What should I do with myself? (LONG)

**Luv2BeFrugal** · 01-28-2008, 04:32 PM

Ok, I really need some input here as I'm totally at a loss...I've come to a point in life where I really have no clue what I should be doing...maybe just what I am doing (homemaker) is fine and I just can't seem to adjust? I'm feeling like I'm wasting my life...though I do enjoy the no-stress, leisured pace of life as it is.

Dh and I worked to get things to a point that I could quit my job (office) as I absolutely detest working in offices. I used to be in aviation, but that schedule was slowly killing me (12+ hour shifts, nights, weekends, holidays, rotating shifts...not good for one's health...and leaves no time to have a "normal" life...hardest when scheduling life with your SO cause you want to be awake to see them).

I was so used to the "go, go, go" mentality... In a lot of ways I wouldn't mind working part time in a small shop or something, but that raises other problems (Dh's family and my family are...how shall we put this...into "prestigious positions" that pay exceptionally well and will belittle you to no end if you aren't in one... They were great with me in aviation but...well...you can imagine what they put me through while working as a receptionist).

I'm not good at taking abuse from family/close people.

So, here's where we are...

Dh finishes school May of '09 - 1.25 years
He's taking a position with the govmt - 2 - 2.5 years here in AK, then transferring.
Total of 3.25 - 3.75 years here under the "watchful" eye of family.

THEN...we move...ah freedom!

He'll take one of two position options (transfers)...staying in one place/city...or possibly taking 6 month stints in various places, but still based out of same city (would be national/international).

So, here I sit...homemaker...I like it an all...but there's no real challenge to it...and very little "outside the home" contact. Just Friday Dh and I were chatting about something and I referred to the time frame as one week since that event...he said, no, it had be 2 weeks since then...we had to look at the calendar...he was right!

That is so not like me and kinda bothers me... Is it normal to lose time like that when home alone a lot?

Here's the confusion...what do I do for the next 3.25 - 3.75 years...while we're here? I could go to school (we may be able to get pell grants that would cover *most* of the tuition/books)? I don't have a clue what for, though? And it's not enough time to finish a bachelors...and there aren't any associates here I'm interested in...there is just a straight associate of arts that would cover basics/GERs if I wanted to do a bachelors after moving?

We're still talking about adopting after moving (would be about 4 years after?...have to get a house, Dh wants to do some traveling beforehand, etc.). So, that would be quite a ways off...but not many years past finishing a bachelors after relocating and waiting the 1 year for residency for tuition, so would all that time/effort/money be worth sinking into a degree if I wouldn't get to use it?

Should I just keep being a homemaker and then get a part time job after we move? If so, how do I keep myself "focused" until then? I feel like I have no goals/plans in life and I'm WAY not good at that...

**brenda67** · 01-28-2008, 04:42 PM

You sound like me this past summer...I felt so isolated from the real world when I was out on workman's comp for 4 months w/ a partially dislocated shoulder..I thought I would love to be a sahm but after being home for only a month I realized that one day blended into the next..nothing to look forward to..I'm a ppl person..I have to feel like I'm worth something and working feeds that void for me anyway..Maybe you could work part time at a job you would be interested in?

**Luv2BeFrugal** · 01-28-2008, 04:58 PM

Originally Posted by brenda67

Maybe you could work part time at a job you would be interested in?

As I was saying in my OP...any part time job here would get me a constant earful from family... They can be VERY harsh!! The part time job options here would be working at stores in our area (which they all frequent) or possibly part-time office work...it was all I could do to withstand the garbage before.

Once we move I'll happily find some part time work...probably at a store of some sort...when we're far enough away they won't be able to crap on me.

**Ceashels** · 01-28-2008, 05:02 PM

I would recommend finding a part time job that you LIKE. Why would you let the simple opinions of others guide your decisions. Talk to your husband about what YOU want to do and find something you will enjoy.

If his family said they don't like you in blue, would you stop wearing blue even though you feel good when wearing blue?
If they do say anything about you working a job that doesn't meet "their" standards then it shows their pettiness and insecurity and their rudeness... shame on them!

Education is never wasted. Take up basket weaving, take a cooking class, take basic academic classes that will most likely transfer for you when you decide to move. Have fun!

**LolaLipsRen** · 01-28-2008, 05:05 PM

Have you thought about spending your time doing charity work? It doesn't sound like you need the money, and it would give you something to do without your family being able to chastise you. Who can say anything bad about doing charity work?? It would also look good on a resume if you decide to go back to work.

**brenda67** · 01-28-2008, 05:08 PM

Originally Posted by Luv2BeFrugal

As I was saying in my OP...any part time job here would get me a constant earful from family... They can be VERY harsh!! The part time job options here would be working at stores in our area (which they all frequent) or possibly part-time office work...it was all I could do to withstand the garbage before.

Once we move I'll happily find some part time work...probably at a store of some sort...when we're far enough away they won't be able to crap on me.

No offence..but who cares what your family thinks? It's your life and your old enough to make your own decisions..If you and your Dh are on the same page then thats the only thing that matters..JMHO..

**Luv2BeFrugal** · 01-28-2008, 05:13 PM

Originally Posted by brenda67

No offence..but who cares what your family thinks? It's your life and your old enough to make your own decisions..If you and your Dh are on the same page then thats the only thing that matters..JMHO..

I don't really care what they think...but they are so harsh, to my face (my family and his) it's honestly more than I personally have the strength to withstand. I was falling into severe depression and spending a lot of time in tears (I was never much of a crier before)...it's not easy to hear dreadful things said about you, repeatedly...

**tbs727** · 01-28-2008, 05:28 PM

Is there any way at all you can tell them, to their face, when they are bashing you, that you do not want to hear their opinions? I've had people like that in my life (BIL) and eventually I told him I will not listen to him talk to DH and I as he was. Maybe when they learn that you will just get up and leave when they start talking they will stop it. BIL and I don't talk anymore, because he can't keep his opinions to himself, and life is better because of it.

Other than that, I have no advice but I wish you the best. Do what is good for you and your DH, in-laws can butt out. There is no room in life for toxic people. Hugs to you, it's not easy.

**Persimmon Lace** · 01-28-2008, 05:28 PM

Whenever someone expresses some dissatisfaction with something I'm doing, unless it's illegal or damaging to myself, they are no longer in the "know" about what I'm doing. That's accomplished by not talking to them for awhile or using the "talk to the hand" method". No one can belittle you if you don't let them.

I love my mom dearly but she is miss cleanfreak and I am not. She did not come to my home for a long time because I was not interested in her suggestions. One day she asked why and I told, very nicely and respectfully, that I was a grownup and I would keep my house however I wished. She got the message because I was able to distance myself from her comments for awhile.

Don't let anyone choose your life if you and dh agree on what you are doing. There are, after one is married and not being abused, no third parties unless they are invited in. If they don't like your work don't tell them about it!

**brenda67** · 01-28-2008, 05:32 PM

Originally Posted by Luv2BeFrugal

I don't really care what they think...but they are so harsh, to my face (my family and his) it's honestly more than I personally have the strength to withstand. I was falling into severe depression and spending a lot of time in tears (I was never much of a crier before)...it's not easy to hear dreadful things said about you, repeatedly...

I'm so sorry that your being verbally abused by your and Dh's family..Unfortunately your the only one who is really suffering from this..not them! I wish I had an easy answer for you...I would remove myself from the problem if at all possible..Remember what comes around goes around..someday they will regret those hurtful words. Keep your chin up and may your life be full of blessing's and happiness in the days to come..(((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))

**Lady_V** · 01-28-2008, 05:43 PM

Okay... you want something to do, but you don't want to work in a store because they frequent them all. I am assuming that you live in a smallish area with limited stores, otherwise, they can't frequent all of them...

If you would rather skip the earful from the family (part of me understands, but the other part told my family, 'my life to live') what about something volunteer? Hospitals still need a lot of help, so do schools, libraries etc. If you don't need money, that may be a way to go.

If you want to save up some money (and if you plan on adopting, you are going to need it) find a job you want to do, and save that money for the adoption. Family be damned, I think they will sing another tune if it means they will have a grandchild.

I went from working as a single woman, to a sahw, to working as a married woman (saving for an adoption... and trust me, my coming out of retirement did not go well with his family...) to a sahm.

No matter if you are working in or out of the home, you are working. There will be times you hate your job, but most of the time you can't imagine having it any other way.

**mommy4ever** · 01-28-2008, 05:47 PM

YOu need to do what makes you happy.

If you want to work, then do it. If they can't take it, you don't need to see them. We did this with MIl and FIL, it was over a year before they saw us, nearly 2 before I said more than hello or good bye to them. THey got the message that they were being unreasonable. Ironically, I'm very very close with my MIL now. We spend every weekend May to Sept together..lol. Scary thought that we couldn't be in the same room for so long and now we're close.

However, you needn't expect a relationship with them. If they can't accept that you're workign becuase you ENJOY it that you get SATISFACTION from it regardless what rate you get paid, then too bad for them.

I'm going to alter the scenario a bit. If it was your husband speaking to you in that manner, causins you to cry and be depressed, would you take it? Would you just accept it as you are doing with your extended family? I would think you wouldn't. Would your family allow it to happen to you?? I would hope not, that they would stand up for you. So, it's your family, it is abusive, and for your own sake, you need to put some space between them and yourself. You don't have to speak with them. You don't need to go to their homes or they to yours. If you say but we're a close family, I'd beg to differ a close loving family doesn't treat their family members that way.

It's hard to do. But until they are respectful of you, they don't deserve you! You don't deserve to be treated like that! If it was a spouse doing that, everyone would scream GET OUT OF THAT RELATIONSHIP... it should be no different with them

**Luv2BeFrugal** · 01-28-2008, 05:54 PM

Thanks for all the hugs and words of encouragement.

I am so looking forward to moving away from all the "garbage"...3.25 years seems like such a long time right now.

I wish I could blink and make it pass so I could get on to the good times... Anybody got a stasis pod or a time machine I could borrow?

I really wish I could find something that would so totally preoccupy me for that time frame that I wouldn't even be bothered by it.

I can't wait to get on with life!

I think I need a

and some chocolate...

**brenda67** · 01-28-2008, 06:03 PM

Originally Posted by Luv2BeFrugal

Thanks for all the hugs and words of encouragement.

I am so looking forward to moving away from all the "garbage"...3.25 years seems like such a long time right now.

I wish I could blink and make it pass so I could get on to the good times... Anybody got a stasis pod or a time machine I could borrow?

I really wish I could find something that would so totally preoccupy me for that time frame that I wouldn't even be bothered by it.

I can't wait to get on with life!

I think I need a

and some chocolate...

My heart goes out to you honey..Do you crochet? Is there any crafts you like to do? just throwing out some suggestions..

**shoiji** · 01-28-2008, 06:03 PM

3.25 years seems like a long time to wait to get on with life.

If college is important to you and you want to decide on something there are tests you can take to see where your interests are.

If working in a store part-time is what you want. Then do it. You should be true to yourself. Who knows maybe one day you will have your own store.

You never know where life will take you. Think of all the missed opportunities for you if you do not get out there.