How do I deal with my sil now ?

[Dancing Lotus]

First let me tell you about my brother. MY Brother is a good man, he has always worked hard for his family and taken good care of them. He and my sil were married right out of high school. Nine months later they had a new baby boy. My brother is in the air force and they have been in Alaska for 6 yrs. He is getting out of the air force in October and really wanted to move back to Florida and be near family. My sil doesnt want to move and yesterday we all found out why. She has a boyfriend . My brother is upset and just wanted to talk to me. Apparently she wants to move out and the worst part is she doesnt want to take her own child with her. I am so disapointed in her.
So my brother is going to sell his house and move home with his son.I told him he can stay with me as long as he needs.
Im angry with sil but I dont want to put my foot in my mouth latter so what do I say to my brother? My mom is upset and I dont know how to deal with her either. I am so sad that at only 25 my brother is going to be a single parent and have to start his life over. He will have to come here and find a job. I was thinking about going to work myself but I guess it would be better if I didnt so that I could help him with his boy. OH- my poor nephew , his mother is just going to leave him.

[Mamaw]

The same situation happened in my family. BIL and his son moved back home and stayed with MIL for about a year. It is difficult to say the least. BIL ended up meeting another lovely woman and remarried. His son unfortunately, has numerous issues and is consistantly in some kind of trouble. The best advise I have for you is....say nothing bad about your SIL. It will eventually, somehow, get to the little boy and make him feel terrible. Plus your brother needs your love and support and any negative words only hurt him too. Just let them know you are there to help and that you love them both. Best of luck to you and both of them. I hope it all works out for the best. You are a wonderful sister to be willing and ready to step in and help out! God Bless

[Nada.Leona]

I got married very young too, to the wrong man, and didn't end up meeting the love of my life til after I'd been married and miserable for nearly eight years. I too am sad to hear that your brother's marriage is breaking up like this, and I do wish that things had worked out for them. But having been on the "other side" of this sort of situation (though and I didn't mess around or anything, we weren't dating, we were best friends who fell in love) I can tell you that everything happens for a reason. This may just be an opportunity for your brother to meet the woman of his dreams and create a new and better life for both himself and his son. My ex's step-brother had a son of his own and after getting rid of his son's psychotic mother, he met the most wonderful, good hearted woman who loves his son and became the mother his son deserved to have.

It's okay to be angry and feel betrayed by your SIL right now. But really you shouldn't say anything negative towards her. You don't know every detail of how the relationship was. I'm certainly not saying your brother was a bad husband or father, don't get me wrong. My ex-husband was not a bad man either -- he wasn't abusive or hostile or evil in any way. I'm just saying that it's quite possible that your SIL discovered too late that your brother wasn't the right one for her. It happens, because that's what happened to me -- my ex-husband just was not willing or capable of being the man I wanted and needed him to be. It hurts to hear, I know, and trust me, it hurts to say it too. And I hope that your SIL gave it a good, honest try before she moved on (though she should've moved on after a seperation/divorce instead of jumping into the fire with both feet soaked in kerosene).

If I were you, my role in this situation would be the comforter and the listener. Listen to your brother and your mother vent their frustrations. Don't snap random bad things about your SIL. And certainly don't ever let your poor nephew hear any negative comments about his mother, but I'm sure you already know that.

In a situation like this, the best and most supportive thing you can do and be is a comforter and a listener. Be there to greet him with a big smile and a happy hug when he walks off the plane. Don't look somber and sad. This is a chance for a new life for both he and your nephew, and it could be a fantastic one if it's looked at the right way.

I hope I haven't offended you. I just wanted to give you a view from the other side. I understand your frustration, but I can comfortably say your SIL is probably very sad that this is the way her first marriage went as well.

NOTE: I'm not commenting on the fact that she doesn't want to keep her son around because on this one, I have no real input. My ex and I (thank the Goddess!) didn't have children to have to battle over.

[Cricket1]

I agree with the other ladies--I wouldn't say a thing. Not even because of the son, but what would happen if some how, someday, they worked it all out. Then all of those nasty things that you said would be out there.

[DixieJ]

I agree with the others in not saying anything, just be a good listener. What a great sister you are to be there for your brother. I hope He finds happiness in the future.

Dixie Jean

[Mom23boys]

I agree with everyone else---try not to say anything bad about your SIL. It will only make it harder on your brother and nephew.

[ubumartin]

What a great thing to be able to help your brother and your nephew. Your support will be needed throughout and your positive attitude towards the situation will be needed. Your brother already knows the negatives, he needs to look toward the future and the needs of his son and happiness will find him.

[Dancing Lotus]

Okay now Im really pissed. It turns out after some more talking, that she really isnt leaving becuase of the new boyfriend. She is leaving becuase she doesn't want her child. She flat out told my brother she didnt want to be a mother and doesnt want "a family" becuase family life is boreing. This kid is almost 6 and she just now realized she doesnt want kids! I could just spit in her face. But you are all right it wont do my nephew any good to say negative things about his mom. I wont speak ill of her or too her, I'll just take this as an oppertunity to be the best aunt in the world.
She moved out today and told my brother that she doesnt want anything. He is going to get papers as soon as possible and put his house on the market. I am so crushed for him. He really didnt see any of this comeing. He said that she hasnt been acting any different and she didnt even seam upset when she told him all of this.


Thanks everyone- I wasnt offened by anybody. ITs always good to see things form the other side. Im not upset with her for falling out with my brother I'm upset with the way she handled it and mostly Im sick about her abandoning her son. Im just sitting here in tears thinking about that little boy.

[jamie79]

Well if she doesnt want her child then her child will be better off without her. The poor thing will not understand that though till he is much older. You will be a great female in his life and I know he will be surronded by people who love him

[miss_thrifty]

bbiigg hhhugggsss dear first of all.
Some people wernt meant to be mothers , some are. sounds like she was in denial for a long time and now is just being hateful about it. I feel for the kid, but making sure little ears dont pick up anything when they move home. otherwise he'll think its his fault , god love him. I have friend who has adopted kids and their mother didnt give 2 sweet toots about them. Now their happy and in her care and hubbys care. Not saying they wernt messed up some by the time she legally got them.
But with time and lots of love your nephew and brother will find happiness, and will come at the best time when he's ready for it. God gives us what we can handle. And when it doesnt happen the way it should go, and as they say the curve ball, we can bounce back.
hhuuggsss

[Edna_E]

Sounds like its better for everyone concerned if she recognizes her disinterest sooner than later. While it is sad that her son will be raised without the influence of a loving and involved mother, it is GREAT that he will be raised without the influence of a resentful and disinterested mother. As a single parent, I know it can be done (not easily) by a parent who cares to focus on parenting rahter than on dating and looking for another mate. It sounds like your bro may be one of the people who can do so, and you never know when another partner may show up when you're not looking :-0

[Darlene]

I'm sorry this is happening and glad that your niece will have other people to love her to pieces.
Make sure your brother gets himself a good lawyer to cover his butt. She says she wants nothing now but she may change her mind when someone else comes along. Get it all in writing and on the books.

[lwlynch]

My sentiments exactly, get a lawyer and make sure he gets full custody, so that he doesn't have to start shipping the baby back and forth, when the mother gets a wim to be a mother again. It is better for all. I wish your brother the best of luck. Like my mother (who is 80) says... Just love them a little bit more and it will all work out. Good luck and keep us up to date with the progress.

[Katybird]

Oh my, what a sad situation. I am so sorry for your brother and your nephew. It sounds like they are both going to be better off without her and they will have a great support system in your family.

I am not as nice as my frugal sisters...I hope that mommie dearest makes an appointment with a gyn soon and gets an irreversable sterilization because she certainly does not deserve to be a mother. It would be a pity to see her bring another child into the world and just decide that she did not want it after 6 years. What a big loser she is.

Your brother and nephew are in my prayers.

[Holly]

Truthfully. I have a ex SIL that I completely ignore.
She's not married to my brother any more so she's not important to my life.
She was a decent mother when my nephew was alive but that it.
Now she's just a person on the street.