Helicopter Parents?

[Jamauk]

I've recently heard that teachers are now labeling some parents as "helicopter parents" because they hover constantly.

DH and I are both of the school of thought that you have to make your own mistakes in order to learn. I catch myself sometimes jumping in to show DS the "right" way to do something, but I have to remind myself that me telling him something isn't really going to make it stick. He has to screw some stuff up before he really remembers and learns.

In talking about this, our conversation led to politics and policy making (which often happens in our house! - we just love to talk politics!). Anyway, it seems that in general people these days aren't expected to have to deal with the consequences of their decisions - simply because people aren't really allowed to make a lot of decisions anymore.

For example, I don't know why this got under my skin the other day, but it did for some reason (some of you will roll your eyes at me, but that ok ) We were at a stop light and my son asked what a certain sign meant. It was a no crossing sign. Now, it was at an intersection with a 4-way stop light and it was directly across from a bus stop. My son asked why people aren't allowed to cross there and before I even thought about it out of my mouth came "Because the gov't thinks its too dangerous, that people can't look for cars before deciding to step out into the road."

So, it got me to thinking. A lot of our laws are designed to essentially "protect" us from ourselves. We rarely have to live with the consequenses of poor decisions because someone has made those decisions for us. If you saw my post from the other day, DH and I are getting ready to build a home (we aren't contracting out, we're actually building it ourselves), but there are so many regulations, building codes, etc....that we have to follow, its ridiculous. They actually will NOT give us a Certificate of Residency if we don't have a front door. The house would not be considered proper for living. Proper for whom? Now, if I'm dumb enough to build a house without a front door - why does that gov't care? I should have to live with that conseqence adn I bet eventually I figure out to put a front door in....

I guess what I'm getting at here, is this whole attitude of protecting our selves from ourselves is trickling down to society and I see a lot of Moms that won't stand more than 24 inches away from their children.

I'm not a neglectful mom, and I would never ever put my children in danger (I don't let them run with scissors, they can't play in teh street), but I'm sorry, a broken leg, or a cut on the head isn't going to kill a child and I bet the next time they are playing on the jungle gym they hold on tighter.

Personally, I just think its better for the kids if we let them figure out most of life by themselves. We're here to guide, but not to dictate.....otherwise they will never develop a mind of their own, they'll never learn their own life skills.

Uh....wow, I didn't realize I was going to jump on a soapbox - just some things I've observed around here (in town, not on the board!) lately and I guess its gotten to me more than I thought!

Ok, I'm off my tirade now! Carry On!

[sdrjeolsen]

I agree. I think its a product of the sscrewed up legal system. If you don't have a door and someone breaks in and does damages or kills someone, its the american way to sue the city or state and of course those crazy lawsuits always seem to win in court, make the city have to take measure to protect itself from frivoloty. People may laugh, and yes, I am serious, but I think it wrecks up the gene pool when stupidity is let to run amok. JMHO, but if a person is stupid enough to do something that could get them killed and they don't relize it or chose to protect themselves, then maybe their genetic make-up us such that they are just a bit messed up to start with.

Parents do seem to hover a lot anymore thought. I like the term helicopter parents, very descriptive and accurate. I was on staff as a children's minister at a church of 8500, and 600 children's hovering parents every week is enough to drive a person batty. But I do commend them, I think they just take parenting very seriously, something that was sort of lacking in the past generation or two. But anything can be taken to extremes.

[IntlMom]

I have nothing more to add......you said it perfectly!!!!!

We have had bumps, bruises, broken bones, even a concussion.......because I let my kids be kids! I am not an irresponsible mom~I just want my kids to be kids!

[monkeywrangler71]

Okay, I'm still laughing about your house with no front door, and I read this hours ago.

I've already reached my controversial post quota for the day, so I'll bow out of any further discussion on this one.

[KJayEsq]

LOL! Great post. And I agree...the government asserts way too much control and hires way too many employees to enforce said control. No wonder half of my paycheck is goes to the government...they are busy making sure you put a door on your house!!

[Jamauk]

Wow, I thought I was going to flabblasted! I just love it here!

I'm glad I could add some smiles to your day!

As for clearing out the gene pool - I 100% agree with you!

Thanks for letting me vent a little!

[Peaches]

I'm a teacher, and I haven't had to deal much with helicoper parents (like this analogy, BTW!), but I do deal with an AWFUL LOT of kids who don't know how to accept responsibility for themselves. I've got one kid who will shift responsbility from himself wherever possible. For example, he came (with his parents) to parents evening a couple of weeks ago, and asked my Head of Department about doing A-Level Spanish. She said (in front of his parents) "you have the ability, but you don't have the work ethic". Of course, this was a nice way of saying "You're lazy". He came into my class the next morning and said, "Miss XXXX says that I can't do A-Level Spanish because I don't have the ability." Well, Miss XXXX and I had discussed it so I already knew what she had said, and I confronted him and said no, of course she didn't say that. He was caught then, trying to shift the ownness for his own laziness (over which he has total control) to his ability (over which he has no control). It will be interesting to see how this kid fares when he gets out into the real world.

[dolphin]

I guess I was a helicopter parent but I had special needs children and felt that I had to be there hovering, for them. You might be surprised of how many special needs children don't have family to back them up and motivate them. My oldest did complete high school, although barely, but my youngest, now 21 totally lost it after a car wreck when he was 17 and was never able to overcome that. I can't tell you how many times the truant officer called me saying she had seen my son out of school and I jumped in my car and chased after him! But back to my oldest, I tried to be very active in his school which appeared to be very much appreciated by his teachers at the time and one day the special ed teacher said "your son always falls asleep in my classroom, is he getting enough sleep at home?" I say "yes, he goes to sleep at 8-9 pm and wakes up about 7:00 to 7:30 so he is getting enough sleep at home." Teacher: Then why is he sleeping in my class?" Me: "BECAUSE YOU LET HIM!" Good grief! Any kid will try his best to take the easy way first!

I know, it's hard to distinguish between how much freedom to explore that you should give a child, I always say let them find them wings but be there when their wings won't support them.

I do think the government/society has hindered our role as parents by putting limits on what can and can't be done. Just like your Front Door issue and stop sign at the crossing walk. There are way too many law suits for things like that and that is the very reason that rules and laws are made, to protect us from ourselves.

[Dutchie]

I couldn't agree more.

[Dutchie]

I found this on another forum and thought you may like to read it.

Those of us over 30 should be dead!
According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids
in the 40's, 50's, 60's, or even maybe the early 70's probably should not
have survived.
Our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paint. We had no
childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets,.. and when we rode
our bikes, we had no helmets. (Not to mention the risks we took
hitchhiking.)
As children, we would ride in cars with no seatbelts or air bags. Riding in
the back of a pickup truck on a warm day was always a special treat! We
drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle.
We ate cupcakes, bread and butter, and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but
we were never overweight because we were always outside playing. We shared
one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle, and no one actually died
from this.
We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then rode down
the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the
bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem. We would leave home in
the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights
came on. No one was able to reach us all day.
NO CELL PHONES!!!!!
Unthinkable! We did not have Playstations, Nintendo Game Cubes, X-Boxes, no
video games at all, no 599 channels on cable, DVDs, MP3s, surround sound,
personal cell phones, personal computers, or Internet chat rooms.
We had friends!
We went outside and found them.
We played dodge ball, and sometimes, the ball would really hurt.
We fell out of trees, got cut and broke bones and teeth, and there were no
lawsuits from
these accidents.
They were accidents.
No one was to blame but us..
Remember accidents?
We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and ate worms, and although we
were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes, nor did the
worms live inside us forever. We rode bikes or walked to a friend's home and
knocked on the door, or rang the bell or just walked in and talked to them!
Tests were not adjusted for any reason.
Our actions were our own.
Consequences were expected.
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke a law was unheard of.
They actually sided with the law.
This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers and problem
solvers and inventors, ever. The past 50 years have been an explosion of
innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and
responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.

[Daisygirl]

I hover. I admit it. I am a hover-er.

My kids are not allowed outside after dark even though "everyone else" is.
My kids are rarely allowed to go to the mall with out me even though "everyone else' does.
There was a horrible windstorm the other morning and I called the girls and told them not to walk to school until the wind died down - "everyone else" at work got a great laugh out of that "Auntie Em! Auntie Em!"
I sit at the table while they do their homework to make sure it gets done.

I simply cannot NOT hover.

Sorry.

[joyofsix]

I know some other parents think I give my kids too much freedom. I let them ride their bikes into town (after about 9yo), climb stuff at the park, go to the river, etc. This is all stuff I loved as a kid. I think they need to be away from parents and learn to cope (within safe boundaries, I'm not turning them lose in NY city for heaven's sake). I stay out of homework unless I'm asked to help. Some of my kids want more help than others. Woe to the kid who brings home bad grades though. I believe in consequences.

[ballylarkin]

Oh, yes.....every year I have *helicopter parents* although I've never thought of that term before. Like anything else we run the gammet of different type of parents...

[McD]

On some things I hover. Wesley has had some health issues those, so that makes me a bit more inclined. There are a lot of things I let him do on his own and as a result, he is a lot more advanced then most kids his age. Mommy brag moment: He's not two yet but he can count to 14, knows all his colors, talks in full sentences, and can sing Twinkle Twinkle.

[fernykins]

I have never hovered but I have made them responsible for their actions. Even now they do the right thing. They are all adults. I have a 10yo grandson with Downs and he wants to do things himself. So I let him. (he lives with me) My # 3 son has a 2yo daughter that is bi=lingual counts says her ABC's can point them out. Her day is always working with her on everything makes a game. I trhink parents need to make their kids respondsible for their actions.... maybe then we wouldn't have as many problem kids.
Fern