Judging Others

[Telephus44]

I just read through the thread on McMansions, and it got me thinking - I know that I'm guilty of this myself. Sometimes when I see someone driving a luxury car, or wearing the latest fashions and expensive jewelry, or hear about someone taking a fancy trip or buying a huge house, I automatically think to myself "Well, they are probably drowning in debt." After reading through some of the other thread, I wondered if it wasn't really me trying to justify my own lifestyle and choices, and making myself feel better about being frugal by putting others down. I have always tried to not judge someone by their appearance - how many people do we know shop at thrift stores, yet have a paid for house and vehicle - and yet here I am, turning it around - I am judging them by their appearances, just not the ones that they project. They assume because I shop at thrift stores that I'm poor, and I assume that because they have whatever piece of bling that they are buried in debt. Surely not everyone who drives a Lexus or owns a Coach bag is in major debt, but it makes me feel better to think that they are - like I get to feel smug and superior because I have no debt and plenty of savings. I guess I just kind of feel like I've been very hypocritical in my judgments - I had never thought of it that way until I read the McMansion thread.

[Michelle68]

I know what you mean, Sara. I was just thinking the same thing when I started reading the "McMansions" thread. I realized I'm perhaps oftentimes guilty of a certain superiority complex which comes from our decision to live frugally and debt-free. After reading many of the posts from those who do live in very large homes and are able to afford them and live debt-free, it has made me see that I should be more careful with my assumptions regarding people who drive luxury cars, live in large homes, etc. My choices are not others choices and if someone can afford these things wants to buy them, and can still live debt free and save money, good for them.


--Michelle

[nodmicks]

I understand what you are saying. I think maybe the reason we perceive someone in a $60K car as in debt is because most we know are. I'm not 100% but I'm going to guess not even 50% are the frugalites we see here. I know 2 people personally that live in 500K+ homes with the lexus etc that are frugal and not up to their eyeballs in debt. I know many more people with the same types of items but they put a big emphasis on "looking rich" and bragging ~that are majorly in debt

[mmy2grls]

I don't judge people but I do get jealous when I see people who have nice things that I wished I had. But then I think about the insurance or much they may have spent and then i'm happy about myself again because I could not afford it.

I can't tell who is in debt or who saved to buy what they wanted so I don't assume.

[AstarB1]

If I compare myself to others no good comes of it - whether the comparison is positive or negative. It's something I have to regularly remind myself to NOT do.

[Holly]

I guess I'm guilty of this also.
I try not to always judge others
but I sometimes do..
will have to work on that

[MirandaK]

Great observation, Sara. I think we're all guilty of that sometimes.

[pip]

I agree.

[cissylu]

I also agree we`re all probably guilty of this at some point.

[AmyBoz]

I am ridiculously judgemental of others, but mostly of myself. I'm a very critical person by nature, and have always had to work hard at tempering that.

When I see those enormous houses, I'm not sure that I necessarily am thinking that they are in debt, or anything like that, but I do know that I think, "What the heck do these people do for a living that they can live like that?" I teach piano in a lot of those homes, and the people are lawyers and doctors and stockbrokers, but the fact is, they are ALWAYS at work, and never home with the kids, who are being raised by the nannies. Now, I work full time, also have piano and other positions that I do after school, but I also make dinner every night and tuck my pumpkins into bed every night, and I would much rather be doing that in the home that I have, rather than have someone else do it in a bigger, nicer home.

[latierra84]

it makes me feel better thinking that they are drowning in debt. i never say it outloud or to anyone else, but i think it all the time.

it motivates me to spend wisely and save, save, save.

[annymoll]

I look at those with less and tend to think,"Keep saving, investing,working hard,or you will wind up like them.....poor." I am judgemental in my own way.

[shoiji]

You make a good point with this thread. I guess that is what makes us all different and not all the same. However, I personally have to live frugal so that I can afford dr. appt's., clothing, and other basic necessities. This seems to help me not want so many things that advertising makes me think I need.

On the other hand as I said in my post on the thread if I won the lottery and could afford a McMansion which was fully sustainable I would. : )

[kellydoeshair]

it's not that I "judge"
well I guess I do
I am wondering usually in the case of people who live "extravagantly" I'm not just talking about mcmansions
like the WHOLE nine yards 3500$ handbags
I wonder if they REALLY enjoy those things,
or if they are missing something else in their lives that they are trying to fill with expensive STUFF

[ecgsmama]

It just makes me think of all the people in the world who live with a lot, lot less.