Calling hours or funeral, WWYD?

**my4littlebuffaloes** · 02-23-2008, 03:01 PM

Or I guess what should I do. I have a friend whose father died last week. She was actually babysitting my kids when he collapsed and she had to call me out of my meeting to come and get my kids so she could go to the hospital. He died that day, and it was her birthday. It is so sad.

Anyway, the calling hours and funeral are tomorrow. I have never met the man, I don't even know his name. Can I go to the calling hours only? Do I really need to go to the funeral as well? If so, can I only go to the funeral? What is best in this situation? Thanks!

Jennifer

**Darlene** · 02-23-2008, 03:12 PM

I'm sorry.
No real right or wrong except not going to at least one I think.
If I were you I'd go to the calling hours, it gives you a chance to let the family know you are sad for their loss and be there in support of your friend. I only go to funerals if I am very close to the person and/or family.

**suki** · 02-23-2008, 03:15 PM

I can tell you that when I lost my dad, I wanted my close friends there to hug me and give me their condolences. Folks I didn't consider close... I was pleased to see they'd paid their respects during the visitation. As for those folks, I really couldn't tell you who was there and who wasn't... it's a blur. But, I do remember those close friends who gave me their support through their presence.

Do what is in your heart.

**Holly** · 02-23-2008, 03:19 PM

I would go to the calling hours,pay my respect and let them know they are in my thoughts.
You could take them something to eat tomorrow after the funeral.
I always drop off a chocolate cake
or macaroni salad.

**forHISglory** · 02-23-2008, 05:30 PM

Calling hours usually give more time to talk to the family. If I have to do one or the other, I go to the calling hours.

**Cricket1** · 02-23-2008, 08:30 PM

If I don't know the person well, I go to the wake (or calling hours). Personally, I think funerals are for loved ones and those close to the deceased.

**AmyMCGS** · 02-24-2008, 04:36 PM

Like others have said, I don't think there's any right or wrong... just so you go in support of your friend.

Personally, I like to attend the funerals when I can, but that's just me.

**perSue** · 02-24-2008, 04:53 PM

it all depends on how close you are to the woman who's father died.

just going to the calling hours should be enough. if possible take something to her as food to show you care (unless it's one that you shouldn't take anything too... then maybe just later that day/next day).

if you're really close to the woman, I don't see why not being there to support her, as a friend, at the funeral would be a bad thing.

otherwise, i'm guessing, if you're posting this as a concern, you're not sure.

and that's ok.

i'd recommend showing for the calling hours, express your condolences.
it's not a time for chit-chat anyway.

just being there is a great support to your daughter's babysitter.

**my4littlebuffaloes** · 02-24-2008, 07:26 PM

I just went to the calling hours. I had never met her dad, but she is a good friend. It seemed fine to go to the calling hours only. It was nice to see her and offer support, she said how nice it was to see faces she knew. Thanks for the advice!