Views on Gift Giving.

[mommy4ever]

I'm not big on gift giving or receiving. Dh and I don't exchange gifts often. Although for our 10th anniversary he got me a spa package. Totally unexpected, and very much loved. I think besides that it has been minimal. Socks, replacement t-shirts, for him, some sewing supplies for me in our first years of marriage. But now, we're settled in and comfortable and don't feel the need to receive or give for the most part.

That said, we don't have the kids exchange gifts. Why? Because when the day comes that everyone is married and having their kids and their budgets are super tight, then they feel obligated to buy giftsl, so they spend money they don't have. We have 4 kids, that could equate later to 8 adults plus little ones, on ONE side of the family. That's alot of gifts on perhaps a really meager budget. So I'm steering away from that. Teaching them that a phone call on a birthday or a card IS enough. We don't expect the kids to spend their money on us either. The kids make cards or color pictures for us. Ds will do extra chores for me. That is perfect and very appreciated.

I'm hoping to teach them that a thoughtful card, or phone call will mean much more to their parents and siblings than a gift bought under duress. When they have families of their own, I hope that they use their gift funds for their little ones and not be spread thin and tight trying to satisfy everyone else. That they buy out of obligation. We have to do that as it is. And I have snobby extended family..lol. So I just don't want my kids to face that and go into debt doing it.

When the kids are grown, if they are insistant on getting a gift for us, I'd hope they just pool together and get us 1 gift. I'd be happy with dinner and a movie..lol. Rental at that.

And amongst themselves, I think it would be fun for a chinese Christmas gift exchange, $10 item, and alot of laughs and memories as people steal gifts from each other. I love the fun of that. We'll start doing that with them as soon as the youngest is old enough to understand it.

[JanieD]

I'm alway interested in what others think about gift giving. I spend a lot of time (maybe too much) considering what to give at Christmas & on birthdays that will be within my budget. I enjoy finding unique gifts with a special meaning or giving a much needed/wanted item. Yet children seem to get so many toys & such throughout the year. And as adults we tend to buy the things we need/want or have no clue what we would like to receive as a gift. Year after year it can get difficult coming up with another gift. This takes a lot of the fun out of gift giving!

My family is small, but since I don't have children I end up buy twice as many gifts as others. Staying within a budget helps me to avoid a lot of stress. Another view I have is parents/grandparents focus too much on gifts for children & tend to forget the adults. I understand part of this, but feel it sends the wrong message to kids. Don't get me wrong... I think we all (kids & adults) get more than we need or could want. I like your point that a card or phone call is enough. Yet I still enjoy a little gift at my birthday or on a special occasion.

[perSue]

having grown up in a materialistic house as a child, i hated it.
i was the smallest and had no one to take me anywhere for ideas or to get anything and homemade gifts were frowned upon.

now that we're all grown up, our parents and my sibling expect gifts, not just for them, but for their kiddies too!

i'm sorry, but no.

i love homemade gifts. i especially love to make and give them.
i dont mind receiving gifts, but i prefer to give over receiving ANY day!

but i hate the stigma that goes with homemade gifts: "oh you're too cheap to BUY me anything" or "oh, that's swell."
No idea what time and labour went into making it, let alone the thought, creativity, and love.


so i get complaints, dirty emails, sometimes dirty phone calls or usually no calls/letters at all because ppl are ignoring me (i love quiet holidays!).
and all because i don't send gifts anymore.

everyone in my family have great high paying jobs. i don't.
and because of that i get a lot of talking behind my back such.

all because i'm not going out of my way to go into debt for people who never send ME a darn thing. no card, no phone call, not even a thank you.

so gift giving is ONLY w/in my family (dh & ds & dog).
We also give to a few close friends - collectively.
and before i forget, we donate a lot to charities during the holidays.

[mmy2grls]

My family don't really swap gifts. Well they do buy the kids gifts but as adults we more or less help each other throughout the year instead of purchasing gifts.

If I see something someone would really like or need I just pick it up. I don't spend just to buy gifts unless it's for my children.

[ravenmaniac]

I love your views on gift giving. I think the best gift you can give someone is your time. A phone call, visit, mail a card, a nice email. My mother loved that for last mother's day my sister and I cleaned up her yard and planted flowers. My 2-year-old niece played in the yard with her 13-year-old brother and my 18-year-old daughter and 16-year-old son. Actually, everyone helped in the yard (and with my niece). Then we cooked hot dogs on the grill for dinner. I had the best time. My sister and I still laugh at some of the mishaps we had. Yes, giving your time is the best gift.

[AmyBoz]

Dh and I don't usually exchange gifts. I can never really think of what to ask for and I REALLY don't want him just going out and buying me something just to have something to give me.

We do buy the children presents, but we don't go crazy with it.

[Christa]

DH and I don't normally exchange gifts either, and we keep it under control for our kids.

When we were first married, no kids yet, we had a Christmas experience that made a huge impression on us: his niece--the 1st grandchild--was 2 and was absolutely deluged with gifts. She was excited about the 1st one and wanted to play with it, but everyone said "Oh, there's more!" So she opened the next one, was excited and wanted to play with it but had to move on to the next one. She was still excited about #3, but still didn't get to stop and play with it because she still had a pile to get through. By about gift #5 she started opening them and tossing them aside and asking for more. A little lightbulb went on in our heads and we've never forgotten it--she would have enjoyed her Christmas more if she'd been given fewer gifts! It's the law of diminishing returns.

So with that little lesson in mind, our kids (now 9, 12 and 15) generally get 3 gifts for Christmas or birthdays--one biggish one (though still modest compared to the things their friends receive!) and two smaller things--and they are grateful and thrilled every time.

[quiltergirl]

I love giving gifts! I try not to give out of a sense of obligation so you probably won't get a Christmas or birthday gift from me, but I do love to give "just because" gifts that aren't expected. I also don't always give gifts that are very practical and if someone asks for something in particular they probably won't get it from me. I'm not the JC Penny catalog -- I don't take "orders."

I make clothing for my friends. We take photos at parties and family gatherings and send copies to the people who were there. I buy bumper stickers and buttons for special people. I have given handmade quilts to people I hardly know. Once dh and I gave a giftcard to a total stranger. When I see a bird figurine my dh doesn't already have I buy it for his collection -- no special occasion needed.

People who know me love my quirky gifts and the idea that they never know when they might arrive. They feel no obligation to reciprocate -- which is good. They just smile because someone was thinking about them.

[meredith]

I like gifts (I don't love them) - but I am much more into experiences. For example, I would rather go out for dinner w/Joe for my bday than not go out but receive a gift. Material things can be taken away, but our experiences stay with us forever!

[Holly]

I Love getting gives and giving gifts.
Thats one thing I won't ever give up. I splurge at Birthdays and Christmas.
You only live once is my motto there.

This year will probably be my DS's last one at home so will really go all out.

[POOTERSMOMMY]

My DH and I quit buying for each other years ago. We buy what we want (need) whenever. We show each other how we feel daily. I do give gifts to others at Christmas - but they are gift baskets that I've made or other handmade gifts. Our families seem to love them.
We don't have kids - so at holidays and special occassions we give what we would normally spend on each other to charity. Our favorite at Christmas is the Children's Guardian Home. I buy great deals all year long for the kids. Our family and many friends have gotten into it as well. What a great feeling that a child will have a brighter day, than spending on things that we don't need.
On birthdays and anniversay we give to the local soup kitchen.
I love that kind of giving!!!!!