The art of neighboring

[julieb]

Well netflix sent us Frontier House which is a PBS program on modern day people going back in time to homestead. On this show their was a 'talk' about the art of neighboring. The three families that were homesteading could have really used each others help but often times did not ask for it, offer it or would not take the help if it was offered other times they did.

This had me thinking if I was a good neighbor and what would I do if I was in that situation. Am I able to take offers of help and when was the last time I offered help to anyone.

My elderly neighbor just brought his wife home from the hospital last week and I didn't offer help or even check in on them. This morning I am going to take some homemade cookies over to them and offer to run any errands. My husband has been shoveling the snow for them so they wouldn't have to pay anyone. I didn't want to be a bad neighbor I just didn't think.

What do you all think?? Is the art of neighboring gone or is there less of a need so we don't think this way anymore??

[M55FF]

Where I live, people come and go and it's not going to work out well for me to trust people I don't know who could disappear at anytime. If I lived in small town with people who have been around and I know something about, it would be a great thing to do.

[shortstack]

We definatly have the art of neighboring down with my neighbors. We each cook for each other, share tools, run errands for each other etc... We have considered moving to a bigger house but the only thing that holds us back is our neighbors We keep joking that if we win the lot we are going to move them with us.
BTW my neigbors range in age from 25 to 56.

Andrea

[quiltergirl2]

I have been treated very badly trying to even speak to nieghbors -- but that doesn't stop me. I grew up in a small town and if I even think about not being "neighborly" I hear my mother's voice saying, "I didn't raise you that way."

I do think with the advances in technology people are isolating themselves more. There is also this American idea of self suffieciency that makes creating community difficult. That is sad. I always speak and offer to help even if the offer is refused.

When Bob had a stroke about 8 yrs. ago no one would help us. No one offered and when I finally had to ask for help we were refused -- even by the church. I know how alone and overwhelmed I felt at that time so I always offer to help -- somtimes I don't offer I just do it. I don't want anyone to have to go through what we did.

[M55FF]

anyone that can have a meaningful relationship with neighbors is blessed....

I'm not fortunate in this area being I live within a very large urban area. In the house next door to me in the 20 years I've been here, there have been at least 8 families come and go...
many of them on drugs or just out of prison. Two of them were women on SSDI for mental instability and now again someone new this year.
I grew up in a small town but now I live in a big city. My eyes were opened back in the 1990's when a family near me were on the national news as being part of some terrorist organization... and a manhunt to find them.
good lord it scared me to death.
Now I avoid my neighbors until I do a background check on them.
Thats kinda sad I know but There have been too many strange people around me.
My husband and I plan to retire and move to the east coast where we both came from in 7 years when he takes early retirement, hopefully to a small town where your neighbors are sane and known in the area for something besides being seen on the news.

[julieb]

I like my neighbors (except for one who came on my property and cut down my trees..that's another story) and I hope I am a good neighbor. Recently I started working for a homecare agency a few hours a week for extra money and I am surprised at what I am hired to do. For example I take one gentleman out to breakfast once weekly. I am paid to do this and get a free breakfast. Or going and taking the trash out for an elderly person or throwing in a load of wash. It seems this whole business is what neighbors could do for each other during illness.

I have to agree that with the american idea of self sufficiency community is becoming lost. Ironically I think community promotes self sufficiency by allowing us to pay less or buy locally goods and services.

Or maybe I am just reading too much into the art of neighboring and need to be a better neighbor just 'cause it is the right thing to do.

[Momto2Boyz]

Ok, first, I have to say that I LOVE frontier house! We watched it on PBS a few (or maybe several now) years ago when it first ran...and I absolutely loved it!

Anyhoo, we live in a great neighborhood. We have many young families near us, and we have all gotten to know each other. We also have an "older" set (some into their 80's). Dh and I have tried to forge a bond and offer help & friendship, but we've always been refused, so we have stopped trying now. It is tiresome trying to make friends with people who don't want to be your friend!

We also have a rental house on one side of us, and in 5 years, there have been 3 tenents. To me, it was worth getting to know each one of them. Some of them still swing by for BBQ's in the summer!

[perSue]

kudos for going out of your way to be nice!!!

I think due a lot to today's rushed life and outright rude behaviours, being a friendly neighbour is a thing of the past.

We live in stacked condo's. I know 2 of the 8 or so ppl that live in OUR building. And I only know them BY NAME!
I dont go way outta my way to be friendly, nor do I do so to ignore them either.

There's a gardner around here whom I talk to during spring and summer and early fall. After that, well, it's obvious.
But we don't have tea or anything.

Most people just live and keep to themselves. A passing hello is fine, but nothing more.

Late last year one of the neighbour's wives had a serious issue and was in the hospital. I was concerned and asked about updates and offered anything I could. They never took any assistance.
And when she came home from the hospital months later in a wheelchair (which was only temporary), I was SO excited that she was ok, and I remember walking up to them and congratulating her on her arrival home and better health... and I got scowled at!

I didnt understand it, but brushed it off. Then even after that, a few weeks later I saw them again and wanted to say something how she's walking more and less dependant on the chair. And this woman yelled at me for "being nosey".

So I just don't go out of my way either... I think it's rare anymore you find _friendly_ neighbours.

Maybe it's just where I live.

[PAVallygrl]

I always try to be a great neighbor. However should you really continue to do so when your next door neighbors continue to allow their dog to go into your yard and poop all over it despite your repeated requests that they keep their dog on a leash and not allow him to roam into your yard. And then not bother to pick it up until you complain to them, then they act like your bothering them!? ; Allow their guests to "park" in your driveway when they think your not home, despit repeated requests that they not do so? ; When they illegally (No permit) errect a patio over a swale (no less!) which causes water to flood your property even though they know darn well that they were not supposed to do that and knew that it would flood your next door neighbors property?? Needless to say I rarely speak to them anymore. Come the warmer weather a fence goes up in the backyard. A gate goes at the bottom of the driveway and if my property and god forbid my foundation/basement gets damaged I guess they will be schilling out big $$$ in a Court of Law to rectify it. I'm DONE talking and "requesting" nicely that they do the right things.

As far as the rest of the neighbors on the block (they also have the problems of these one's dog in their yards too) We all get along GREAT, help each other out and have RESPECT for each other.

[perSue]

after re-reading these posts, i'm appalled!

what do YOU think is the reason behind all this ill behaviour??

[PAVallygrl]

Too much into themselves, selfish and LAZY. If it's not convienent for them/too much of an effort then forget about it

[forHISglory]

We have good neighbors, but we are not friends or buddies. We take a lot of walks in the neighborhood and stop to talk whenever we see a neighbor. When we have yard sales, the neighbors come by and spend time talking. We have neighborhood clean ups, and we spend time talking then as we work for a common purpose. Our next door neighbors watch our property and feed our dog when we are gone, and we do the same for them. At Christmas, I take homemade bread to the neighbors on our road. So we all know each other, and help each other, and get along, and respect each other, but we are not what I would classify as friends or buddies. But that's OK. It could be much worse!

[perSue]

wow, PAVallygrl, I think you hit the nail on the head!

lol sad but true i guess.

[Darlene]

I think the problem is that people are too over scheduled. I mean it drives me nuts that families don't even have dinner together at the same table. Just say no to all this extra stuff & take time to reconnect with your family & neighbors,(except Heather's neighbor) it'll be one of the best changes you will ever make. People too are afraid to put themselves out there. Manners too have gone who knows where.

I used to live in a close together home type neighborhood & I was the social butterfly,lol. Kids played together & some of us Moms used to walk together in the morning. After dinner we'd sit on the porch swing and talk with our neighbors as they walked by. Sure some probably giggled, "there they are on the porch again" but people walking by looked for us & we were glad to see them and chat. I too used to walk and chat. Don't be afraid to talk about the weather, someones beautiful flowers or anything. It's all a moment in time that means something to someone & sometimes means more than you think.

New house (almost 15 yrs now) has me & my neighbors farther apart and passing pleasantries with one neighbor and the other we were close & have grown even closer as she lost her husband a few weeks ago. Oh how we will miss him & we are now extended family as we help her as much as we can, carry on. Anything she needs, we will be there, not just when she calls & asks for it but just because. We are only on this earth a short while and we have the opportunity to touch lives & be touched by them. Don't miss out.

Take a chance, put yourself out there. It's so so worth it.

[mombottoo]

We are good friends with the couple who lives to the right and we watch the neighbors houses across the street whenever they are out of town. A handful of us are what I would consider neighborly...the rest pretty much keep to themselves.