Any English teachers or great English students?

[emily_hope]

My DD18 is writing a paper for English. She asked me to read over and correct any mistakes I saw. So... in this sentence:

Authors who use details in their stories allow the stories to become more realistic, which can engross the readers; therefore, allowing the readers to become aware of how different obstacles are affecting the characters and making it seem as if the readers are being affected as well.

At therefore, should the beginning of the sentence end at readers and therefore be the beginning of a new sentence? Or is the semicolon after readers the correct way to write it. I am not good at English at all as you can probably tell. Thanks for any help.

[IntlMom]

ok - my brain hurts now after trying to follow that sentence.....not that it's a bad sentence, I am sure it's great....I am just that foggy!

[Kabocha Girl]

Okay, so this might be too late, but this is how I would change it:

Authors who use details allow their stories to become more realistic which engrosses readers and allows them to become aware of how different obstacles are affecting the characters, making it seem as if the readers are being affected as well.

Hope this helps!

[mommy4ever]

Authors who use details in their stories allow the stories to become more realistic, which can engross the readers; therefore, allowing the readers to become aware of how different obstacles are affecting the characters and making it seem as if the readers are being affected as well.

It seems overly wordy. And perhaps a little confusing. There are 2 thoughts in the sentence, so perhaps 2 would be easier to follow. i can write good when I wanna, but internet allows me to be lazy most of the time..lol.

Authors use details in their writing to give realism to their story. These details allow(or perhaps entice) a reader to become aware of and even personally feel the effects of the various obstacles afflicting the characters.

[pita1213]

i would split it into 2 sentences but just splitting it at therefore would make the second part a fragment. therefore should be changed to this so it has a subject.

[justpeachy92]

Though wordy and not sure if I like the sentence without reading the rest of the paper, her grammar is correct.

[McD]

Instead of this:

Authors who use details in their stories allow the stories to become more realistic, which can engross the readers; therefore, allowing the readers to become aware of how different obstacles are affecting the characters and making it seem as if the readers are being affected as well.

Try something like this:

Authors who use details in their stories allow the stories to become more realistic, which can engross the readers. By catching the interest (attention) of the reader, it allows he or she to become aware how different obstacles are affecting the characters and allows the reader to emphasize with them.

[nuisance26]

~I don't believe this sentence is grammatically correct. A semicolon is used to seperate two or more independent clauses. The second 'clause' of her sentence cannot stand alone. There is also a problem with verb tense. Using "affecting" (present tense) and "affected"(past tense) in one sentence isn't correct.~

"Authors who use details in their stories allow the stories to become more realistic, which can engross the readers; therefore, allowing the readers to become aware of how different obstacles are affecting the characters and making it seem as if the readers are being affected as well."

[Amanda W]

~ There is also a problem with verb tense. Using "affecting" (present tense) and "affected"(past tense) in one sentence isn't correct.~

Isn't the verb in that instance "being" which is present tense?