Family Birthday/Christmas gifts ... what do you do?

[ScrappyKat]

I'm a little frustrated with my family lately. I have 4 siblings who are all married with children (except my youngest brother who is engaged with no kids yet). We used to live in another city/province so Birthdays were never an issue for us with my family because we didn't send gifts by mail, only cards. DH's family never did gifts with siblings. But now that we live close to them all again they all do gifts for each other at every birthday. My sister phoned me the other day wanting to do a "group gift" for the birthday gifts (2 of my sisters and my BIL have birthdays in January and we were going to my parent's house to celebrate yesterday) and said that everyone is contributing $15 per gift. Now don't get me wrong I love my family but that's $45! We are struggling to make ends meet and I think that's a bit much. So I told her that we would do our own gifts and I ended up spending $5 per gift instead (bought my sisters some cute necklaces and earrings - they were 4 for $10 so I bought them 2 each and bought a pack of sport socks with his fave hockey team logo for BIL).

My family also goes a little overboard (IMHO) for Christmas. We pick names and are supposed to spend $40 per adult and $15 per kid (so for our family that's 2x$40 and 3x$15 totalling $125) plus we do the $10 gift game where you play the stealing game (just for the adults). I've been trying to suggest a lower limit or homemade gifts but my one sister especially claims that it's already lower than she would like (her DH's family does big gifts for everyone) and she claims she is not creative enough to do a homemade gift.

ANYWAYS, just wondering what the "norm" is? I personally think just being together for a celebration is nicer than the whole "gift" thing.

I would also love any suggestions anyone has for Christmas next year. I have a bit of time to convince my family to do things a little differently and would love to hear what you do to keep things a little more manageable financially.

[lovestolaugh]

I too have a large family (4 bro, 4 sil, 10 n/n) who always remembered everyone at Christmas. I tried for years to get the family to agree to drawing names but there were always a few that would put up a fuss. I would cave in and buy for everyone. Keep in mind that I spent $20 a person and still my gifts paled in comparison to what I/we were given. I always felt bad. Then I finally decided to do what was right for me instead of trying to please everyone else. This past Christmas, instead of trying to convince everyone to draw names, I called each family and explained that we would be remembering everyone with a single family gift. I calmly explained that we wanted to remember everyone but due to the recent economy, we would be spending less. I was half afraid to tell them for fear that I would be subjected to all kinds of statements but to my surprise they all accepted my statement and remembered my family the same way!!!! It was such a huge relief to stay within budget plus we enjoyed the gifts we recieved a lot more too! I gave each family a movie basket with snacks and older DVD's that I got on sale. They were all pleased with these. We recieved fruit baskets, restaurant gift certificates and a coffee single cup brewer (which we love). Everyone seemed to spend less this year. I think they all needed to tighten their purse strings too but didn't want to admit it. I think I let them each off the hook by being the first one to stand up and say "this is what I'm going to do" instead of trying to get a concensus from everyone. Hope this helps! Good luck!!

[leezza]

Well our family does Christmas like this:
Gifts for minor children only, we all live quite a ways from each other so shipping is a issue, now that the kids are getting older they don't mind getting money, and since this cuts out the shipping cost that means they really get a better deal : )

Birthdays:
Gift if you want to
Cards

Anniversay:
Cards
For our parents we usually get them a GC to their favorite place to eat.

This works out very well for our family!

leezza

[emily_hope]

Christmas in my family: We draw names and have a $40 limit per gift. We have 4 at my house so that is $160. One reason I don't put up a fuss... my youngest DBrother is a single Dad and this is about all the Christmas he gets.

Birthdays: Adults get a card and minor children get a card with money. I give $10 and so does my older DBrother. My younger DBrother gives a dollar per age/year. So if you are 7 you get $7 and if you are 16 you get $16.

[lisettelovebug]

My younger DBrother gives a dollar per age/year. So if you are 7 you get $7 and if you are 16 you get $16.

My dh's grandma still does this.. he got $33 for his bday this year. lol. I got $31 this last year, which was the 1st time she'd sent me more then a card (we've only been married a year and a half) but it was a pleasant surprise

[Luv2BeFrugal]

These all sound like great suggestions... And a good book on the topic is "Unplug the Christmas Machine". Great read! Good luck getting your family to bring things under control (ours was like that for a long time, too...it's changing still...for the better!). There's hope!

[momtoadiva]

Hold steady to what you can afford to do for the birthdays lets remember it's suppose to be the thought that counts. On Christmas could you to a family gift exchange instead of individual? I think the movie bucket for the entire family would be a wonderful idea and places like blockbuster are always runing their used movies on sale. As far as the sis that says she isn't good at homemade; they sell homemade gifts everywhere that time of the year, she could just buy her's instead or can she make bake?? or something of that nature? All in all like I said it's the thought that counts, it means so much more when a family memeber has heard me say I wish I had so and so sometime thru out the year (and DD is the best at this and is 17 so of course doesn't have alot of $ to spend) and picked it up for me. The fact that someone listen, remembered and put that thought into action touches me more than the amount of money spent or not on the gift.

[Libby]

I've been trying to suggest a lower limit or homemade gifts but my one sister especially claims that it's already lower than she would like (her DH's family does big gifts for everyone) and she claims she is not creative enough to do a homemade gift.

Sorry but not trying to sound rude here ScrappyKat nor be disrespectful but since she can't be considerate enough of others and has to have things her way, then why can't you? Who made her the rule maker for the gifts?? If she gets her way, so should you.

I suggest giving what you can. I personally like the idea of a family gift - makes it easier to shop for and easier on the wallet.

In my immediate family, we're 4 however 2 of my siblings are married. My budget this past Christmas was about $25/person OR $40/couple. I spent about $7 on a pic frame, $0.25 to reprint a pic and $10 for treats and the rest was fun travel HBA items as well as a few golf knick knack and ornaments for both siblings - they're avid golfers. Everyone was well under budget but of course when I do this - I tend to get more people added to the gift list b/c there is room. This year, I will make my list and stick to it!!! The most others will get will be a card, thats all I can afford to do.

Also, an afterthought - maybe its just me but in our family, birthdays and holidays are excuses to see each other and catch up with some QT family bonding time. Its not about the gifts.

If you start doing your own thing, you're still participating. But eventually she will get the messge and accept it as that, that is all you can give. Maybe it will open her eyes and start her thinking about things from a different perspective?

[lori121]

Sounds like my family. You sure your not related to me? LOL

I'm trying to get them to just stop giving gifts. I would much rather have a dinner or something... Just spend a day together.

One of my sisters is like, but I don't have anybody. Well it's not my fault you aren't married or have children. She's almost 50. LOL

I love my family, but we have a big family. I have 6 sisters & 2 brothers.
Plus their wives & husbands or SO
about 20 nieces & nephews & their DH & DW plus their kids.........

[mommy4ever]

I don't do b'day gifts with my brother, never have, we give each other a call.

Christmas, well it depends on the year. If I see them, they get something, if I don't they get nothing. Same with their kids. They sometimes send gifts for my kids, though not always, it depends if they see something appropriate on sale. So if they get a good outlet sale, then the kids get something, otherwise no.

Dh brother I told them long ago, I didn't want to exchnage b'day gifts. We were a young couple 2 kids 1 income. It was hard. I told them I'd rather see them spend the money on THEIR kids than on us. So now we do b'day cards, sometimes we slip in a scratch and win. Kids get something, it depends.

Christmas is always another story. I'd rather just spend time as a family, well after this year, maybe not..lol. The kids get far too much every year, I fear it sets them up for overspending later in life. However, within our immediate(our kids), we don't have them exchange gifts, they are welcome to make us something, if they are doing so in school, but otherwise a heartfelt hug suffices. This was hard for ds as the school he went to didn't even do mothers day or fathers day cards and it made him feel horrible. We had a big talk with him. We told him that isn't want those days are about, the gifts is something companies have made up. Trying to get people to spend money on something that is meant to be a day about love, not about things. So we got through to him. I'm hoping that they don't get into spending on each other as they get older out of obligation.

With the rest of the family, we set a budget based on our available funds and go from there. When times are tighter, then it's a family gift. If we aren't planning on seeint them, we just don't get. We'll send a card and pictures.

SIL and BIL are always difficult, but I'm getting it figured....only took 14 years..lol