If someone owed you money and

**mombottoo** · 03-06-2008, 08:59 PM

they had promised to pay you when they got their income tax refund would you be upset with them if they didn't keep their word?

My son's gf borrowed money from me once to keep from getting evicted and once to keep her lights on, over $450 total. She promised to pay and instead of paying they blew all of the income tax refund. She isn't the one who told me the money is gone, so I'm not quite sure how to approach this. Any ideas?

**leezza** · 03-06-2008, 09:18 PM

Well I hope you don't think I am mean. But.......

I say your Son owes you the money and that you should ask for it from him......there is no way that you would have loaned that money to her unless she was your Sons GF......I say ask for your money......say you need it for whatever reason. If they don't repay your money I think you should not have anything to do with them from now on......They are not respecting you.

JMHO,
leezza

**annymoll** · 03-06-2008, 09:27 PM

To me, it depends. If your son has his patooty parked at the gf's house, I would seek to get the money from him, as well as from her.That would be a loan to both.If it was a loan to the gf alone I would take it as a chance to learn a valuable life lesson.Do not loan money.If gf needs a loan, let her get it from your son.

**bee9984** · 03-06-2008, 11:00 PM

One thing which I have learned over the past few years is this, if someone asks me to borrow money whether it be family or friend, I stop and go over my finances to see if I do have that amount of money to spare and whether I would actually need that money back for whatever reason.

If I have it to spare I will but I hand the money over with the intentions of never seeing it again. If they pay it back great, if not then I had already prepared myself.

I remember a couple of years ago I went through with a family member calling to ask for money, a couple of times I obliged because I could but by the third time I think it was I said "sorry but so and so is not in my budget". That took care of that and we are still close

**FrugalWitch** · 03-07-2008, 02:59 AM

Rule 1: Never loan money.

Rule 2: If you ignore rule 1 get the loan repayment agreement in writing. Both the loaner and the mooch sign it. A 3rd party signs as witness. Both parties receive the signed and dated copies.

Rule 3: If you didn't get it in writing you say "I loaned you ____ dollars. I need my money back. Now."

If you get whining excuses you say "That is just your misfortune. I need my money back today, right now"

If/when you get the money back, memorize rule 1.

Good luck

(PS) If the loan was to the gf, do not let it just go if she decides to dump your son to avoid repayment. Their relationship and your money are two separate issues.

**M55FF** · 03-07-2008, 06:17 AM

I dont loan money.

I'm not a bank or savings and loan. I don't ask for loans either. If I needed one, I'd go to a bank or savings and loan. Thats what they're for.

**carlitasway** · 03-07-2008, 06:22 AM

I never give out money I will need back. When I give out money I don't expect to see it back. If I do, it's a nice surprise.

**FrugalMomof3** · 03-07-2008, 07:52 AM

I also dont loan money and it's not because I am mean or greedy it's just because I cant afford to take a loss even if it's $20. I think of it as taking money from my children because if I dont get repayed they lose out on something.

I say in all honesty, to ask your son about it, I agree that you wouldnt have lent the money if it wasnt your son's gf. Seems that they used you for the money and knew they werent going to pay you back. Remember that stimulus (sp?) check is coming soon, make sure they pay you from that.

MHO, dont lend them money again, they didnt respect you the first time, they wont respect you the 2nd time either.

**mom2bobsarah** · 03-07-2008, 07:54 AM

Contact her directly. Your son says that she spent it all but she may not have. You know how men can blow things outof proportion. Remind her that you are still waiting for the money that she owes you and ask her for a concrete sate that she will be paying it back. This leaves no room for a wishy washy answer.

**Rosebush3** · 03-07-2008, 03:22 PM

Yes I would be, as it happened to me and I have 'been there done that'. I used to babysit a little boy, his mother paid me once a year with her tax refund. Then she got hooked on heroin - tax time came and went without a word, her mother and sister took over his care because they knew I was getting used. I will never see this money, about four thousand dollars. As it was it cost me money to feed him all that time. I am not someone who can easily write off that money, I made under 10K that year. Actually been under 10K every year since too, what a difference that would have made to me. Yes I am a fool, and I hope I have learned me lesson!

**mombottoo** · 03-07-2008, 03:33 PM

Originally Posted by leezza

Well I hope you don't think I am mean. But.......

I say your Son owes you the money and that you should ask for it from him......there is no way that you would have loaned that money to her unless she was your Sons GF......I say ask for your money......say you need it for whatever reason. If they don't repay your money I think you should not have anything to do with them from now on......They are not respecting you.

JMHO,
leezza

No, I don't think you are mean...but, my son isn't the one who borrowed the money...she did. I wouldn't have loaned the money to my son, because he is already in hock to me up to his eye brows and he is 6'10" tall so that's quite high. I would never have loaned her the money if she hadn't explicitly said she would pay me back when she got her federal income tax check.

I also would never have loaned her the money, but (there's that word again) she has 2 little boys and I didn't want to see them without a roof or electricity. I'm such a sucker for kids, especially the short ones.

In the future I am going to use FrugalWitch's rules when people try to be suckubous's and get money out of me...

**dolphin** · 03-07-2008, 04:11 PM

they had promised to pay you when they got their income tax refund would you be upset with them if they didn't keep their word?

My son's gf borrowed money from me once to keep from getting evicted and once to keep her lights on, over $450 total. She promised to pay and instead of paying they blew all of the income tax refund. She isn't the one who told me the money is gone, so I'm not quite sure how to approach this. Any ideas?

I would suggest first contacting the GF and asking if she is going to pay you back anytime soon. Until you find out from her, you really don't know what her plan is. Then, if she doesn't have a plan, explain that you really do need the money back and you'll be glad to accept payments on a weekly or payday basis that would be an amount that wouldn't cause her to become evicted or lose electricity. Plan to meet her every payday when she cashes her check and be sure to bring you receipt book along so that you and she can both keep track of the payments.

**ravenmaniac** · 03-07-2008, 04:33 PM

I too would go directly to the the gf and ask for the money back. You make have to chalk this up to a hard lesson learned.

**Izzy0906** · 03-07-2008, 04:57 PM

Honestly, you need to talk to the GF. She may have told him all the money and yet has what she owed you put aside. You really don't know until you talk to her.