I am so frustrated! VENT(LONG!)

**faw42077** · 01-09-2008, 10:19 AM

Just a warning this is a VENT

and kinda long!

My MIL is so frustrating! I'll fill you in
In July 06 my MIL had a new car( about 3 months old) that she couldn't afford to pay for anymore. She had previously had another car and traded it in on the newer to try to drop her payments. Her payments did drop by $100 which made her car payment $365. She came to us and asked if we were interested in taking over the payments b/c she was gonna turn it in. I really didn't want to do it but DH ended up talking me into it b/c I was going back to school and the truck that we have is on one of it's last legs.

So, we took over the payment( we didn't put it in our own name, I know STUPID!). So, we were paying her the car payment plus the insurance(we were put on her policy just for the car) for a total of $416/mth. The only condition to us taking over the car was that if we found that it was too much then we could give it up since she was gonna turn it in anyway. So everything was going fine until Feb 06 when we talked to her about maybe giving the car up b/c it was getting to be too much. She then informed us that she was getting ready to file Chap 13 and the car would be included and that the payment should drop to $200 a month. She told us to think about it but that if we decided to keep it we would not be able to turn it in. We thought it over and decided to keep it. OK, so then she back and said that the payment was gonna be $250 instead of $200 but we still agreed to keep the car. From there on out everything was fine until OCT 06 when one day she decided to confess her sins(her words) and told me that the payment was never $365 and the payment never dropped to $250 that the payment had been $465!!! all along and that she had been making the difference in the payment. I couldn't believe it!! I asked her why she didn't tell us the truth from the beginning and she said b/c she knew we would never take the car and she didn't want to turn it in.

OK i know that was really long and if you have made it this far then bless you

Here is the problem I have. I am over the fact that we had to give the car up and I had to skip a semester of school. I appreciatet the fact that she made up the difference on the car payment however I do not appreciate her LYING to me. It has taken along time for me to close to MIL( that is just my nature) and I don't trust alot of people like that(esp. family) and it hurts that she lied to us about everything.

But what bugs me is now everytime we have a conversation she wants to make comments about how everything happens for a reason, it's like she is trying to justify her actions and make herself feel better about it.

I know in the long run it WILL probably be a better situation for us since we aren't tied don't to a car payment for the next 5 years but at this point I don't really want her know that!!

I am so sorry this was so long but I really just needed to get that out. Sometimes it is hard to rant to DH b/c it is his mom KWIM?

Thanks for listening!!!!!!

**sdrjeolsen** · 01-09-2008, 10:49 AM

no advice, just a hug. Sorry, MILs can be hard to deal with.

**MirandaK** · 01-09-2008, 10:55 AM

I hear ya on not venting to the DH. That's what we're here for!! Just grin and bear it...she's gonna be in your life regardless so try and let it go. The sad part is that she violated your trust...I'm sorry you had to deal with that.

Forgive and move on, but no one says you need to forget. You don't want to fall victim to another of her schemes. *hugs*

**nodmicks** · 01-09-2008, 11:38 AM

Sorry I don't have any great advice! I'm sure sory you are going through this though! Hug!

**perSue** · 01-09-2008, 02:39 PM

honestly, how does your DH feel about this situation?

i wouldn't necessarily vent to DH but I'd say that you're feeling hurt about being lied to... that might open DH up to say something about how he feels.

Then, if he feels the same, see if he can talk to his mother.

otherwise, if he doesnt feel the same & just shook it off as "that's just mother for ya!"... then I'd say do the same.

being lied to - no matter who you are or your feelings of trust - is not something anyone deserves. family or not, she shouldn't have lied.

and if nothing else, simply expressing your feelings to your DH about something that was admitted (the lying) might help.

G'luck

**C@rol** · 01-09-2008, 02:45 PM

So sorry this happened to you. (((hugs)))

**Jskell911** · 01-09-2008, 03:49 PM

I've been on the up and down roller coaster w/ MIL, so I can sympathize. Maybe not "vent" to DH but he should certainly be aware of how the situation made you really feel.

Hugs to you!

**mom2bobsarah** · 01-09-2008, 11:04 PM

Well, I could be off base here but, it seems to me that maybe she was just trying to do a nice thing and thought the only way she could was to lie to you. I am not saying that lying is right but it sounds like she wanted you to be able to use the car and maybe she thought you would be too "proud" to accept her help on the payments. If I am wrong you can let me know. I just got the impression from your story that maybe that is what happened in which case I personally would find it hard to be upset with her.