Opinion on SAHW?

[Nantahala]

If this is more Debates and PV please feel free to move it.

I am an able-bodied woman with an advanced degree without any children but I do care for my elderly aunt three days a week (live-in with her, all domestic chores, MD appointments, etc.). My place of employment and I have mutually decided that I am not a good fit within the organization and I am leaving 11 April (I meet my one year employment with them and they have time to find a replacement).

DH works very hard and pulls in a decent amount of money; the only debt we have is a student loan on me. He is working for a local company while building his own portfolio. We've talked and talked and TALKED (you know how it can be) and decided that it might be a good idea for me to be a SAHW or household manager for a while. He is working almost 18 hours a day and the money that I am bringing in is going to those "extras" that make life bearable when you work at a job you hate and have no time.

All our bills, health insurance and money for savings will be covered under DH's salary. What we've cut is the rather extravagant things I've indulged in with my paycheck. We're comfortable with the decision but I've gotten a LOT of flack from colleagues and friends that I am letting my education for to waste, etc. etc.

I am looking at it as an opportunity to be my aunt in her last days, take care of the domestic front (and save us money) and spend time drumming up freelance work for my writing.

So SAWH? Antiquated? Selfish in this economy? A valid return to the domestic arena?

[perSue]

First, congrats on making a mutual decision with your dh to do this.

Next, I think, personally, I would be less concerned with what OTHER ppl think of me and what I do with my time, education, money, etc.
MHO

With that said, just do what is comfortable for YOU and dh. Concern yourself less about what others think and take this time as time to take a look at your priorities.

Things may change in a few week's time, months or years. But that's between YOU & your DH!

People will always have an opinion and desire to tell people what they're doing wrong. That's fine. But you dont have to listen to them.

I think you doing what is best for you and your family and if it works and fits comfortably, then you're doing the right thing.

[wanderlusting]

I say if it's something you and your DH want, go for it!

[Luv2BeFrugal]

I think if you would enjoy being a homemaker and you and your Dh are agreeable on it...go for it! As long as it's something you would enjoy! There will always be people who "poo-poo" being a homemaker...and there will be those who think it's wonderful. Do what's best for your and your Dh...

Let us know what you decide!

[leezza]

I say Go for it......it would be a lot less stressful for you.....freeing you up to do things for auntie....and also being able to take care of things on the home front : ) you can make saving money your new job : )

If something comes along and you feel like it you can do it.

Best of Luck on your decision.

leezza

[quiltergirl2]

That pretty much describes me. I am an artist and a writer (neither are what my degrees are in) and work from home. I am finally able to do what I wanted to do for years and am quite happy. I also do a lot of cooking and since we are both on special diets that saves us a lot of money.

It has taken me years to be able to handle the "and what do you do?" question though. Finally I came up with "I'm an artist and a writer. I work from home." That usually gets people talking about the book they want to write and I'm off the hook. When I used to say "homemaker" what people heard was "stay at home mom" then we got into the whole thing about I had no right to stay home if I didn't have children. So I just don't go there anymore.

People do judge by appearances and many assume that because I do not have an outside job I am uneducated. I've even had people tell me that I should go to community college so I could get a job. You just have to be secure enough to know the truth about yourself and that you are doing the right thing.

[thrifty gal]

I was a sahw for the first 3 years of my marriage, so I know what you are going through. Everyone wonders "what could she possibly do throughout the day?". But, I used it as an opportunity! And, looks like you will have an opportunity to be with your aunt! You know, money isn't everything, contrary to what society thinks!! If you and your dh are fine with the decision, I say definitely go for it, and you can't live your life the way everyone else sees fit!! Good luck!

[cab54]

Selfish? Taking care of your aunt and your home? If you are, then I am--------what with an aging father I clean and cook for, a diabetic (and not doing well) DH, and babysitting MIL's dog for months now, and running errands for MIL and father, and ..............

[FrugalWitch]

The only people who could think that being a full-time caregiver to the elderly is not a job are the ones who have never done it.

[imforpeace]

If you both feel it's a good fit then why not? Working at home, ie running a household, is very hard work. I have to schedule time off for myself. It's a 24/7 job with or without children! Just try to volunteer or another task so you don't become bored!

[HisDaisy]

I am a SAHW and I say go for it.
My DH and I decided that I should stay at home when we had to relocate for his job. I have a Master's degree and could find work in a town 30 miles from here. My husband works odd hours and if I worked 30 miles away we would not have any time together.
I take care of our home. I am trying to finish my PhD, so I am technically work from home. However, when I do finish I may not work full time or have a traditional job. My quality of life and family life is too important.
I get a lot a flack from others, but this is how we have chosen to live our lives. Yes, we have to make sacrifices, but they are worth it.

[Cricket1]

If you and Dh are fine with it--who cares what others think? Caring for your aunt is a huge job...so is everything else you do.

[Darlene]

Funny how we all pull different things from a post. 18 hours a day for your sweetie, zowie!!!

Antiquated, no way. Yes it is more than OK for you to care for your loved ones & your home. It doesn't mean you are out of the loop or giving up or anything. It means you are making a change to care about what needs caring about right now. Plenty of time to see to other things later. Life is about choices & priorities. Right now your priorities lie not in the business sector. Doesn't mean you can't go back but you need to do what's important to you and your loved ones now.
Wishing your Aunt my best.

[PrairieRose]

I think the most important thing is that it is what both of you want. I'm an almost 48 yr. old, SAHW and mom of 3 grown and flown kids. I stay at home b/c it's what both dh and I want. I could work but honestly would have missed out on the opportunity to do some loving things for my parents in the last couple of years. I'm thankful that I was able to do these things and am happily at home. You need to do what's in harmony with your goals and dreams. What anyone else thinks really is not important. Listen to your heart.

[zakity]

If you are being a caretaker to someone, you have a job. You just may not be being paid for it. And, I would put that down on my resume as my "job" for that time period.

And, if people ask what you "do", tell them you are a caretaker. You can add in the part of your aunt or not depending on how much info you want to share to that person.

I know of someone who has never had a job. He took care of sick and dying relatives for years. Everytime one would pass away, someone else in the family would have failing health and he would go take care of them. Then, somewhere in there, he got married and he stayed home and took care of the kids (kids are in their 20's now). He even homeschooled one of his children for a few years.