How do you take focus off of yourself without gossiping about others?

**frugalandsimple** · 11-06-2007, 09:16 AM

I don't want to sound like a self-centered person when I talk to other people.

**starsapphire** · 11-06-2007, 09:47 AM

Ask whoever you're talking to questions about themself/their life. People love talking about themselves.

**sdrjeolsen** · 11-06-2007, 09:52 AM

Ask them about things they are interested in, avoid talking about people. Most people like to talk about themselves, so ask questions about thier life.

Ask:
What hobbies to do you enjoy?
Do you have children?
How is school going for them?
Have you lived here all your life?
How long have you lived here?
Bet it took some adjusting?
etc.

Continue to springboard off their previous answers. Listen for things that tug at their heart/affect them and go deeper with the questions.

Then go home and write down key things and next time you see them, ask about the particular situation. Ex. How's your mom doing, how was her surgery? etc.

I'm a very introverted person, so I really have to work at conversing. There are several books out there that can help too.

**frugalfarmwife** · 11-06-2007, 09:56 AM

This is one thing I've really been working on this year, in fact my new years resolution has been to use my ears more and my mouth less

Seriously, I always try to pause and REALLY think before I talk, ask the other person their hobbies, interests, thoughts and opinions. It does work and you can learn a lot about people that way.

And I'm the opposite of Sdrjoelson, I've always been an extrovert, and one that has NEEDED to learn to shut up at times

kj

**leezza** · 11-06-2007, 11:21 AM

You could always talk about things in general too.

Seen the price of gas?
Did you watch that special on TV last night?
Did you see such and such movie?
Have you read any good books lately?
What are you doing for the holidays?

JMHO,
leezza

**zakity** · 11-07-2007, 12:20 AM

If you want to get the focus off you and you don't want to feel gossipy, compliment someone you both know. Comment on someone's great new haircut/outfit/job. Comment on their kids' great accomplishment or behavoir.

**pita1213** · 11-07-2007, 07:54 AM

on the same line as zakity, instead of gossiping about negative things, talk about positive things about people. has someone recently helped you out with something? was one of your neighbors' kids dressed really cute? someone throw a great party?
if you're talking to someone you've known for years, it might be easier to shift from negative talk to positive talk instead of asking questions you already know answers to.

**cab54** · 11-07-2007, 08:26 AM

Kind of along the lines of what pita said above. If someone I'm with gets all gossipy too (you'll often find this if you've been among a group where you all tend to gossip (we all have at one time or another) ----try to turn the conversation to something positive about the person they're slamming, but do it nicely so they don't notice you've turned the conversation around.