Not feeling right about going back to work

**GFNancy** · 08-29-2007, 07:47 PM

I've been planning on going back to work - medical transcription, but something just hasn't felt right about it. I mean really not right. Which doesn't make logical sense at all. It's been driving me nuts.

Money, even a little bit, will make a huge difference for us right now. We've been eating through our savings because we're so overbudget with our spending. Then for months I was in denial about how bad things were so it just got worse and worse. I wasn't going on spending sprees or anything, but I wasn't watching sales or anything. And I'd go get a pedi every couple months.

We might be able to squeek by if I keep the pursestrings super-tight. Might. But I'm not even sure about that at this point.

My husband has been doing great at keeping an eye on his spending. I was worried about this because it usually takes him much longer to get out of denial about anything resembling a financial hole.

So I've been praying to figure out what this nagging feeling is that is keeping me from wanting to go back to work.

I realized what it was today.

For the entire time we've been married, whenever we start being able to just relax a little and not worry so much about money, he'd want to buy a new car, or move to a new house or something. And then I'd have to start stressing about paying bills again.

You've got to understand my husband. Whenever there's a spare nickel, he wants to spend a dollar and finance 95 cents. He doesn't nickel and dime like I do, which adds up in its own way. He goes to big dollar, and monthly payment spending.

Here's my husband's list of future projects that he talks about all the time:

- My husband and his dad and BIL have been talking about going in together and getting a boat. Even though my husband has like NO spare time and we could probably barely use it.

- He's also been wanting to trade in my perfectly good, paid off 2004 minivan (which I love) and get a big old honkin' SUV. (?!?)

- Completely remodel the kitchen.

- Completely redo and upgrade our heating and air system.

- Put an addition on the house.

- Resurface the pool.

- New filtering system for the pool

- Build a pool house.

- Get his eyes lasered.

- Buy new furniture.

- Get some sort of something or other for his car (?)

- Get a new truck.

- Get a hot tub.

- And a partridge in a pear tree...

The truth is that I don't trust him with the extra money. I don't want to get stuck working. I don't mind working just to get us through this rough patch. But if I start working and the money gets less tight around here, he will buy or finance something else and then I'll have to work to pay for HIS new toy.

So now at least I've figured out why I've been so resistant to going back to work. Everything makes sense now...

I'm not sure what I'm going to do about it though.

I'm thinking about seeing how things go this month before I make a decision.

I'm going to pray a lot too.

Anyone else have a hubby who is a big spender?

Nancy

**baxjul** · 08-30-2007, 07:36 AM

Mine used to be, but he has finally seen the light! He always wanted me to work, all the time. Finally, I said no, quit my job, and he realizes we are better off with me not working. I have a small daycare in my home, and that is okay with him. It pays for the groceries, and a few extras.

**FrugalMomof3** · 08-30-2007, 07:52 AM

Mine also used to be and I just say "We dont have the money for that and I am not using a CC for it!" He would understand and either save up to buy it or forget about it completely.

Now he doesnt even ask for much and if he does it's usually something to better the house or us but nothing fancy like new electronics or the such.

I've taught him well and he an I dont want to get stuck in a HUGE hole like we were before, we both have done complete 360's when it comes to spending.

**ktsmama** · 08-30-2007, 09:05 AM

My ex was and that is part of the reason we are no longer married. Not saying that you shouldn't be married!!! I just got so sick and tired of him spending every spare penny we had and like you said financing everything to the max. At the time he did not even know what a retirement account was and I was not going to go on with the rest of my life worried about money.

I agree with continuing to pray about the situation. I hope that things work out for the best!

**pip** · 08-30-2007, 09:57 AM

Yup. My hubby frequently has grandiose ideas of spending. He is a good provider, but it wears me out. I just am not a spender. I don't need to spend and frankly it's overwhelming to think of more STUFF to clutter and complicate things. There have been times when he can't stand his job and there is the threat of his just quitting. I have felt a wave of panic and thinking that I should then rush out and get a full time job. Then I think and realize that I could never make enough $ to support his spending habits and I just wait it out. So far, he settles down and doesn't quit. My dad even once gave me advice that I shouldn't rush to work full time to encourage him to quit, lol.
Wish you luck. Hard, isn't it?

**sdrjeolsen** · 08-30-2007, 10:14 AM

Mine used to be, but is pretty good now, especially about day to day random spending. However, he does still like to buy big ticket items at the most inconvenient times if he thinks he has a reason...any reason. We just bought a new jeep to replace our perfectly good paid for 2001 minivan because we bought a home in the foothills and we "needed" 4WD to get around. So in July, we bought the new vehicle to get around in the snow. And to top it off, we live in a "Banana Belt" which is an area that only sees 9" of snow a year. But there was no talking him out of it because...the van needed new tires...huh?? Well, no way I was going to make car payments on top of the new mortgage, so we took a chunk out of savings (our incase of job loss money) to pay for it and started to build the savings all over again...and the van, it still sits in the driveway, hasn't been driven for almost 2 months. I feel your pain, lol. He's a wonderful guy, but it does scare me when he wants to spend it in such huge chunks at one time. I think it's because he negotiates multi-million dollar deals in his line of work that this is now a small amount in his eyes, he tells me to think bigger. In 3 years he will admit it was an emotional decision, but it's kinda too late by then, lol. Now he wants a tractor to blade the drive. I think we could hire it done every snowstorm for the next 40 years and still come out ahead. what to do?

**boogiemum** · 08-30-2007, 10:43 AM

Mine used to be, but he has come around in the last 6 months or so. Now he is like me, trying to find ways to save a buck. It took me 7 years to convert him, but I did it!

**DAAC3DEC** · 08-30-2007, 11:02 AM

Mine is over the top, I feel your pain.........

**StartingOver** · 08-30-2007, 01:12 PM

My hubby was that way as well when I left the finances and check book in his hands.

I totally had my head in the sand about our finances and I didn't want to deal with paying the bills and stressing out about money. It was like a "Out of sight...Out of mind" type of thing.

Since then I've taken back control. I now have the checkbook, and I pay all the bills. I took away his credit card and he gets an "allowance" for the week.

I think he realized we were in deep do-do after I showed him the bills versus what he was bring home......new job = less pay

The light went on for him.

**GFNancy** · 08-30-2007, 07:26 PM

Yea, I'm just glad now that at least ONE of us has gotten our head out of the sand.

I think I'm going to plan to go back to work part-time only. Just subcontracting. I'm not even going to try and get a big account like I used to have. We really do need the money, but I just have to watch it and make sure he doesn't think this is a free-for-all.

Nancy