would you pay to keep the peace???

**nodmicks** · 01-09-2008, 01:39 PM

A few months back our kids and their cousins were playing in a grandmas attic. Recently grandma couldn't find a part to something. She asked our kids if they moved it and they said no they didn't know it was there. The cousins said the same thing. It was a covered item. Grandma is insisting my kids moved it or lost. Bear in mind they have never got in trouble with or caught lying to grandma but the cousins have. I am sick of hearing about this. I have hear the "F" word in these rants about this little missing part. If my kids didn't even know it was there they sure didn't do it. For heavens sake the cousins spent a whole weeks in the attic mine spent a day! I don't think the cousins did it either. I think she misplaced it because it is nothing a kid would want a thing to do with.
Grandmas house is so cluttered she will likely never find it. She has also been known for thinking she did something she didn't. Recently she yelled at someone for taking a dish that was hers. The dumb dish was mine and no one took it~ I took it home!

Would you pay for it (about $65) just to end it?

I told my hubby we should just gay the $65 for the darn part so it ends. He said "no way!!!!".

**perSue** · 01-09-2008, 01:45 PM

I understand why you want to pay.
But, I have to agree with your husband.

Is this your mom or his mom?

I think depending on who's mom it is, would depend on how you go about it.

I would say politely that you don't want to hear anything else about the "missing part" until she apologizes for accusing your children w/out just cause. (I'd want the same even if she blamed the cousins.)

Then simply state, if she won't do that, that you don't wish to talk to her (via tele) if she is going to bring up the "missing part."
That should keep some sort of quiet.

Otherwise, maybe offer to help her look for it?
Help her "straighten" up her house and see if you can locate whatever it is.

65$ is a lot (to me)... that's a couple week's of groceries (if I plan it right!).

I think simply explaining that you are positive your children had nothing to do with said-mystery part and that you would gladly help her look in her house for it (next time you visit or whatever) is going above and beyond.

Just buying the part so she'll shut up is like feeding a whining child the candy they're complaining about.
Do it now, she'll expect the same each time something goes "missing."

Hope that's sorta insightful.

**nodmicks** · 01-09-2008, 01:51 PM

Its dh's mom. I can pretty much guaranteed that quarter sized part won't be found in that attic unless you fill many dumpsters. It is floor to ceiling packed with paths to walk.
I can try but I'm doubtful of an apology. In many other ways she is a wonderful grandma. Once she wraps her mind around something though forget it unless you can 100% prove her wrong.

I think you are right about the "whinning child thing" and I best take your advice!

On a side note share your shopping secrets! $65 for a few weeks is awesome!

**McD** · 01-09-2008, 01:51 PM

To answer simply: NO.

Your kids will always remember that you sided with a grandparent over them, even if you believe that they didn't do it.

**YankeeMom** · 01-09-2008, 01:53 PM

I wouldn't pay for it either. You'd be pretty much admitting to your kids breaking it and you'll never hear the end of it. Not only that, but next time something like this happens you'll have that "admission of guilt".

I'd just ignore it. Honestly, if it's so important why was it somewhere she was letting children play anyway?

**perSue** · 01-09-2008, 01:58 PM

MrsMcDowell has the perfect point... the kids will remember - not what about - but that you sided against them. (Great point!).

On the side note... I'm a veggie, and try to buy mostly veggies anyway. I always keep staples on hand (rice, beans, pasta - stuff I can buy for cheap OR at the wholesale club (unit pricing beats anything a regular grocer could offer)).
So I end up shopping about once a week for fruits/veggies (usually salad stuff)... and grab whatever's on sale.

The big price items are milk, eggs & cheese.
Everything else, I get on sale... and I don't use coupons... because the only way to get them here is to subscribe to the weekly paper (and we dont have a printer).

The few times I do buy meat (for the boys), it's chicken (sometimes fish, but only on sale, it's pricey here!)... and that's usually on a special too.
However, most of the time when they're "craving" meat... it's wendy's time! *lol*

**frugal-fannie** · 01-09-2008, 02:00 PM

I would help her look for it and get the kids to help, even if she has major stuff, Just take one section at a time and go thru it with a fine tooth comb. You might offer to do a list of everything she has in each section so she isn't hunting for something else after your done. I would hope she would appreciate the effort, it would probably cost less in time to just pay for the part, but then you have to worry about every time something is missing her expecting you to pay for it. You might also have the cousins chip in half. You keep the receipt so you can return it when you find it,if it is something she urgently needs the part for.

**Momto2Boyz** · 01-09-2008, 02:36 PM

I had a similiar problem with my parents. They accused my boys of taking something of theirs when they spent the night there.

My Dad insisted that I replace the item. Now, my boys swore up and down that they didn't take anything (they are 6 & 4...they wouldn't have anywhere to hide anything, that I wouldn't find it eventually), and I believed them.

So, I told my Dad I would pay for the item, which I did, but that the kids would not be allowed back to their home unsupervised by me. So basically, if they want to visit the kids, then I need to chaparone them. (My point was, they weren't watching my kids closely, if they thought my kids had time to play with and steal something that they weren't suppose to touch).

About a month later, my mom called and asked if she could take the kids for the weekend. I reminder her of out little disagreement and she said, "oh, you don't need to worry about that anymore...you're Dad found it! It was here the whole time."

So not only did my kids and I not get an apology....they never offered to reimburse me for the item I bought them in which they now have 2!

So basically, I have no advice for you! I just thought I'd share my story and let you know, that it will blow over eventually either way you decide to go about it. But just remind your mom that if there were things in the attic that shouldn't be played with...she never should have let them up there in the first place!

**Holly** · 01-09-2008, 02:44 PM

Just plain No.

**nodmicks** · 01-09-2008, 02:53 PM

I appreciate all your responses. The kids know we don't think they touched it. They know we think she missplaced it. She moved the item to the attic around halloween. She didn't bring it up until December. All the kids had been there in November. The reason we are hearing all of it is the cousins stayed a week in Nov but see they all are out of state!

This item was under a sheet behind lots of junk. Trust me none of the kids would be interested in it. No way the kids got to it buried back there. I know in my heart she set the piece somewhere when she moved the item in Oct. She just didn't discover it missing until Dec.
She didn't ask us to pay for it but I really considered it to stop the yelping!

Frugal Fannie~ it is in no way urgent. She hasn't used the item in years.

Reading all your replies and writting this one I just really got mad. I won't offer to pay. The next time she brings it up I will be very firm and let her know she is pi$$ing me off in a poilite way and to drop it. Because after reading this thread I see how totally ridiculous it all is. Besides she loses things all the time and can't deny she does.

Mom2boyz~ wow am I sorry! That was just awful of them to do. I think you handled that extremely well.

**annymoll** · 01-09-2008, 03:04 PM

I would not pay. Things are broken here and often lost, by our grandkids. Those things are accidents and they happen. I do not think children should play in a cluttered attic unsupervised, so the adults must take responsibility.

**LexTysMommy** · 01-09-2008, 03:16 PM

Ok Am I the only one who is nosy? LOL. YOu do not haev to tell me, but I am thinking a small object worth $65 in attic where she knows kids play? Well no way would I pay, and I would be telling her to put her valuables away, or not let kids play where her things are. Good luck!

**bumplett** · 01-09-2008, 03:31 PM

I just want to know what the "mystery thing" was!!!!

**nodmicks** · 01-09-2008, 03:32 PM

Persue thanks for sharing your tricks!
LexTy'smommy~ small key that a lock smith needs to come recreate(if he even can as I'm hearing the griping and" its 55 just to come" insert more griping.
I have 100% full faith it will turn up eventually. The kids all range in age from 12 -19 so you know they are not little ones"digging in things". They were playing games at a card table up there.