jamie79** · 05-02-2007, 07:57 AM

Live your lives to the fullest while you are able. Enjoy your time and dont sweat the small stuff

**DJ1972** · 05-02-2007, 08:02 AM

Interesting question. My husband's mother has Huntington's Chorea, which means he has a 50% chance of having it. He hasn't been tested yet, but has one sister that has and she has it also. So, that is always in the back of our minds.
The one thing I am trying to do, even though we don't know if he will have it, is to get healthier. I need to lose a chunk of weight, I am the only female in my family that is not diabetic....yet. My kids need us for as long as possible, and since DH can't control whether he has inherited Huntington's, I can control, or at least better my chances, of having a longer life.
Also, I think the cliche, "Don't sweat the small stuff", applies. So many people spend their whole lives focused on retirement and never make it there. We all need to remember that each day is a gift and treat it as such.

**TheRootedNomad** · 05-02-2007, 08:16 AM

Originally Posted by KrieBabie

I think it would definately make me a better person. To put one's immortality right in front of your eyes gives a whole new meaning to living every day to it's fullest.

I think it would give me strength. Instead of sitting around depressed about things not going right...it would make me prioritize what's important. I don't think I'd find myself being 'too tired' or 'not feeling well' as much as I do now. To me, right now seems to be lasting forever...to someone with a terminal diagnosis, right now is too precious to be tired or not feeling well.

Anyways...Don't look at it in the worst ways. Take advantage of your time together. And remember that it's really just a part of life...who promised you that you would wake up in the morning? Let alone 10-15 years from now.

You and your family are in my prayers.

Heather

Well said!!! Everyday is a gift. We need to remember to balance living today with living responsibly for tommorrow. Knowing how long tomorrow will last would difinately shift the balance for me ... and in some ways has. However medical science is always developing and what is predicted today for tomorrow might not happen for a year....so it is always a balance.

**geckoace** · 05-02-2007, 09:04 AM

i think we would get out the list of 100 things to do before you die ( i have one but it only has like 15 things on it LOL) and start doing them, we would spend more time together and worry less about nonsense. i would do everything in the live like you were dying song. so that in the end we would be ready to let go knowing nothing was left unsaid

**sunshine** · 05-02-2007, 09:29 AM

Well . . . we actually were told, one MONTH after my dh's 30th birthday, that he had less than 5 years to live. He was diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease).

It definitely makes you realize what's important. We did/do a lot more traveling. We'd take the kids out of school, if dh was feeling good, and I was off work. We bought our farm and house in the country. We slowed down -- I quit working 3 jobs, and spent more time at home.

We've been fortunate. He's still alive and doing fairly well -- 15 years later.

**Lady_V** · 05-02-2007, 09:36 AM

Well, here is what I would do... I tend to be a bit unorthodox about things, especially when it comes to death. Death is a celebration, not a time of sadness. Well, I suppose those left behind do grieve, but in time, even that eases and it's not the pain or grief over the lost loved one, but the fun memories OF them...

So... I'd start making memories!

Yes, I would still make sure that financially things will be able to continue during and after the 'timeline'. Not willing to go in to poverty in to it, but, if I had a huge house, do I need a huge house? Can a medium house do? One that has less physical and financial obligations? What can I do in my life to give me some elbow room?

Always wanted to go to Italy? Ireland? Brooklyn? Do it. I have already started the memory line with my DD... I have taken her places, done things with her... took TONS of pics... and... I wrote her a living diary.

Long after I am gone, she will have the living diary. It's just for her, with memories of MY childhood, my adulthood, my parenthood, the little things she did to make me smile, random advice, drawings, pictures, etc.

So, if I had 10-15 years left (since I am unmarried) I would simply... make the memories that last more than a lifetime.

**tigo** · 05-02-2007, 09:54 AM

We have had too many folks in my family die at a young age so we have always tried to balance planning for the future and living in the now. I try to view each day as the only one I have so when you come over to my place you will find it tidy but cluttered and not spotless, but you will find me with the kids and SO. I don't think I would change much except my point of view. By that I mean, we assume I will be the one to go first with all the health issues. Would be weird to think he may go first.

**julieb** · 05-03-2007, 07:25 PM

My first husband died 16 yrs after we met. We knew when we met he had Lupus and the drs told us he had 15 yrs. What wonderful memories we made! We went camping and fishing and traveled when we could. Every chance we got we played cards or visited with his parents. We seldom fought because everything else seemed so trivial. I got very close to his mom because we were the women who loved him. His mom and I are still close.

It is hard to explain really. I don't know how to explain to be honest. Somedays the emotion is still so raw, other days I am fine.

I am remarried now and I love my husband and love our life together, but still, I go to my first husbands grave often and just think.

There are things I wish I would have done differently. I wish I would have talked to him more about his death. He was on a ventilator briefly and recovered enough to come home. He saw family and friends. I often wonder if he should have been put on the ventilator in the first place. I don't know. I didn't know his wishes. We were so young when we first found out, we didn't think. You get caught up in care of your loved one and dealing with familiy.

I signed the DNR but really, we should of both had a living will. I think I made the right decisions for him but I have days of self doubt. His mother and I made the decisions together. She gave birth to him and loved him, differently, but loved him as much as I did.

I think overall I wouldn't have changed a thing about our life together. We were happy.