need some advice REALLY REALLY BAD!!!

**homemaker66** · 07-25-2007, 07:11 AM

Oh, Boy where to start I guess. My DH walked out on me about a month ago and he let me know last night that he is going to stop his check from going into the checking account. This means he is not going to help pay the bills. As far as I am concern he can worry about the bills which is in his name and I will take the ones in mine. I guess the kicker is that I have had my own cleaning business which was our play money on the weekends but not enough to hold everything together. I have supported his career and was the wife who kept the home front going. I did not have to worry about making a whole bunch of money until now. My head feels like it is in a fog in the last month.So I guess what I am asking is what steps do I need to take so I can keep the home. I can't afford to buy him out sort of speaking. I am going to a job interview this morning to pick up some more money. I guess that I am going to let my car go back to the bank and that will be one less payment and get something cheap.What would you do in this situation?? What steps do I need to do?? I guess if there was a lesson in this I learned never put our career on hold and always be prepared for the rug to pulled underneath of you no matter how solid your marriage is. We we doing great until a month or two ago.Sorry for be so long. What should I do??

**baronmom** · 07-25-2007, 07:24 AM

The only problem I see with letting your car go back to the bank, is unless you have money to buy a car out right, you may not be able to get one. If you do, it will be at a super high interest rate. A repo doesn't look good on credit. I can see selling the car if you don't owe more than it is worth and taking that money to get a different car. Quite frankly, if I could, I would keep my car, unless as I said, you owe less than its worth. Best of luck with your situation. I hope things work out for you.

**Darlene** · 07-25-2007, 07:51 AM

I'd get thee to a lawyer asap, you may be on better ground than you think. Someone I know who also lives in NY was pleasantly surprised about how things really stood. She's going to be "alright" and so will you. Hang on!
Sorry you are going through this.

**PrairieRose** · 07-25-2007, 08:15 AM

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this

I totally agree with Darlene. I think he may actually owe you spousal support until a divorce is final and then depending on your state laws, alimony. Run, do not walk to a good lawyer. Don't make any decisions about letting your car go back just yet, talk to him first.

**frugalfarmwife** · 07-25-2007, 08:23 AM

I agree with talking to a lawer before you do ANYTHING!

Our neighbors husband walked out on her and three kids, when it all came out in court it ends up he had a girlfriend he left for, the judges SLAMMED him with BIG TIME spousal support for 2 years when it all came to light along with child support, and she had been working part time!

So investigate everything going on, talk to a lawyer and don't get rid of the car just yet!

Oh, and a big hug to you, men, sigh.

kj

**baxjul** · 07-25-2007, 08:25 AM

I agree with Darlene! Get yourself to a lawyer. You'll be okay.

**pkellyc** · 07-25-2007, 10:38 AM

I would call a lawyer. I know friends who are able to stay in their homes until the children leave home and then the house is sold.
You also might want to contact your local displaced homemakers association for help. Here is the link for NY.
http://www.labor.state.ny.us/workfor...hpcenters.shtm

Hugs and prayers for you. I know how hard a divorce can be.

**Buckeye5** · 07-25-2007, 10:49 AM

LAWYER FIRST STOP!!!! Now then, I am so sorry that this happened. Is there any chance of marriage couseling or maybe a legal separation?? If you have only been having marital problems for a month or two, maybe things can be fixed?? If not, go with your lawyaers advice, do not do anything with the car until you have had counseling from a divorce lawyer. You need to protect yourself immediately. DOn't be quick to give in to your DH, Empower yourself today!! It is your life, and when your a SAHM, and this happens, your world is going to drasitcally change, economically and socially. Love yourself enough to protect yourself!!!! Quit reading this post, and go to the yellow pages or call a friend who may know a good lawyer, and CALL!!!

**Luv2BeFrugal** · 07-25-2007, 12:52 PM

I agree...lawyer up! First things first! Second...get some chocolate...

Sending hugs and prayers your way...let us know how you're doing...

**Jerseygirl** · 07-25-2007, 01:22 PM

Yeah, what they said!!!!!! ALIMONY!!!

**ktsmama** · 07-25-2007, 01:22 PM

I am so sorry that you are going through this. We are here for you and you will make it through this.

Please, Please, Please go see a lawyer. I did not and we "worked things out" on our own. I was way too nice and now he is living high on the hog and I am certainly not. Please make him take responsibility for himself and the situation he has put you in.

Good luck!

**DixieJ** · 07-25-2007, 01:31 PM

I'm sorry you're having to go through this. I agree with the others, I would not make any decisions until after seeing an attorney.

Dixie Jean

**annymoll** · 07-25-2007, 01:32 PM

I am sorry to hear that your DH walked out on your marriage. I can understand that people can fall out of love, or feel they have no choice but to leave a relationship yet I think it is unfair to spring something like that upon anyone.( Man or woman) I know in your previous posts you had stated that your cleaning business was , until fairly recently, full time and that you had employeed two assistants. Can you bump your business back up to full time? There is always a demand for a good quality professional cleaning business, and it sounds as if you are very good at it.There is such satisfaction from knowing that you can rise to the occasion and make it, if you so choose. I have every faith in you, and your ability. I would speak with an attorney for financial advice.Hang in there.

**Mom23boys** · 07-25-2007, 01:43 PM

Please visit a lawyer ASAP! A good friend, who is also a co-worker of mine, went through a divorce last year. When he left in August, she sought out an attorney and filed for legal separation. By doing so, she was able to get temporary child support and alimony which helped pay all the bills that she could not. They had two vehicles. One was paid for and one wasn't. When they went to court, her lawyer asked for the one that was paid for, eventhough it was older, she knew she would not be worrying about car payments. She also ended up with the house. The way they worked it out in the divorce decree was that she would get the house and he could keep his retirement. Otherwise, she would have ended up with half his retirement. He agreed because he didn't want to give it to her. When the divorce became final, he ended up paying her child support and spousal support and she ended up with the hosue! He has to pay her spousal support for 3 years or until she marries again, which she said she isn't going to do!!

I will keep you in my prayers!

**Lady_V** · 07-25-2007, 01:46 PM

I am sorry that your life hit the revolving door and your head is still spinning

First - call lawyer, or go directly to the county family probate court yourself and get the forms to file ... all courts have a 'lawyer of the day' who can help you fill out the needed forms. The first thing you want to do is FREEZE all accounts and activities!!!

If you don't... any debt HE rings up between now and any future proceedings, is JOINT. Freezing accounts keeps him from charging up the credit cards, or selling the house or possessions. I had a pretty decent divorce, but my friend was not so lucky, she stood and waited, and he took an equity loan on the house.

If you have a cleaning business, and it is your form of income, however small, I would try to keep the car. Try calling the loan company. They are human, although they try to forget that fact. You can re-finance the loan, which will extend the loan date, but lower the payments.