Babies...

[redbug29]

I need some opinions, My Dh and I are in talks about having another baby. We have three wonderful kids already and youngest is starting preschool in fall. I just can't shake the feeling that our family is not complete. I work part-time at night and Dh works full time as a mechanic. We are of "lower income", but are debt free except morgage and van payment. I feel that we can do this but Dh is conflicted..... Any thoughts.......


Tiffany

[Cricket1]

Why is dh conflicted? Is it to do with finances or just the thought of a 4th child? I think that if he just didn't want another one, that would be kinda hard to ignore. If it's about finances, will they change in the near future? I don't know if you're on a super tight budget and he's thinking of another mouth to feed. Maybe he just needs some time to let it sink in.

I'm no help at all!!! LOL. Good luck with whatever you both decide on.

[Ali Lee]

You asked for opinions, so I will give it. I raised 3 kids, by myself. There was no way I could financially afford a 4th. Once a mother, always a mother...the feeling for another baby is always there. If you raise 3 kids, in this day & time, to be good citizens, you have accomplished the dream of all parents. Can you actually afford a 4th? and do "good" with the other 3? You are young... think about every aspect a 4th would make on your family. Space in your home, food bills, schooling, $$, etc. and most of all.... where do YOU want to be in 10 years?

[Lorelei]

Give him a little time, and then come back to the conversation. You're young; you don't have to make the decision today. If you wait a month or two and then reopen the subject, he may be more willing to consider the idea, or maybe you won't feel quite so strongly that you need another.

[StartingOver]

Find some quiet time for the 2 of you, and ask him why is feeling the way he is? Ask him why the thought of another child makes him nervous?

Give him time and keep the communication lines open.

Good Luck!

[Mamaof2rugrats]

My opinion is yes yall ought to have another. My folks raised a large family on basically pennies. I always remember my mother saying it doesn't take much money to add some more noodles to the pot of spaghetti. Now that I'm a mother I agree with her.
I guess some folks might disagree if the children don't have all the material things they want or a full college fund. So to answer your question yes if I were in your shoes I would have another.
Why is it your hubby is hesitant about it? If he just doesn't want another one then I guess there isn't much you can do. If it's for financial reasons there may be more budgeting that could be done to ease his mind. Good luck with whatever yall decide.

[mommy4ever]

I SO understand where you're coming from. At 26 we said we were done, we had a boy and 2 girls. But I had that feeling that I really wanted another. It grew and grew, to the point I'd watch a pampers commercial and start crying I wanted a baby soooo bad. So we started discussing it. My youngest was in preschool, I was a SAHM and dh is a mechanic..lol(sound familiar) we weren't in as good of shape financially as you are right now, but we went ahead and had another. She's the apple of his eye now. She's the most attached to him of all of the kids..lol. And to think he was reluctant. He went shortly after for a vasectomy and now regrets it, we'd have liked 1 more..lol. But that urgent burning need isn't there. I'm content with 4.

So if you really feel your family isn't done, have a real heart to heart with him. Address it all. Game plan your baby fund, etc so it's feasible.

[redbug29]

Thank you guys so much for your opinions. My hubby is conflicted because of finances and because our two boys are a major handful right now (but never met a boy who wasn't). He's about 80/20 that he does, but I guess we still have alot more talking to do. Thanks again ladies,

Tiffany

[mombottoo]

I need some opinions, My Dh and I are in talks about having another baby. We have three wonderful kids already and youngest is starting preschool in fall. I just can't shake the feeling that our family is not complete. I work part-time at night and Dh works full time as a mechanic. We are of "lower income", but are debt free except morgage and van payment. I feel that we can do this but Dh is conflicted..... Any thoughts.......Tiffany

My hubby & I had 4 children and if we would have waited due to finances for any one of the 4, we would have 0 children. Go with your heart and if your heart tells you that you want another child, then by all means have that child.

[qtkitty]

My personal feeling is have as many children as you feel you have the love and hugs for and can raise to be moral citizens and caring adults... and that you can feed ( as a lady above said adding a few more noodles to the pot doesn't cost much )... clothing can be hand me downs and from the thrift store.

( Lets put it this way .. during the 70's my grandparents had my mom and uncles friends over all most all the time and fed them ( crowds of 20 or more they rathered them hang at their house then run around and get into trouble).. they were not rich people.. but they lived frugally.. they had a large garden, fruit trees, bushes, & vines, home cooking, bought in bulk, ect. They made it through just fine.

[M55FF]

Seems to me having babies should be based on if a couple can afford to raise them.... they are a big cost in every way.
What if you have a disabled child?
My vote is to concentrate on raising the 3 you already have.

[luvnspnful]

Seems to me having babies should be based on if a couple can afford to raise them.... they are a big cost in every way.
What if you have a disabled child?
My vote is to concentrate on raising the 3 you already have.

This is a very important consideration. I have a special needs child, who I would lay down in front of a speeding truck for, but I wouldn't even consider having any more kids after him. I'm looking at 20 years of expensive therapies, services and daily care expenses for him, on a meager salary and as a single mom. I would have loved to have 1 more before his ASD was obvious, but I was still recovering from his severe colic, GERD, and lack of sleep. My sweet little boy broke me of ever wanting more kids

Only you can know what is truly the best for you. If you want more kids to be content, then by all means have them and enjoy them. The Hub will warm up to it eventually

[LuvMyHubby]

I think in the end, the decision is yours and your husbands and as long as you are on the same page, whatever you decide will be for the best.

I can't have more children, however I have never felt the tug to do so. I love my DD with ever fiber of my being but one was enough.

[mickee311]

DH and I have 4 kids, I'm a SAHM and he is in the Army and we all know they don't have the best pay in the world...We do just fine every month. We have the mortgage and his car payment as our only debt. If we had a bigger home, I wouldn't mind having another down the line. It won't happen, but it wouldn't be so bad on the money he makes now. Like a PP said, adding a few more noodles to the pot doesn't cost much. Serously, it doesn't really cost a whole heck of a lot more to add to the family, especially if you're living frugally to begin with. You can make ends meet. If you feel your family isn't complete, I say go for it!

[joyofsix]

I definitely understand that tug for more. As long as you and dh are on the same page you'll be fine with either decision. Getting on the same page is the hard part. As for expense, I've never really understood what is so expensive. Just stick another potato in the pot. Once you've had one all the expensive stuff is out of the way. I was once told by a mom of 12 that "Children aren't expensive, lifestyles are."