Dispersing an inheritance...

**peanut** · 11-02-2007, 03:36 PM

Mom died this spring. I inherited a lot of stuff. One thing I discovered is there is no shortage of takers for whatever you have to offer. The trick is to sort out who really needs the stuff and who's just after it for vanity reasons or greed. It's been a real eyeopener.

I decided to take a responsible approach to dispersing her estate. Rather than hold a garage sale (she lived over a day away from us), we brought the rest home after stemming the flow to greedy relatives. I picked the not well off relatives for the first run through the apartment. That being the freshly graduated university students, the newly married starving students, the unemployed uncle in poor health, who has adult children in poor health who need ed things, etc.

When I got the stuff home I approached some seniors I know who are on fixed income and can use some support/help. I found women who knit for charity to give Mom's yarn and knitting supplies to.

I donated spiritual books to the church library. I sold some books to a used bookstore. I gave the rest to goodwill.

I took clothes to consignment stores first, then tried to sell on-line. Then gave them to goodwill.

I discovered on-line sales for items of value but of no use to me or to anyone else. When they didn't sell, they went to other people I knew, or to goodwill.

Selling may not seem like being an act of kindness, but in my case it is. If I sell it, I get the money and I tithe on it. DH gets no say in it. It's my inheritance. If it were coming through family coffers DH would nix the tithing on it.

Household goods were given to local university students setting up their first home away from Mom and Dad. And to DD#2 who is thinking about university in the fall.

I love inheritances. They give you the chance to feel so good about giving things away and sharing. But managing it so the people who get the things are really people in need, can be a challenge! It's been surprising to me and amazing to see how greedy some people get.

I've learned a lot through this experience. It's forced me to learn about Freecycle and selling on-line. It's forced me to look at my own belongings and pare them down to what I really want or use. It's put us on a de-cluttering spree again.

It's made me rethink spending on consumer goods all over. I just refuse to spend $1000-3000 on a new sofa when I can pick up a perfectly good used one for $200. I am looking at an affordable way to buy a good mattress set now as well. Once again, $2800 for a new memory foam set is just not my style! What a waste of money.

Reduce, reuse, recyle, and shop sales are my mottos now. Nothing like an inheritance to enable you to engage in not so random acts of kindness!

**frugal-fannie** · 11-03-2007, 03:30 AM

Originally Posted by peanut

Mom died this spring. I inherited a lot of stuff. One thing I discovered is there is no shortage of takers for whatever you have to offer. The trick is to sort out who really needs the stuff and who's just after it for vanity reasons or greed. It's been a real eyeopener.

I decided to take a responsible approach to dispersing her estate. Rather than hold a garage sale (she lived over a day away from us), we brought the rest home after stemming the flow to greedy relatives. I picked the not well off relatives for the first run through the apartment. That being the freshly graduated university students, the newly married starving students, the unemployed uncle in poor health, who has adult children in poor health who need ed things, etc.

When I got the stuff home I approached some seniors I know who are on fixed income and can use some support/help. I found women who knit for charity to give Mom's yarn and knitting supplies to.

I donated spiritual books to the church library. I sold some books to a used bookstore. I gave the rest to goodwill.

I took clothes to consignment stores first, then tried to sell on-line. Then gave them to goodwill.

I discovered on-line sales for items of value but of no use to me or to anyone else. When they didn't sell, they went to other people I knew, or to goodwill.

Selling may not seem like being an act of kindness, but in my case it is. If I sell it, I get the money and I tithe on it. DH gets no say in it. It's my inheritance. If it were coming through family coffers DH would nix the tithing on it.

Household goods were given to local university students setting up their first home away from Mom and Dad. And to DD#2 who is thinking about university in the fall.

I love inheritances. They give you the chance to feel so good about giving things away and sharing. But managing it so the people who get the things are really people in need, can be a challenge! It's been surprising to me and amazing to see how greedy some people get.

I've learned a lot through this experience. It's forced me to learn about Freecycle and selling on-line. It's forced me to look at my own belongings and pare them down to what I really want or use. It's put us on a de-cluttering spree again.

It's made me rethink spending on consumer goods all over. I just refuse to spend $1000-3000 on a new sofa when I can pick up a perfectly good used one for $200. I am looking at an affordable way to buy a good mattress set now as well. Once again, $2800 for a new memory foam set is just not my style! What a waste of money.

Reduce, reuse, recyle, and shop sales are my mottos now. Nothing like an inheritance to enable you to engage in not so random acts of kindness!

I guess you are an only child then, Sometimes It is not just greed. i had a great aunt die a few years ago,we were not that close and we had to sign off on the inheritance and the house went to the church another half went to a niece. I am sick wondering if they threw away family photos, My grand father had like one small photo of his parents. Sometimes people want things for family reasons. I know of family dishes,quilts etc getting dispersed during peoples passing and then other peoples kids may think it is junk, My dad had 4 brothers and he died at 49. My grandmother in her will made sure us grandkids got to pick in place of my father. We sent my mom and she picked out things until people did not want any more. I got some items that I remember seeing when we went to her house and things of my great grandmothers that went to her. I of course don't need them but I really appreciate it.

**annymoll** · 11-03-2007, 10:24 AM

I am in charge of what will be my parents estate.I am closer to them, and in a better position to help. My sister and brother are not as able, and do less , which annoys my mom.I am sure mom wants to play the game of causing hurt feelings by cutting my siblings short.I have no intent to do so. Once she is gone, I intend to split everything with my siblings, even though I do not know if they will treasure, preserve, value, or need them.Then we will decide together what to do with the things not wanted or needed. I refuse to let anyone cause hurt feelings from the grave.Mums the word!!!!!!!

**peanut** · 11-03-2007, 11:45 AM

Actually, I am one of six children. All of the others were in agreement with the will. All of us are in our 50s and have established our homes and lives. All of them had a chance to go through the apartment and take anything they had given to Mom, and voice a request for anything else they wanted (which was usually granted...except when others wanted the same thing). Only one chose not to. I've held things back for her.

It was the nieces and nephews that took me by surprise. They did not have a close relationship with my mom because of her illness and, as far as one was concerned, it was simply "open season" and free shopping. I had to call a halt to it. It was upsetting the rest of the family and causing divisions.

My uncle was also allowed to take what he really wanted too. You're right, you never know what people value. He wanted an oil painting I had painted years ago!

I still would do this the same way, except I would wait a longer time before dispersing Mom's estate. I wouldn't try and do it the week after the funeral. It's just too soon.

Jean

**baxjul** · 11-03-2007, 01:30 PM

Sounds like you handled it well. My sister is in charge of my parents estate. I got nothing. She had everything gone before I even got up there. The money, to be divided both ways. She is not going through a lawyer, and I don't know what she is doing because I haven't seen any of it yet.

I'm getting more and more mad because we really need the money, and there were some things that I wanted, only a couple, and she got rid of them, like photos from my childhood, etc...

And we live 1200 miles apart.

**frugal-fannie** · 11-06-2007, 09:38 AM

Originally Posted by annymoll

I am in charge of what will be my parents estate.I am closer to them, and in a better position to help. My sister and brother are not as able, and do less , which annoys my mom.I am sure mom wants to play the game of causing hurt feelings by cutting my siblings short.I have no intent to do so. Once she is gone, I intend to split everything with my siblings, even though I do not know if they will treasure, preserve, value, or need them.Then we will decide together what to do with the things not wanted or needed. I refuse to let anyone cause hurt feelings from the grave.Mums the word!!!!!!!

My mom already put me in charge as executor. My sister didn't want it. My brother is overbearing and I am not afraid of a fight so they put me down. Plus I get along with everyone the best.But I will not roll over.My mom is a true inspiration of saving, so even though she has made very little per hour her estate could be quite large.

**annymoll** · 11-06-2007, 11:52 AM

Originally Posted by frugal-fannie

My mom already put me in charge as executor. My sister didn't want it. My brother is overbearing and I am not afraid of a fight so they put me down. Plus I get along with everyone the best.But I will not roll over.My mom is a true inspiration of saving, so even though she has made very little per hour her estate could be quite large.

Under the circumstances, I think your mom was wise. Sadly, my moms greatest forte, other than saving, was fighting, and the splitting of the family. I hope I can make the wisest decision when the time comes.I am thankful the siblings are as close as we are.