Do you tell people about the way you live?

**Amanda W** · 07-04-2007, 03:56 PM

Recently, I was having lunch with a girlfriend, and she started talking about how things are different than they were 30 years ago and how both parents have to work to get buy. Mind you, these are people who buy each buy brand new cars every two years, have snowmobiles, 4-wheelers, take fancy vacations, etc. Then, I was at our neighborhood dog park with our next door neighbors (a very nice retired couple who we are relatively close to) and their son-in-law. They started talking about how everyone has a car payment, and that it just isn't possible not to. She even mentioned that their son had talked about saving up to buy a car in cash, and that she thought it was silly and only very rich people could do that.

I wanted to pipe in and preach the wonders of Dave Ramsey, David Bach, Your Money or Your Life, frugality, and voluntary simplicity. I wanted to explain the way I shop loss leaders and coupon. I wanted to tell them how mad I was when I realized the lengths companies go to to force consumerism down our throats and how I completely bought into it in the past.

But instead I kept quiet. I guess I was afraid of being overbearing. My manner of speaking is rather confrontational (even when I don't intend for it to be), and I didn't want to make anyone uncomfortable. It did make me think about the fact that people probably think DH and I are in much worse financial shape than we are because we don't have nice cars or all the other "toys" that so many people we know have.

What do you do in situations like that?

**lottaLove** · 07-04-2007, 04:26 PM

Yes, I do tell people about the way we live. I am proud of the fact that we have a plan. I am proud of the deals I get at the grocery store, or the clothing bargains, and I am not ashamed to tell people about them. I think some people feel embarrassed, thinking that if they bargain shop or make an EF, or drive an older car, it will make them look less well off. I would much rather feel good about my financial situation and happy with where we are than try to keep up appearances for the nosy neighbours down the road

Most times when I tell people, they ask how we do it rather than turning up their noses. Besides, if it was the nose turning kinda person I was talking to, then I guess we wouldn't be friends for much longer anyways.

**Laurie in Bradenton** · 07-04-2007, 05:00 PM

I'm known for having the tack of a tank! I sometimes don't know when to stop. I've been known to point out all the ways people live and spend poorly. Usually its really bad when the person has cried to me about how they can't do something and I can. DH has even been known to put his hand on my arm and stop me because I can get down right ugly. So its nice to know someone out there can hold their tongue.

Laurie in Bradenton

**baxjul** · 07-04-2007, 05:15 PM

I tell everyone! Especially when they say they can't afford, whatever!

**Drgnfly423** · 07-04-2007, 06:17 PM

I do tell people when they ask. I also hate the myth that we all have to be consumers and spend, spend, spend. The more people know that there is an alternative way to live, the better. Plus, it's not half bad to live the way we do!

**pita1213** · 07-04-2007, 06:36 PM

most people don't ask. i don't talk about money with my neighbors much because it would fall on deaf ears. they think i'm odd enough as it is. i have one friend that i walk with in the mornings that is frugal. we'll talk about finding good deals on stuff, and what has gone up in price. though she and her dh are the ones driving the used cars while i have the new one so she's got me beat there.

i just try to avoid those conversations when i know it's not gonna do any good and just get me worked up. if they are genuinly interested i'll share.

**AheeK** · 07-04-2007, 06:42 PM

I'm extremely non-confrontational by nature, so unless someone asks me, I don't volunteer information. I love talking frugality and ways to save money with people who share the same views as me, but I get very frustrated trying to explain myself to chronic spenders.

**jamie79** · 07-04-2007, 07:22 PM

Well most of the people I know are like everyone else and have debt. That being said some you can speak with and they want to get rid of itand are working on getting rid of it, and another couple says that they will always be poor, always have been poor and nothing will change that. We have spoken about changing behaviors but they have not changed their behaviors,.

**frugalandsimple** · 07-04-2007, 07:31 PM

Do talking to people online count? I do ocassioanlly if it's brought up in a thread that I'm interested in or I start one.

I don't really have any close friends offline to talk to.

**Telephus44** · 07-04-2007, 07:44 PM

Yes, but I try and do it in a way that it's too "preachy" - I am somewhat of a closet anti-consumerism evangelical, and I'd love to convert everyone else - but there's no point in going on about being frugal and saving money if people aren't really listening, or even worse think that I'm guilt-tripping them about their money. I don't want anyone to think that I have an "I'm better than you because I save my money and live frugally" attitude - so I try and temper it. But I do tell people - if I can cause someone to stop and at least think about it, then maybe it's one more person who might someday step off the consumerist treadmill.

**claimsgirl66** · 07-04-2007, 08:04 PM

I went on a similar rant

here the other day. I hear ya.... I have a bunch of co-workers/friends who see me taking snacks to work in margarine tubs and openly saying I am on a budget .....and most are of the same mind. I do not make apologies for saying one of my New Years Resolutions was to pay down some debt ,save some $$$....and also try to recycle more. I have found saying something with a smile always makes a conversation more pleasant.

I do know which people it is not worth me talking about saving money and creating less waste...and just smile to myself and bite my tongue. I guess one good thing of getting older, ahem, is you care less what others think.

**FrugalMomof3** · 07-04-2007, 08:35 PM

I like this thread, I have had my mom say I am just being cheap but I really dont care, the one lady from the bethlehem city rehabilitation department, said I should teach a class on being frugal, it's funny because I asked "Will I get paid" and she said... "Well they are trying to be frugal and save money so I would assume not!" we just started laughing although I do agree I should teach a class because I can be super frugal when times are really hard... like now.

**rebecca** · 07-05-2007, 04:21 AM

Yes, I tell people at work about the way I live. Some of them have asked me how I do it. I will tell them some of the things I do and to pay yourself first. When they hear I put up $100 every two weeks all I hear is that I couldn't do that. Mind you these are people who make much more than I do. I don't say anything just give them suggestions and let them make up their minds on what they want to do.

**wanderlusting** · 07-05-2007, 04:31 AM

I tried talking about it to friends but they weren't interested. So now I keep my frugal talking to FV.

**annymoll** · 07-05-2007, 07:21 AM

Most of our friends are interested in making their money work for them so they save and invest. They shop quality over quantity.They work at getting the most value for their money, the most bang for the buck. I think we are on the same page, but we do not discuss day to day finances.I seem to hear the most complaint from the most wasteful.I avoid those types.