Need Advice

**SammiesMammie** · 11-20-2007, 12:20 PM

Okay here's the senerio..I'm riding to the grocery store with my neighbor this morning (we trade off) and she tells me that she told the car dealer (buy-here pay-here place) that she wouldn't be making a car payment in December, and they could come and get her car, because her kids need Christmas presents. WHUT??? I say to myself....

Background on neighbor...I don't particularly like her, and her kids are out of control (IMO) but they are a product of their environment..it's utter chaos in their home..no I am not judging, just stating the facts..I don't allow our kids to play with hers..L-O-N-G story...

Okay so we go in the store I get what I need, and she gets BEER??? I still feel bad and am thinking to myself..Is Christmas a priority on her list..We are not "well off" by any stretch of the imagination, but I truly believe that these children will not have any kind of Christmas, and I do have a few "extra" things that I could probably do away with for my kids..let's say an extra $100

..Do I buy things for her 3 kids, and leave them as a "Secret Santa"..or do you think she is just "playing" me? I don't feel it is any childs fault who their parents are, but I also feel that every kid deserves something for Christmas.
Please help me with this...my heart is heavy, and I am feeling guilty because I plan ahead..I know Christmas is coming December 25th every year, and shop accordingly.

**FrugalMomof3** · 11-20-2007, 12:24 PM

Well as for buying the kids present, if it will make you feel better than I say do it by all means but I would let them know it was from you since Santa told you they were good kids this year, etc...

You do have such a great haeart and your doing what you feel is best, if I could do something like that I sure would so God Bless You!

**leezza** · 11-20-2007, 12:50 PM

Well like Tracy said I think I would get them something if you feel the need to. But I would wrap them and if they are still young enough to believe in santa say that santa must have left them at your house by mistake.....

JMHO,
leezza

PS. You are thoughtful to think of others.

**erstbrmom** · 11-20-2007, 01:07 PM

If she is playing you, shame on her. I believe her negative actions will come back to bite her someday.
You are thinking like a kind, generous person in spite of the circumstances. I would be a secret Santa for her children. You can only hope your act of kindness will positively impact those children and down the road they may pass it on.

**Kitten20** · 11-20-2007, 01:10 PM

Originally Posted by erstbrmom

If she is playing you, shame on her. I believe her negative actions will come back to bite her someday.
You are thinking like a kind, generous person in spite of the circumstances. I would be a secret Santa for her children. You can only hope your act of kindness will positively impact those children and down the road they may pass it on.

I agree, as long as it would not put you in a bad situation financially. Bless you for having such a kind and thoughtful heart. Now if only some of it would rub off on their mother... but hey, I guess beer is more important to some than car payments or Christmas presents.

**Dancing Lotus** · 11-20-2007, 01:21 PM

HUM , do I know your neighbor?

I just had a similar topic comeup with my dh.

I know a girl who is so broke she doesnt have two nickels to rub together, they are going to repo her car as soon as she takes it out of the garage. I printed the info for Toys for tots for her becuase I thought she might need it. She was happy to have the info and filled out the papers. Then Just yesterday she was jumping up and down to tell me she opened a line of credit at Rex and bought her boyfriend a 1,300.00 TV for christmas.
I am so ticked off!

**annymoll** · 11-20-2007, 02:55 PM

Angel Tree, Salvation Army, Toys for Tots, every church in town, even DFS_ all provide toys for kids in need. The "Players" all know this as well, and by the time they make the rounds to every organization, the kids have a decent Christmas.Maybe she is not concerned because she already knows where Christmas is coming from. You do not.It is good to plan.If you want to give gifts, I think it should be with a happy heart, not a heavy one. Take Care.

**Mamaw** · 11-20-2007, 03:38 PM

This womans priorities are certainly not in the right order! But that being said, if I thought a child would not have a holiday, I would probably get them something. I would tell them Santa left it by mistake at my house. It is a shame that some folks think their own pleasures are more important than those of the little ones. I would also tell the mother about toys for tots, salvation army, etc so that if by chance she is not aware, she may qualify for a few items for the little ones. You have a good, kind heart and will reap rewards for your generosity! God Bless

**Ceashels** · 11-20-2007, 03:46 PM

I have the feeling she was playing the car dealer. Who knows, maybe she already spent that car payment on gifts for the kids.

Like everyone else said if you decide to give, let it be with a happy heart. Giving her the information on Toys for Tots and Salvation Army, etc. is a good idea. It lets her be in control of her priorities.

**AmyMCGS** · 11-20-2007, 03:50 PM

I think I'd give her the info on Toys for Tots and other programs, then I'd buy the kids a few small things, so that you're sure they're not without anything at all. I'm not sure I'd spend too much on them, though, as I'd hate for you to take away from your kids and later find out that she had all kinds of free gifts coming in from various sources.

**VanVivCam** · 11-20-2007, 03:50 PM

i totally understand your situation. i have a "friend" that would rather buy pills and beer than buy for her two young daughters. she whines to me that they will not be having a Christmas this year, as she is chugging down a beer and popping another pain pill

i am going to get her children just a few small things....I am currently working a second job to help make sure my family has a good Christmas and to pay off some bills....i just don't understand why people think others "owe" them something

**ilovechocolate** · 11-20-2007, 04:32 PM

We have a few parents at my school whose priorities are SO "off." One child's parents (who live off welfare) got their checks one day and celebrated by getting matching tattoos. AND they drive a big, nice truck---it's much nicer than my vehicle.

But we don't let our personal feelings about parents interfere with trying to help children have a good Christmas. After all, every child deserves something at Christmas.

I feel sorry for your neighbor's kids. By all means, get them something if you can, but like another poster said, don't go into debt to do so.

That mama probably knows how to play the system.

**Libby** · 11-20-2007, 07:07 PM

If you're able to - then I'd give something small to each of their children but state its from you. If shes that crafty to buy beer vs making her car payment and irresponsible enough to not plan for Christmas then I think she may actually take the tags off the gifts you're giving to her children and say they're from her. I know, sad thought but it still came into my mind!

You are VERY kind for giving her a ride to the grocery store and for thinking of her children. Maybe invite them over on Christmas Eve or Day Of and let them open their gifts in front of you? I really wouldnt trust this woman.

**mom2bobsarah** · 11-20-2007, 10:58 PM

It is so tough to bite your tongue in these situations isn't it? Last year we "adopted" a Mom and her 2 kids from my Aunt's church because we were ubder the impression that they had nothing. I bought gifts for the kids, groceries, some trinkets for mom (lotions and stuff to pamper her a little) and I gave them a check so she could buy her kids something she really wanted to get them. My aunt talked about her regularly and I felt that God weighed them on my heart so I asked my husband if I could do this for them. After the fact I (as well as the rest of the church who also helped her out) found out that she was pretty much playing us all. She gets child support she doesn't claim so that she can get all kinds of childcare and benefits and she works, she also has THREE storage units full of "stuff" and I mean lots of new stuff like toys and such still in packaging. I was really upset because I did not donate to the charity that we usually do because of this and I wish I could have put the money to better use. But, as my husband said, if I felt that God wanted me to do this, I have no business second guessing. My point? Give the kids presents, kindness never hurt anyone. Merry Christmas to all!!

**SammiesMammie** · 11-21-2007, 08:51 AM

Thanks for all the wonderful advice, as this is weighing heavy on my mind. I think I will combine all your suggestions and come up with a game plan.

#1. Getting the info for the Salvation Army and Toys for Tots, and giving it to her.

#2. I'm going to buy a few things for her kids, but I was also thinking that maybe toys aren't the "best" option..I have never seen them with warm hats or mittens, and it has been quite cold here in the mornings, so I will be buying those. I was also considering giving a gift card for someplace like Payless Shoes, as I have never seen what I would consider "New" shoes on their feet.(they look like hand-me -downs..too big, too small, sloppy) I am afraid to buy a gift card to someplace like Walmart, as I believe you can purchase beer and cigarettes with it..am I correct?

#3. I will also make sure that they have "food" for Christmas, the only thing I would have to purchase is a Ham, as I have a wonderfully stocked pantry. (This goes along with the story from yesterday..The mother is on welfare and gets food stamps on the 6th? of the month..and she had nothing left on her card yesterday? She doesn't work, so I'm sure she gets a decent amount of money for food every month, but it goes on a debit card, and I'm not sure how that works in Florida..She gets a Cash benefit, and "food stamps" on this card, but are they separate? Or do they combine them, and they can be used for anything? Don't know how it works

)

Thank you all for your help..I do feel much better now that I put it in writing, and if she is a scammer..shame on her, but if she is not, and I do nothing..shame on me. Children don't get the luxury of choosing their parents.

Phyllis